I did not get until now why Neda easily says “yes”
I was arrogant, that is it. I confused prejudice and belief. I thought: such things were at least clear as day! No, I did need to search in front of the psychiatrist’s door, and my arrogance was total, I thought that others didn’t have to either. It’s a pain, but at least it is a not such a problem to sort out! They just fill you with chemicals. Stupid and geeky, thwarted surgeons who think that they can carve up another’s brain like they operate on the body. What the devil will they give you shell shock you ten years after the war? With all respect, give a man a little …
Since the world not normal, how can we even say who is healthy?
And, and then, then came the day of the system’s collapse, my little internal cataclysm and I found myself in front of those doors before I was dead. And, really, I was dead in a way. I could do nothing at all by myself. I could do nothing at all. Help, help, help, whoever, whatever, whatsoever was all I could say understandably. Rage, shame and fear, yes, for the first time such inexpressible fear. Terror over the last glimpse of the universe which is under the control of my will, and which tells me I am helpless. Now I begged for any kind of tablets whatsoever. Now I wanted anybody whosoever to tell me what is wrong with me. Now in a second it dawned on me the kind of hell all martial and civil nutters go through. (Shame again)
And now the only worry is just what was up with me, what a world! (Anger again)
And all at once, things were no longer so obvious, and to my great wonder only now it became completely clear. To know, because Neda often easily says “yes”… To arrive in front of the doors is a big part of that. But to go in is a job all on its own.
13.09.2007. (17:09)
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I did not get until now why Neda easily says “yes”
I was arrogant, that is it.
I confused prejudice and belief. I thought: such things were at least clear as day! No, I did need to search in front of the psychiatrist’s door, and my arrogance was total, I thought that others didn’t have to either. It’s a pain, but at least it is a not such a problem to sort out!
They just fill you with chemicals.
Stupid and geeky, thwarted surgeons who think that they can carve up another’s brain like they operate on the body.
What the devil will they give you shell shock you ten years after the war? With all respect, give a man a little …
Since the world not normal, how can we even say who is healthy?
And, and then, then came the day of the system’s collapse, my little internal cataclysm and I found myself in front of those doors before I was dead. And, really, I was dead in a way. I could do nothing at all by myself. I could do nothing at all. Help, help, help, whoever, whatever, whatsoever was all I could say understandably. Rage, shame and fear, yes, for the first time such inexpressible fear. Terror over the last glimpse of the universe which is under the control of my will, and which tells me I am helpless.
Now I begged for any kind of tablets whatsoever.
Now I wanted anybody whosoever to tell me what is wrong with me.
Now in a second it dawned on me the kind of hell all martial and civil nutters go through. (Shame again)
And now the only worry is just what was up with me, what a world! (Anger again)
And all at once, things were no longer so obvious, and to my great wonder only now it became completely clear. To know, because Neda often easily says “yes”…
To arrive in front of the doors is a big part of that. But to go in is a job all on its own.
13.09.2007. (17:09) - - - - - promjene spremljene- uredi komentar - obriši komentar - prijavi ovaj komentar kao spam - zabrani komentiranje autoru ovog komentara- učitavam...