07.04.2006., petak
YOU KNOW YOU'RE CROATIAN WHEN
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YOU KNOW YOU'RE CROATIAN WHEN ... All meals your parents have ever prepared contain one key ingredient "Vegeta" You were still in elementary school the first time you got drunk  You are never ever allowed to sit by an open window for fear of catching pneumonia from the "propuh" (even in the middle of summer) There is a bar in your church hall that contains a 2 year supply of Brandy You insist that you can spot a Serb from a mile away The use of vulgar language at home is unacceptable, unless it is Croatian English words are acceptable if used with the ending "A-T-I" which makes them Croatian..."play-ati", "study-ati" Your Dida mowes the lawn in knee high black socks and sandals Your Dida has a shot of Rakija for breakfast At least one family member makes his own wine "Sljivovica" is used not only to celebrate at all occasions, but to cure illness and as a massage lotion as well  At the age of 13, you are allowed to go out of town with your friends for Croatian soccer tournaments, folklore festivals and dances Your parents were at the function where you got drunk The majority of your friends are also your relatives,even if they aren't your relatives, you refer to their parents as "Teta" and "Striko" "Kuhace" are not only used for stirring when cooking...they are also used by Mama to beat you when there is no "siba" handy At least once before you've told your parents that you'll call the police to report "child abuse" and your parents said "Samo probaj" Mama beat you in public on at least one occasion When leaving the house to go out, you always receive the same warnings(regardless of age): -"Pazi sta radis", "Pamet u glavu", "Nemoj me sramotit", "Nemoj da ja sta cujem" Sadly, if something actually does happen, somehow Mama will know before you make it home Mama gets pissed off at you for bringing home McDonalds saying, "sta ce ti taj junk?" Your parents insist that you'll end up a nobody if you don't graduate from "fakultet" Lunch on sundays have more courses than Amerikanci have for Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner You know that in addition to fruit flavoured Jello, that gelatin can also be prepared with pigs feet You love "pasteta", but don't like bringing it to school or work for lunch because you'd be embarassed if someone asked you what it was There is a slab of fat in your fridge called SLANINA Your mother washes the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher Vegetarianism is not a concept your parents understand All other action stops when you hear people speaking Serbian in a store somewhere and your mom starts to talk to you in english so that the serbian people won't find out you speak "their" language and start trying to be your friend. You have at least one short-wave radio in your house You smell garlic on the old man's breath behind you sitting on the klupa in church on Sunday mornings  You live with your parents until you are married Mama thinks that whenever you get sick it's because you didn't eat enough  When upset, it isn't unusual for Tata to send you "u pizdu materinu"  Baba and Dida wear at least 3 layers of clothing in all seasons Dida and/or Baka spits into a napkin at the dinner table  Your parents turn the channel when there is a kissing scene Dida & Baka insist you are quiet while he watches the news even though he doesn't understand a single word they're saying. Regardless of the fact he doesn't understand what they're saying, he knows more about what's going on in the world than you do You never got the "Birds and the Bees" talk from Mama and Tata as you were growing up Whenever your parents said "vidit cemo" you knew that it meant "NO!" Everything that goes wrong in the world can somehow be traced back to Serbs Your cousin in Croatia who calls you to send him money had a cell phone before you and wears only name brand clothing Your relatives in Croatia think it's strange if you are not married by the age of 18 You are only allowed to vacation in the homeland You are only allowed to speak Croatian at home You have 17 consonants in your name and only 2 vowels Your 13 yr old sister can out drink any Amerikanac You cringe when you hear the word BATINE and hide Your parents still prefer buying cassete's over cd's No one can pronounce your last name and every kid on the block has a nickname for it A CROATIAN wedding consists of a minimum of 1000 people, 2/3 of which you dont even know ......You're still laughing your ass off cause u know every single one of these are true!: nemam pojma otkud sam ovo iskopala... Al, sve je istina... kaj ne??!! (btw - ic mi valerija  ) |
