- Do you have any idea, why do you think, why you might not be sleeping? - Dr Competent asked me about my chronic insomnia. - Oh, I don’t just think, I know exactly. - So, come on? It just intrigues me,- he stares at me. I concentrate a little, so I can steady my trembling voice which does not leave me for months and I explain in detail: - The world turns on its axis. At night this point where we exist and we live is turned from the sun towards the outside outer space. Yonder out in deep space, I think distant beyond the solar system, acts a certain radiation. Don’t look at me like something weird, I’m going to tell you something astrophysical. Anyway, somehow I can feel deep space working and it scares me, and I’m afraid to fall asleep. It radiates inhumanly and scarily on us. Don’t think that I get it personally, as if some unknown force targeted me. Nothing like that! The terror and inhumanity is precisely because the force is not directed towards us, because the inhuman did not have anything against people, it is inhuman because neither root nor branch are human, and without the protection of the sun’s effects it would just trample us as you trample insects on the path without looking, it would sweep us away into freezing emptiness… Near these places I am already a little carried away… - I hope that you are aware that the idea is altogether crazy and that you need medication? He asked me, unimpressed by my explanation. I try to explain that I do not see any secret conspiracy above that, but what he heard was enough for him. Yes. Humbly I admit that drugs would help, of course. I didn’t tell him about the fantasy in which I rested and tried to sleep through wakeful nights. It was that fantasy of some brotherhood which knows what I know, and which equipped with additional knowledge and experience watches over humanity at night. Since, if as an individual I could feel the effect of Deep Space, maybe more people in the world could, and also if it happened sometime long ago, when people did not stuff themselves willingly with antipsychotics, they could have organised themselves for the wellbeing of the planet.
And really, the drugs helped. I sleep like a baby, every power is numbed and moreover I do not care if the defence of the planet vanishes and a gas giant suffices. My dreams are now cheerful and nightmares, in the morning I forget them. Now moreover I do not feel earthquakes. Before I would know to jump abruptly out of dreams because an earthquake would wake me, but not an earthquake here where I live. No, anywhere in the world, just as long as it was powerful enough. My beloved was already used to it, since I would usually cry out and wake up. In the morning it was usually followed by news saying there was an earthquake. It would say, every time. And the pills helped that. It did not bother me. If I was a natural seismograph it might be difficult for me to be of any use. What use to humanity if you register earthquakes, but it is not in advance? Only it only hurt my sleep.
24.03.2008. (13:29)
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The Deep Cold Dark Void
- Do you have any idea, why do you think, why you might not be sleeping? - Dr Competent asked me about my chronic insomnia.
- Oh, I don’t just think, I know exactly.
- So, come on? It just intrigues me,- he stares at me.
I concentrate a little, so I can steady my trembling voice which does not leave me for months and I explain in detail:
- The world turns on its axis. At night this point where we exist and we live is turned from the sun towards the outside outer space. Yonder out in deep space, I think distant beyond the solar system, acts a certain radiation. Don’t look at me like something weird, I’m going to tell you something astrophysical. Anyway, somehow I can feel deep space working and it scares me, and I’m afraid to fall asleep. It radiates inhumanly and scarily on us. Don’t think that I get it personally, as if some unknown force targeted me. Nothing like that! The terror and inhumanity is precisely because the force is not directed towards us, because the inhuman did not have anything against people, it is inhuman because neither root nor branch are human, and without the protection of the sun’s effects it would just trample us as you trample insects on the path without looking, it would sweep us away into freezing emptiness…
Near these places I am already a little carried away…
- I hope that you are aware that the idea is altogether crazy and that you need medication? He asked me, unimpressed by my explanation.
I try to explain that I do not see any secret conspiracy above that, but what he heard was enough for him. Yes. Humbly I admit that drugs would help, of course. I didn’t tell him about the fantasy in which I rested and tried to sleep through wakeful nights. It was that fantasy of some brotherhood which knows what I know, and which equipped with additional knowledge and experience watches over humanity at night. Since, if as an individual I could feel the effect of Deep Space, maybe more people in the world could, and also if it happened sometime long ago, when people did not stuff themselves willingly with antipsychotics, they could have organised themselves for the wellbeing of the planet.
And really, the drugs helped. I sleep like a baby, every power is numbed and moreover I do not care if the defence of the planet vanishes and a gas giant suffices. My dreams are now cheerful and nightmares, in the morning I forget them.
Now moreover I do not feel earthquakes. Before I would know to jump abruptly out of dreams because an earthquake would wake me, but not an earthquake here where I live. No, anywhere in the world, just as long as it was powerful enough. My beloved was already used to it, since I would usually cry out and wake up. In the morning it was usually followed by news saying there was an earthquake. It would say, every time.
And the pills helped that. It did not bother me. If I was a natural seismograph it might be difficult for me to be of any use. What use to humanity if you register earthquakes, but it is not in advance? Only it only hurt my sleep.
24.03.2008. (13:29) - - - - - promjene spremljene- uredi komentar - obriši komentar - prijavi ovaj komentar kao spam - zabrani komentiranje autoru ovog komentara- učitavam...