WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE BOZIC - CRO STYLE
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'Twas the night before Bozic and all through the kuća, the air smelled of spicy sarma and rakija vruca. By the dimnjak the slapice were hung kinda krivo, In hopes that Sveti Nikola would soon bring some pivo. Tata was in his soba & he was snoring pretty hard, Tired from stealing the tree from our neighbor's backyard. Mama was in the basement cooking like a fool, Adding just the right amount of Vegeta to the juha and fazol. When out on the lawn there arose such galama, Tata yelled from his room "Pa, koji je kurac vama!!!" There was a knocking on the front door with such a loud barrage, I yelled through the window "This is a Croatian house, come in through thegarage!" And standing in the garage right next to my car, Was my drunk Tetak Joza coming home from the bar. "Ajde, odi spavat," I told him with might, Don't ruin my chances of seeing Sveti Nikola tonight. About 2 hours later I heard a noise downstairs, So, I jumped from my krevet to see who was there. Standing by the tree and eating some leftover pizza, Was good 'ol Sveti Nikola reeking of homemade sljivovica! He was all dressed in red and big as an ox, And wore some brown sandale along with black socks. Smelling like a gypsy that's been drinking for days, He wasn't what I expected, I was actually amazed. "U pizdu materinu, kako mrzim ovaj posao," he said, And then muttered something about his wife and how he wished she was dead. He put the presents under the tree while whistling a Christmas beat, They were wrapped up kinda shitty with paper bags from Ottawa Street. 12 carape for me and 12 for my brother, 3 pairs of gace for my dad and a can of turska kava for my mother. This Croatian Santa was crooked - he was nothing like the fable, I should of known it when he swiped my pack of smokes from the table. I yelled "Hey!" as Sveti Nikola turned around like a car, Throwing his slapa at me as if it were a ninja star. The look in his eyes was nothing but fright, He said "Jebo ti pas mater" and dashed out of sight. Up through the dimnjak I heard a loud shriek, Sveti Nikola had just farted like some wild bik. He got in his kaput, made for hladne zime, And he yelled at his jelene, ime po ime. "Naprijed Marko i Darko, Petar i Ante," "Ajde Josip i Nenad, Ivo i Mate." And then he yelled, "Ajdemo brzo, moramo poc," Kupio covjek novio BMW. Vozi se i uziva... Stao na semafor, kad iza njega doleti fico i zabije se straga u njega... Covjek u BMW-u oporavlja se od soka, pogleda display, kad tamo pise: "FOUND NEW HARDWARE. DO YOU WANT TO INSTALL?" Poslao mi Mihael! |
