YOU KNOW YOU'RE CROATIAN WHEN ...
Your Dida has a shot of Rakija for breakfast
At least one family member makes his own wine
"Sljivovica" is used not only to celebrate all occasions, but to cure illness and as a massage lotion as well
At the age of 13, you are allowed to go out of town with your friends for Croatian soccer tournaments, folklore festivals and dances
You were still in elementary school the first time you got drunk
Your parents were at the function where you got drunk
The majority of your friends are also your relatives, and even if they aren't your relatives, you refer to their parents as "Teta" and "Striko"
You are the only kid in your class who doesn't get to sleep in on Saturdays because of "Hrvatska skola"
"Kuhace" are not only used for stirring when cooking...they are also used by Mama to beat you when there is no "siba" handy
At least once before you've told your parents that you'll call the police to report "child abuse" and each time your parents said "Samo probaj"
Mama beat you in public on at least one occasion
When leaving the house to go out, you always receive the same warnings (regardless of age): -"Pazi sta radis", "Pamet u glavu", "Nemoj me sramotit", "Nemoj da ja sta cujem"
Sadly, if something actually does happen, somehow Mama will know before you make it home
Mama gets pissed off at you for bringing home McDonalds saying, "sta ce ti taj junk?"
Your parents insist that you'll end up a nobody if you don't graduate from "fakultet"
Lunch on Sundays have more courses than Kanadjani have for Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner
You know that in addition to fruit flavoured Jello, that gelatin can also be prepared with pigs feet
You love "pasteta", but don't like bringing it to school or work for lunch because you'd be embarassed if someone asked you what it was
There is a slab of fat in your fridge called Slanina
Your mother washes the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher
All meals your parents have ever prepared contain one key ingredient:
"Vegeta"
Vegetarianism is not a concept your parents understand
All other action stops when you hear people speaking Serbian in a store somewhere and your mom starts to talk to you in English so that the Serbian people won't find out you speak "their" language and start trying to be your friend.
You insist that you can spot a Serb from a mile away
You have at least one short-wave radio in your house
You smell garlic on the old man's breath behind you sitting on the klupa in church on Sunday mornings
There is a bar in your church hall that contains a 2 year supply of Brandy
You live with your parents until you are married
Mama thinks that whenever you get sick it's because you didn't eat enough
You are never ever allowed to sit by an open window for fear of catching pneumonia from the "propuh" (even in the middle of summer)
When upset, it isn't unusual for Tata to send you "u pizdu materinu"
Baba and Dida wear at least 3 layers of clothing in all seasons
Dida spits into a napkin at the dinner table
Your parents turn the channel when there is a kissing scene
Dida insists you are quiet while he watches the news even though he doesn't understand a single word they're saying, and regardless of the fact he doesn't understand what they're saying he knows more about what's going on in the world than you do
You never got the "Birds and the Bees" talk from Mama and Tata as you were growing up
The use of vulgar language at home is unacceptable, unless it is Croatian
Whenever your parents said "vidit cemo" you knew that it meant "NO!"
Everything that goes wrong in the world can somehow be traced back to Serbs
Your cousin in Croatia who calls you to send him money had a cell phone before you and wears only name brand clothing
Your relatives in Croatia think it's strange if you are not married by the age of 18
You are only allowed to vacation in the homeland
You are only allowed to speak Croatian at home English words are acceptable if used with the ending "A-T-I" which makes them Croatian... "play-ati", "study-ati"
You have 17 consonants in your name and only 2 vowels
Your 13 yr old sister can out drink any Kanadjanin
Your cringe when you hear the word BATINE and hide
Your dida mows the lawn in knee-high black socks and sandals
Your parents still prefer buying cassetes over cds
Noone can pronounce your last name and every kid on the block has a nickname for it
A CROATIAN wedding consists of a minimum of 400 people, 2/3 of which u don't even know.
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