Nakon puno ne pisanja, evo me opet...
Oldies, goldies,... ya know
===========================
This first one is as old as Bible... and one of my all-time favourites:
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the
hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean...", she whispers, "I would do... **anything**!!!"
He returns her gaze. "Anything???"
"Yes,... anything!!!"
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... errrr... study?"
A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was
explaining it to a prospective patient. He told her: "I'll install a
special screw in the top of your skull. Your hair will cover it so it will
be unnoticed. Whenever you need a little tuck, we'll just tighten the screw
a little,... and the wrinkles will disappear!"
The woman was enthused and told the doctor to: "GO FOR IT!"
The surgery was a resounding success, and the woman went home happy.
A few months later, the woman returned in a great state of agitation. She
pointed to her face and said, "Just look at these bags under my eyes!
Where the hell did they come from?"
The surgeon looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't BAGS under your
eyes. Those are your BREASTS. And if you keep messing around with that
screw,... pretty soon you'll have a goatee!"
An attractive young woman was waiting at a crowded city bus stop. She was
decked out in a rather tight skirt with matching boots and jacket.
As the bus rolled up, and it became her turn to get on, she realized that
her skirt was too tight to allow her to make the first step on the bus.
So, slightly embarrassed, she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a
little thinking that this would give her enough slack to get her leg up to
the first step. Again she tried but the skirt was still too tight.
Even more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her and unzipped her
skirt a little more. For a second time she attempted the step, and once
again just couldn't get her foot that high.
It was just as she was reaching behind her a third time that this big Texan
right behind her picked her up from the waist and placed her lightly on the
step.
Well, she was not happy to be man-handled and turned on the would-be hero,
"You have no right to touch me, mister! I don't even know you!"
At this the Texan drawled: "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but
after you unzipped my pants three times, I kind a figured that we was friends."
A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street and they pass a flower
shop where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She
sighs and says, "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again for no
reason."
The blonde looks at her and says, "What's the big deal? Don't you like
getting flowers?"
The brunette says, "Oh sure... but I just don't feel like spending the next
3 days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
President Bush calls in the head of the CIA and asks, "How come the Jews
know everything before we do?"
The CIA chief says, "The Jews have this expression 'Vus titzuch?'"
The President says, "Hell, what's that mean?"
"Well, Mr. President", replies the CIA chief, "It's a Yiddish expression
which roughly translates to 'what's happening'. They just ask each other
and they know everything."
The President decides to personally go undercover to determine if this is
true. He gets dressed up as an Orthodox Jew (black hat, beard, long black
coat), and is secretly flown in an unmarked plane to New York, picked up in
an unmarked car and dropped off in Brooklyn's most Jewish neighborhood.
Soon a little old man comes shuffling along. The President stops him and
whispers, "Vus titzuch?
The old guy whispers back: "Bush is in Brooklyn."
This redneck couple get married. They go back to the motel after the
ceremony, and she changes into a sexy nightgown, lies on the bed, and says,
"Be gentle with me; I'm a virgin."
At this her new husband bursts into tears, pulls on his clothes, jumps into
his pickup truck, and drives home. He tells his father what happened.
"Son, you done right", says his pop. "If she weren't good enough for her
own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
Little Timmy is playing on the street when he spots a package of certain
blue pills pills. Being a boy of the world, he immediately recognizes the
possibilities and approaches his daddy:
"Dad, I just found these, and I'm willing to sell them to you for 100
Dollars straight."
"Son, well, while this is a very good offer, I'm in perfect physical health
and not currently needing those. Tell you what, go ask grandpa."
So Timmy walks over and asks his grandfather:
"Gramps, I will sell you this package of Vi~gra (blue pills) for 100
dollars."
"Oh, thanks Timmy, but are you sure these will work?"
"Gee, I don't know. But they do look like the ones that were shown on TV!"
"Tell you what, Timmy, I'll try them tonight and if they work OK, I'll give
you the money tomorrow."
The next morning, Timmy visits his grandfather again, and Gramps hands over
$500 without hesitation. Timmy is perplexed:
"But Gramps, I thought we agreed on 100 dollars!"
"That's OK, Timmy, keep it, the rest is from grandma!"
Joke box
========
Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's
answering machine?
"Hi! It's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are
too. The thought for the day is 'Share the love'.
Beep."
"Uh, yeah... This is the VD clinic calling... Speaking of being positive,
your test is back. Stop sharing the love..."
(Note: VD = Venereal Disease)
A man walks into a and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he
has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out.
The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing, fit
to bust. The pharmacist thinks this odd and asks his assistant, if the man
returns, to follow him.
Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions
once more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns.
"So did you follow him?"
"Yes, I did."
"And... where did he go?"
"Errr... Over to your house..."
A guy is sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind
him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?", he asks.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pant pocket with the name MARY LOU
on it", she replies.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, MARY LOU was the name of one of
the horses I wanted to be sure to bet on", he explains.
She looks satisfied and apologizes. Three days later he is again sitting in
his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan,
knocking him out cold.
When he comes to, he says, "What was that for?"
She says: "Your horse phoned."
An American, a British and an Iraqi are in a bar one night having a beer.
The Yankee drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls
out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says: "In the States our
glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."
The Brit, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass
into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says:
"In Britain, we have so much sand to make the glasses, that we don't need
to drink out of the same glass twice either."
The Iraqi, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his
glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the American and the Brit.
He says: "In Baghdad, we have so many Americans and Brits, that we don't
need to drink with the same ones twice."
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the
inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them
possessed incredibly long, oversized male members.
"How do you account for this?", he asked the brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir", the older one replied.
"I see", said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason
for your elongated penises?"
"No sir, our mother."
"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have them!"
"I know, sir", replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and when
it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."
There was a traveling salesman whose car broke down on a lonely country
road. It took a couple hours to make it to the nearest farm house, and by
then it was completely dark.
He knocked on the door and when an old farmer answered the salesman pleaded
for a place to spend the night.
"Why sure, young fella, I can give ya a place to bunk", said the hospitable
old man. "But, I ain't got no good looking daughter like ya always hear
about in them jokes."
"Oh", said the salesman. "Can you tell me how far is it to the next
house?"
When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying
erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks
his johnson had grown to nearly twenty inches in length. Ralph became quite
concerned.
He was having problems dressing and even walking, so he and his wife went
to see a prominent urologist. After an initial examination, the physician
explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be
corrected through corrective surgery.
"How long will Ralph be on crutches?", the wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?", responded the surprised doctor.
"Well", said the wife coldly, "you ARE planning to lengthen Ralph's
legs, aren't you?!?"
The wife confronted her husband at the dinner table.
"Henry, I'm pretty sure you're cheating on me.
I think I know with whom;
I'm not real sure when or where;
but I definitely don't know with what."
Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to
line up in a straight row, totally naked, in a garden while a sexy,
beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that
anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be
ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests
until she got to the final priest, Carlos.
Poor Carlos: as she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that if flew
off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest and
bent over to pick it up.
Then, all the other bells started to ring....
Joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying: "Joey seems to be a
very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls."
The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise.
I have the same problem with his father."
A man goes to a dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls
out a freezing needle to give the man. "No way! No needles! I hate
needles!" the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.
"I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having the gas mask on is
suffocating to me!"
The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection", the patient says, "I am fine with pills".
The dentist left for a moment and when he returned, says "Here is a V*agra
tablet."
The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know the V-Pill worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn't," said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold
onto when I pull out your tooth."
An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very
happy marriage, he had a heart attack. The doctor advised him that, in
order to prolong his life, they should cut out sex.
He and his wife discussed the matter and decided that he should sleep in
the family room downstairs to save them both from temptation.
One night, after several weeks of this, he decided that life without sex
wasn't worth living. So he headed upstairs. He met his wife on the
staircase and said: "I was coming to die."
She laughed and replied: "I was just coming down to kill you!"
Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25
years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and
watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a
hot 25 year old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm
sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding
up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25
year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living
in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed...
Štedio Milan Bandić za stan. Godinama odvajao euro po euro. Ukazala se prilika za novi stan, a Milanu nedostaju još 2 eura.
Ne želeći propustiti priliku, počne šetati po sobi kao profesor Baltazar. I sjeti se!
Nazove brata u Njemačku:
«Halo, Dragane, ovdje Milan. Slušaj, kupujem stan, trebaju mi 2 eura.»
Brat Dragan, u prvi čas malo zbunjen, brzo se snašao:
«Ej, šaljem ti 4, pa kupi i meni jedan.»
Imam veliki problem i molim Vas za iskreni savjet.
Već pola godine žena mi se čudno ponaša.
Kad god je u mom društvu, šapće dok razgovara mobilnim telefonom,
primljene poruke odmah briše i ne dozvoljava mi da ih čitam.
Kad izađe u grad, vraća se kasno i kaze mi da
je bila sa prijateljicama koje ja ne poznajem.
Ne koristi svoj auto, vec uzima taksi.
Na povratku kući, navodni taksist je ne ostavlja ispred zgrade,
već 100 metara niže niz ulicu.
Pošto mi je to postalo sumnjivo,
odlučio sam da se sam uvjerim da li se radi o taksiju,
ili je netko drugi dovozi kući.
Smislio sam genijalnu ideju da parkiram svoj auto
u blizini mjesta gdje obično izlazi iz "taksija"
i skriven iza njih, sam se uvjerim u to.
Jedne noći dok sam tako čučao skriven iza auta,
primijetio sam da mi se pojavila korozija na zadnjem desnom blatobranu.
Dakle, treba mi Vas savjet:
da li da zamijenim kompletan blatobran novim,
ili je dovoljno da sastružem koroziju,
premažem blatobran špric kitom i sve to fino prelakiram.
Unaprijed zahvalan!
Mah-mah
(Zavjesa se dize, radnja fabule nedje oko Bosanske Dubice)
ROMEO : (polupijan ispod njenog prozora)
Hajd' bona silazi, ne pravi se luda!
JULIJA: (pospana, bezvoljna, nikakva)
Ako ti moj stari sidje ostaces bez muda
ROMEO: Nesto mi se, o prohtjelo bas
ove prekrasne noci da mi je das
JULIJA: Tvoj mac bih zarko osjetiti htjela
al' veceras oca m' ne bih smjela.
ROMEO: Skraticu za glavu svakog' nek se zna
ko te bude im'o prije nego ja.
JULIJA : Romeo, Romeo daj jednom shvati
samo sam je tebi spremna dati
ROMEO : Dobro, da ne bih mor'o tuđe glave sjec'
ovog puta vjerovacu ti na rijec
JULIJA: Hajd' sad kuci jebo ti sve
joj vid' kolko je sati! Hajd' cuvaj se!
ROMEO : De barem tol'ko se odvazi
pa mi je na minut pokazi!
JULIJA : (taman krenu da skine gace)
Joj bjezi eto mi cace.
OTAC JULIJIN : Uhljupe jedan opet si dos'o
kako si samo kroz mine pros'o?!
ROMEO : Nemojte cika Mato
Julija je moje zlato.
JULIJA :(ocu) Ma ja ga uopste ne znam
nisam ga zvala, dos'o je sam.
ROMEO :M'rsss ne lazi kujo mala!
Znam ja sve kome si dala.
JULIJIN OTAC: Odlazi odavde bijedni psu
dok nisi pao mrtav tu!
JULIJA : Ma ti si Romeo u seksu amater.
Udri ga babo jebes mu mater!
ROMEO: (dade se u panican bijeg
brzo k'o metak pobjeze uz brijeg)
JULIJA (prasnu u smijeh): A vid mangupa al' bjezi
a htio bi kraj mene da lezi.
JULIJIN OTAC: Babo ce tebi momka da nađe
a ovoga će uhljupa neko zlo da snađe.
ROMEO (viče s brijega): E mangupe, dodji u carsiju ako smijes
da vidim jesi l' spreman da se bijes.
JULIJA: (cerekajući se): Romeo, Romeo odjebi ba
ako nastaviš tako ranicu se ja.
JULIJIN OTAC: Idi kući bolan Romeo
dok nisam s tobom asfalt pomeo.
ROMEO: Ako zovnem Hamleta mog jarana
nećeš izac' iz bolnice mjesec dana.
JULIJA: E dobar ti jaran, dobro ga znam
neki dan je trazio da mu je dam.
ROMEO: Opet lazeš, on Ofeliju voli
sta ima tebe za sex da moli.
JULIJIN OTAC: (Ode u kucu, vode da pije)
JULIJA: ( K'o fol ozbiljna a u sebi se smije.)
ROMEO: Odoh sada kuci ko te jebe
idem da nadjem trebu za sebe.
JULIJA: Nemoj bolan Romeo strpi se do jutra
ako ne dobijem, dacu ti sjutra.
ROMEO: Ma daji kome hoces sad mi je svejedno
ne zelim vise da zivim ovako bijedno.
JULIJA: Ma steta da nestane taki sevac.
Ne zelis valjda da umres k'o djevac ?
(Zadiže majicu pokaza mu grudi
u Romeu poce zelja da se budi)
ROMEO: (sav ushicen) O Julija oko moje crno
ma neka me pogodi puscano zrno.
Eto me k tebi, nemogu vise
iako znam da crno mi se pise.
JULIJA: Dodji dodji, dilbere moj
da vidim taj buzdovan tvoj.
ROMEO: (Trci, sa sebe odjecu skida
draganu svoju ne gubi iz vida)
(Ulazi kroz prozor, na trosjed sjeda)
JULIJA: Pozuri dok babo utakmicu gleda!
ROMEO: Hajde,hajde, brze se skidaj!
Ako naidje ti vikni "Kidaj!"
JULIJA: (Dohvati nekakvu polupraznu bocu
vise i ne razmisljajuci o svome ocu)
Hajd' da popijemo pa sta god da je
cula sam da onda duze traje.
ROMEO: Ne trazi čaše
pićemo iz flaše.
JULIJA: Hajd' ja ću prva prince moj.
Uh masalla, masalla kol'ki je taj tvoj!
ROMEO: (Uze iz Julijinih ruku flasu)
Hajd' da pijemo za ljubav nasu.
Ispraznise bocu za par minuta
Julija postade k'o nesto ljuta.
JULIJA: Znas da moje srce tebe voli
al' sad me nesto poce stomak da boli.
ROMEO: A joj meni djevojko bludna
neceš valjda reci da si trudna!
JULIJA: Marss, gluho bilo, stoko jedna
tvoja su nagadjanja tako bijedna.
ROMEO: (Odjednom pade na tlo)
uh jebote, šta sam ovo popio!?
JULIJA: "Otrov za pacove" evo bas citam
nisam prije stigla starog da pitam
ROMEO: O Julija, Julija ti nas sjeba.
E Romeo ludi tako ti i treba.
JULIJA: Izvini Romeo mislila sam da je vino
baš mi je izgledalo onako fino.
ROMEO: (Faca mu je totalno bijesna)
Sad ce ti "mala" ostat tijesna.
JULIJA: Ti umires ne saznavsi sta prava je ljepota
ne "umoci" nista za svoga zivota.
ROMEO: (dopuza do Julije blize)
Na tebe ce vjecno da mi se dize.
To izusti
i dusicu pusti
a samo je htjeo
da joj ga spusti.
JULIJA: (nestaje joj iz ociju plamen)
Kakva steta, a tvrd mu je k'o kamen.
(Zatvara oci posljednji put)
Znam babo će biti na mene ljut.
-----------------------
3 dana poslije:
OFELIJA: Jes' cuo za ono dvoje ?
Bas steta, onako mladi.
HAMLET: Ma cuo sam bona, neg' se skidaj
dok nema nikog da se nesto radi.
* dati ili ne dati pitanje je sad *
(spustanje zavese, Dubica pljesce)
Pita uciteljica djecu:
- Tko moze staviti rupu u rupu?
Odmah Maja dize ruku:
- Ja drugarice uciteljice.
Sastavi kaziprste i palceve ruku, napravi trokut i stavi oko usta.
- Bravo!- rece uciteljica, -a tko moze staviti 3 rupe u jednu rupu?
Opet Maja:
- Ja znam, stavim trokut oko usta i oko nosa i zatvorila sam 3 rupe.
- Bravo!- rece uciteljica, -a 5 rupa?'
Opet Maja:
- Ja, samo stavim trokut i oko ociju.
U zadnjoj klupi Perica poludio i kaze:
- Mogu li ja postaviti jedno pitanje: Kako se moze staviti 9 rupa u jednu rupu?
Niko ne odgovara, kad on:
- ZABIJEMO FLAUTU MAJI U SUPAK.
Slomio Hercegovac ruku i dolazi kod doktora na pregled.
Doktor pogleda, snimi ruku, i kaze: "Prijatelju moj, morat ćemo stavljat gips."
A Hercegovac će: "Prč'n ti gips, stavljaj mramor!!!"
Molim vas, odbijte, ili cu morati upotrijebiti silu = Begamore Tuchichute
On voli sljivovicu = Piyeraki Yudo Yaya
Vrijeme je da krenem = Odokuchi
Lijepo sto ste svratili = Idikuchi
Odspavaj malo = Idikuchi Ubisowu
Trenutno je zauzet = Ribukara
On se sali s vama = Ate Zayebawa
On ne moze prestati pusiti = Nasugushi Kolkopushi J
Nasi konkurenti su ozbiljni = Onitamo Yebukewu
On ne predstavlja pretnju = Neka Migaduwa
Mislim da smo se izgubili = Yao Kudasada
Trebalo bi kupiti krumpir i mljeveno meso = Yedemi Semusaka
Dobar tek = Malodishi
On je jako dobar muz = Agatura Doyaya
On se toga plasi = Nemamuda
Ozuh = Mamukara
Maceha = Mometati Pushikaru
Svekrva = Wadidushu
Musko = Imakitu
zensko = Imapitsu
Homoseksualac = Kituima Kitupushi
Lezbijka = Imapitsu Ocheribu
Nju muskarci ne zanimaju = Owariba Nechekara
Imamo zenu za direktora = Namadisha Imapitsu
Gatara = Chiribuchi Riba
On voli gledanje u karte = Ochegata
On ne vjeruje u vradzbine = Nechegata
Super mi je s njim = Tura Miduboko
On je spavao s njom = Natako Yenakitu
Seks = Kita Upitsu
zelim seks (M) = Nakitu Minayashi
zelim seks (z) = Udjimi Upitsu
Analni seks = Kitakara Teudupe
Oralni seks = Aypopu Shimikitu
Muškarca: mladog, uspješnog, sa sređenim materijalnim i
stambenim pitanjem, simpatičnog, veselog, predivnog, koji ne
pije i ne puši, koji nije narkoman, sa smislom za humor, načitanog,
odanog, heteroseksualnog, koji nije dosadan, velikodušnog, s atletskim
tijelom, neoženjenog, bez djece, bez tone dosadne rodbine
SAMO HOĆU VIDJETI!!!
www.loverbeast.com
Pao avion u džunglu. Poginuli svi putnici osim, jasno, Jane. I tako
ona tetura kroz đunglu, kad je, uz obalu obližnje rijeke ugleda, te
napadne krokodil. Prestrašena, samo se sledi iščekujući kraj u
čeljustima krokodilovim. No, u zadnji tren, od nekud doleti Tarzan i
teatralno ubije krokodila (ono, kad mu rasteže usta), te time spasi Jane.
Zahvalna Jane se odmah zaljubi u Tarzana i krene razgovarati s njim.
Nakon par uvodnih rečenica gdje je ona shvtila da je on lord,
odgojile ga životinje itd, itd, Jane upita:
- Tarzane... šta ti jedeš.
- Tarzan ulovi, Tarzan zakolje, Tarzan pojede.
- A, Tarzane, kako se oblačiš?
- Tarzan ulovi, zakolje, oguli... Tarzan napravi gaće.
- A Tarzane, kako ti s... khm, khm... onim stvarima... znaš...
- Tarzan nađe drvo s rupom, Tarzan obavi.
- Pa, gledaj Tarzane, ja sam žena...
te ona na to zadigne suknju, pregne se i okrene mu stražnjicu.
Tarzan, ni pet, ni šest, odvali jedan pristojni volej nogom u
gore spomenutu guzicu.
- HEJ! ŠTA JE TEBI??! Upita ona!
- Tarzan provjerava da nema vjeverice .
Bili Mujo i Haso u školi,i sad učiteljica pozove Muju pred ploču.
Učiteljica: 'Mujo nabroji mi par pra-životinja.'
Mujo: 'Dinosauri, emmm...'
Haso mu iza šapne: 'Mamuti'
A Mujo njemu: 'A ja tebi sestru'!
Na sredini Paskog mosta, na samom rubu ograde, stoji preljepa i savrseno
gradjena plavusa. Gleda dolje u sinje more i hoce se ubit, kad ... naidje
mladi i naociti pomorac u uniformi.
- Djevojko, sto to radis nasred mosta? - povice pomorac.
- Ma hocu se ubit, svi me muskarci svaki dan samo zele seviti i nista
vise, nitko se nebi samnom druzio i razgovarao! - odgovori tuzno plavusa.
- Nemoj tako, nismo svi isti, evo ja se upravo danas ukrcavam na brod za
Ameriku, pa ako hoces kreni samnom na besplatni put. Mozes spavati na
drugom krevetu u mojoj kabini a ja cu ti potajno donositi hranu. Samo...,
moras mi obecati da ces ostati skrivena u mojoj kabini, jer ako te kapetan
otkrije oboje smo nastradali.
...I razmisli plavusa i pomisli: "Evo nade za bolji zivot u Americi!" - i
tajno se, te noci ukrca s njim na brod...
Prvog dana donese pomorac dorucak u kabinu i vrati se na posao. Donese
joj rucak i opet se vrati na posao. Naveèer joj donese veceru i mrtav
umoran od posla srusi se u svoj krevet i zaspi. I tako isto bijase i drugi,
i treci i peti dan ... A plavusi, iz dana u dan, pomorac sve drazi i drazi,
pa nakon tjedan dana shvati da se zaljubila u njega. Kada je te veceri
dosao u kabinu, ona ga poljubi i zavrse u zestokom seksu .
I tako plovise oni dva i pol mjeseca. Preko dana on bi radio, a ona bi,
zahvalna i sretna, s uzivanjem cistila i pospremala njihovu kabinu. A
svaku bi vecer uski brodski krevet glasno skripio od njihovog strasnog
seksa. Sve dok jednog prijepodneva u kabinu slucajno ne udje kapetan broda.
Ugleda prekrasnu plavusu i u cudu je upita:
- Djevojko sto vi radite na mom brodu !!??
- Ma znate kapetane ..., ja sam se htjela ubiti jer me svi muskarci zele
samo seviti i nitko se od njih ne bi se samnom druzio i razgovarao.
Spasio me vas mladi pomorac i poveo ovim brodom na put u Ameriku. Riskirao
je svoj posao kako bi mi pomogao i predivan je prema meni, cijeli dan
naporno
radi i donosi mi hranu. Zavoljeli smo se i svaku vecer istinski vodimo
ljubav dok se nase duse i tijela spajaju u jedno. Razno-razni
pokvarenjaci vise
ne iskoristavaju moje tijelo, vise me nitko, kako vi muskarci odvratno
kazete, ne "jebe"...
Kapetan je mirno pogleda preko svojih naocala i hladnokrvno odgovori:
- Jebe on tebe sreco, jebe ... Samo te jebe ... Jer duso ... ovo je
trajekt Prizna - Zigljen !!!
Jeste li znali:
Francuski kralj Filip IV. dao je 13. listopada 1307. uhititi sve
pripadnike Templarskog viteškog reda kako bi se domogao njihova
bogatstva. Templari su posvuda optuženi za herezu pa su pobijeni ili
spaljeni na lomači. Nasuprot Europi, Hrvati su posljednje templare
zaštitili u zasebnim utočištima. Kako je njihov progon počeo u petak
trinaestog, taj se dan od tada smatra nesretnim!
mudrost života:
/*" Ne igraj se sa ženskim srcem, jer ono je samo jedno!*/
/* Igraj se sa ženskim grudima, njih su dvije!! "*/
by: neznani mislioc s kraja 20. stoljeća
Razgovaraju Francuz, Talijan i Rus kada i sto je kome najljepse.
Talijan:"... romanticna vecera, una bella donna, pasta, pa onda vodimo
ljubav do zore."
Francuz:" ... setnja Parizom sa mojom Jacqueline, vecera u restoranu,
svijece,sir,vino, pa onda vodimo ljubav do sitnih jutarnjih sati."
Rus:"... Sibir, - 40 °C, 4 sata ujutro, ti spavas u toploj baraci. Udje
zapovjednik straze i vikne: "SERGEJ, NA STRAZU !!!" ... a ti nisi Sergej"
|
, trenutno imam dva - "paradni" - oslika, lagan, samo 7.5 kg & "borbeni" - čisti čelik, malo teži, cca 12 kg 
), programiranje, web design, ninjitsu, podučavanje Tae Kwon Do-a, srednjovjekovno europsko mačevanje (longsword, mmmm);
, napucah 15ak kila u prvih godinu dana veze), pit, spavat, visit na kompu i mrak ali prvensveno svoju dragu i sve aktivnosti vezane za nju 
);
;