Still the red dawn does not rise My beloved and I work out a strategy in detail. The new visit to Dr N will go on. I feel much better and need somehow to convince him that I could go back to work. The threat Dr O had made, whether I admit it or no. I do not want to be disabled! That would leave me in a “provisional” position. But there are serious obstacles, and dilemmas: do I feel better because of the drugs or because I am writing a blog? Or because of some third thing? We can’t say with certainty. If it is because of the drugs, then it is bad. I am permanently sleepy. It would be to say the least irresponsible to return to work and then doze a little all the time… My wife prepares to convince Dr N that it is time to reduce my medication. But, that will be a scene, to watch them argue again! An unusual relationship has developed. Sharp, and I respect that. The edge became blunt, but my dearest again hones her claws… Moreover, she would need to persuade him to start psychotherapy. That has truly helped a lot of people! I know them. Apart from that, help to integrate myself back somehow into society would be good. For months I have been mostly asleep, the few chats with someone outside the house mostly just with him, too. With the doctor, I think. And he is just not chatty. Apart from that, I am curious… Curiosity! Curiosity is a good sign of recovery! And yet, the closer the day for the new meeting with the doctor, the more strongly I begin to shake at the thought of it. Oh no, nothing near like at the start, but still... When, when will it all stop? Will it? It must! But when? Merciful death is far away.
18.05.2007. (13:31)
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Still the red dawn does not rise
My beloved and I work out a strategy in detail. The new visit to Dr N will go on. I feel much better and need somehow to convince him that I could go back to work. The threat Dr O had made, whether I admit it or no. I do not want to be disabled! That would leave me in a “provisional” position. But there are serious obstacles, and dilemmas: do I feel better because of the drugs or because I am writing a blog? Or because of some third thing? We can’t say with certainty. If it is because of the drugs, then it is bad. I am permanently sleepy. It would be to say the least irresponsible to return to work and then doze a little all the time…
My wife prepares to convince Dr N that it is time to reduce my medication. But, that will be a scene, to watch them argue again! An unusual relationship has developed. Sharp, and I respect that. The edge became blunt, but my dearest again hones her claws…
Moreover, she would need to persuade him to start psychotherapy. That has truly helped a lot of people! I know them. Apart from that, help to integrate myself back somehow into society would be good. For months I have been mostly asleep, the few chats with someone outside the house mostly just with him, too. With the doctor, I think. And he is just not chatty.
Apart from that, I am curious…
Curiosity!
Curiosity is a good sign of recovery!
And yet, the closer the day for the new meeting with the doctor, the more strongly I begin to shake at the thought of it. Oh no, nothing near like at the start, but still...
When, when will it all stop? Will it? It must! But when?
Merciful death is far away.
18.05.2007. (13:31) - - - - - promjene spremljene- uredi komentar - obriši komentar - prijavi ovaj komentar kao spam - zabrani komentiranje autoru ovog komentara- učitavam...