Šund zabavnik

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Bok!
Ja sam Glupinickname a ovo je "Šund zabavnik" - trivijalni blog o trivijalnim temama. Njihov popis možete pronaći ovdje.

Čitamo se!

(GNN)

Stranice
Fantastika - SF&F podforum IMF-a
AV Club - krasan način za gubit vrijeme
TV Tropes Wiki - Learn it. Love it. Live it.
Roger Ebert - zakon recenzije i zakon blog
Wrong Side of Art - stoljeće filmskog šunda
Good Show Sir - samo najgore SF naslovnice
Shorpy - fantastični skenovi starih fotografija
Modern Mechanix - vickasta znanost jučerašnjice
Tales of the Future Past - budućnost kakva je trebala biti.
Dark Roasted Blend - kul stvari iz znanosti, tehnologije i šunda

Blogovi
"Beware! The Blog!" - moj stari blog
At the Diner - patnje mladog Nighthawka
Blogov kolac - blog Darka Macana
Svijet u boci - odem pa čitam
Nefove kolumne - funny as Hell
Nepoznati Zagreb - "Ulicama moga grada..."
Dečko koji obečava - trash movies galore
Almighty Watashi - da ne postoji, trebalo bi ga izmislit





30.04.2009., četvrtak

Viva Bandić!

Baš se nekako zalomilo da zadnjih tjedana da igram "Tropico". U ovoj, za Hrvatsku vrlo poučnoj igri iz 2001. godine, vi ste El Presidente – diktator malog karipskog otočića koji dolazi na vlast 1950. Tijekom karijere susretat ćete se sa razmaženim otočnim stanovništvom (te bi stanove, te bi posao, te bi manje poreze), cendravim intelektualcima, vojskom koja stalno prijeti državnim udarom te uvlačenjem u šupak Americi i Sovjetima.

Prije same igre birate svog El Dictatora. Pored takvog salona slavnih poput Evite i Juana Perona, Papa Doc Duvaliera ili Augusta Pinocheta, možete kreirati i svog vlastitog El Presidentea sa specifičnim vrlinama (Čovjek iz naroda, Karizmatičan…), načinom dolaska na vlast (državni udar, revolucija, kupio izbore…) i – meni najdražim – manama. "Big Schmozoola" je recimo mana kod koje su vaši pokušaji laskanja drugima tolko jadni i glupi da imate velke minuse u diplomaciji… osim kod najglupljih slojeva Tropikanaca koji vam se fakat dive. Zato ja u Tropiku nikad ne gradim škole.

"Tropico" efektivno demonstrira kako se u banana državama poput naše vlada rajom. Kad mi se široke narodne mase krenu plakat da nemaju di živjet, sagradim im jedan stambeni blok – jeftin, velik i ružan - a onda još tim zahvalnim kretenima nabijem rentu. Svaka nova zgrada košta 20% skuplje od kojih 10% ide na moj račun u Švicarskoj. Mjesec dana prije izbora, napravim velki tulum, svakom biraču dam 100 dolara i onda budale još glasaju za mene. Kada mi prifali radnika u tvornici kubanskih cigara, sližem se sa Crkvom i zabranim kontracepciju tak da natalitet skoči a ja zaposlim malu dječicu da mi ručno motaju cigare. U mom Tropicu postoji samo jedan radio program – "All Presidente, All Day" i samo jedna TV stanica – "Government is Your Friend."

I sve je to bilo smiješno i zabavno dok danas, manje od mjesec dana prije izbora za zagrebačkog gradonačelnika, nisam od Bandića primio sto kuna "uskršnjeg poklona" u kešu.

Pa, sad bar znam kak će mi se zvat sljedeći diktator u "Tropicu".

Viva El Presidente!

(GNN)

- 10:02 - Rubrika: Za dopisovanje (4) - Dečje novine, Gornji Milanovac - X marks the spot

28.04.2009., utorak

Kako se zaštititi od svinjske gripe?



Naravnoučenije

Epidemije se može spriječiti ubijanjem penzionera.

(GNN)
- 14:16 - Rubrika: Za dopisovanje (3) - Dečje novine, Gornji Milanovac - X marks the spot

22.04.2009., srijeda

Kozmički komadi

Aly Fell britanski je ilustrator i animator koji voli crtati zgodne ženske ubačene u retro-SF, šund ili pak horor scene. Na njega sam prvi put nabasao kad mi je frend poslao jedan od njegovih crteža - alternativno povijesnu sliku u kojoj je elizabetanska Engleska zapravo bila fašistička država. Sa cepelinima. A Francis Drake žena.

Khm, da.

Kad bolje razmislim, ova premisa bi zapravo pretvorila "Zlatno doba kraljice Elizabete" u puno bolji film, tak da možda Aly i nije tolko u krivu.

A sad još malo slika sa Aly Fallovog sajta:

Sky Angel - retro-futuristička tetica opremljena fantastičnim parom... blastera.

Nancy Goodaim, Space Ranger - u epizodi "Space Slaves of Venus"!

Naslovnica IFX-a - u Fallovoj viziji retro-budućnosti zgodne žene moraju imati florescentnu šminku i pramenove kako bi se olakšala noćna navigacija prema njima.

Flight Lieutenant Jane Cromwell - pilotkinja iz Prvog svjetskog rata. Za divno čudo, zakopčana je do vrata.

Flight Sergeant Miki Sato - sa Tommy ganom. Zakon! zubo

Daisy the Driller - inspirirana slikom "Rosie the Riveter" Normana Rockwella, propagandnim plakatom iz Drugog svjetskog rata.

Sunny Crust (tm) - reklama za kruh u stilu 1950ih. Obratite pažnju na ironična upozorenja u stilu "Fallouta".

Sam Gunn, Alien Detective - Cthulhu kao privatni detektiv!

Eduardo, Master of the Art
- Alistair Crowley u neznantno drugačijoj karijeri od stvarne.

(GNN)

- 10:00 - Rubrika: Za dopisovanje (1) - Dečje novine, Gornji Milanovac - X marks the spot

15.04.2009., srijeda

GNN-ovo internet mudroslovlje

Tijekom godina sam po netu, knjigama i kompjuterskim igrama nabasal na čitav niz citata koje sam, u ovom ili onom obliku iskoristio kao dio svog potpisa: u mejlovima, na njuzgrupama, na forumima., di god. Predstavljavam vam neke od bisera pučke mudrosti po GNN-u:



Pjesmuljci:

"here i sit, on the internet
a more current current i've yet not met
shelves of bound, pretty, and well-crafted books:
their content is the source of my most content looks
yet 12 hours a day i am here, not there - it's virulent
am i truly content unless the content of the current is current?"
--Trevor Boyer


"Vincent Malloy is seven years old,
He's always polite and does what he's told.
For a boy his age he's considerate and nice,
But he wants to be just like Vincent Price."
-- Tim Burton: "Vincent"


"Goblins chew and goblins bite,
Goblins cut and goblins fight,
Stab the dog and cut the horse,
Goblins eat and take by force!

Goblins race and goblins jump,
Goblins slash and goblins bump,
Burn the skin and mash the head,
Goblins here and you be dead!

Chase the baby, catch the pup,
Bonk the head to shut it up!
Bones be cracked, flesh be stewed,
We the goblins—you the food!"
-- Goblin Chant, Classic Monsters Revisited



Par citata iz prve i druge "Thief" igre:

"I've a simple job planned for this evening: break into a guarded mansion, steal another fat nobleman's priceless trinket and leave quietly."
-- Garrett, glavni lik igre, u "Thief: The Dark Project"


"Hammer, anvil, forge and fire,
Chase away the hoofed liar.
Roof and doorway, block and beams,
Chase the Trickster from our dreams."
-- religijski fanatici, "Thief: The Dark Project"


"I detest the tongue and abhorr the lips
for they can twist the truth into lies.
I am the Child of Karras
and no lips nor tongue have I."
-- Children of Karras, steampunk roboti koji recitiraju svete spise u igri "Thief 2: The Metal Age"



Filmovi i pisanje:

"A man goes to the movies. The critic must be honest enough to admit he is that man."
--Robert Warshow


"A great movie is a movie I cannot bear the thought of never seeing again."
-- Derek Malcolm Test


"The original "Shadow" novels were pounded out by Walter Gibson at a rate of 60,000 works a week, and consumed by magazine and radio audiences not because they were individually great, but because collectively they created a dream."
-- Roger Ebert, recenzija filma "The Shadow"


"The Shadow was created during the Depression, when the mean streets were dark and threatening, and it was comforting that there was a denizen of the night who fought for good, not evil. It still is.
-- Roger Ebert, ista recenzija


"Pisati ne znači drugo nego misliti. Nered u rečenicama je posljedica nereda u mislima, a nered u mislima je posljedica nereda u glavi, a nered u glavi je posljedica nereda u čovjeka, a nered u čovjeka je posljedica nereda u sredini i u stanju te sredine. Ako je netko odlučio vrsiti kritiku, a to znači da hoće od nereda u rečenicama, u mislima, u glavama, u ljudima i u sredinama stvarati red, onda takav subjekt ne smije biti neuredan ni u rečenicama ni u glavama ni u mislima."
-- Miroslav Krleža



Svakaj nekaj pametnog:

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
-- Hanlon's Razor


"No matter what, I am sure the truth is a lot more lame and stupid than sinister or dramatic."
-- scutisorex shrewlord, CM


"Too much of a good thing is an awesome thing, but too much of an awesome thing is, um, really really dumb. And bad."
--Strong Bad, "Homestar Runner"


JOHNNY TANGENT: "This whole premise reminds me of every fantasy movie I have ever seen yet it reminds me of none of them."
ME: "That's D&D for you."


"On an arbitrary numerical scale of conversational oddness, ranging from one to ten, with ten being the oddest conversation I've ever had, and a seven being the oddest conversation I have in a typical day, this rates no better than five."
-- Neil Stephenson: "System of the World"


"A voice was heard to say, "Who dares disturb the Crypt Of the Immortal Space Bitches"
"I am Grimm Shado," said Grimm Shado, his triple wand claws extending. "And I am here to take it to the limit."
-- L.H. Franzibald: "The Song of the Sorcelator"



I na koncu, NINĐE!

"Metak izbačen iz cevi vatrenog oružja, pa makar to bila i najsavremenija automatska puška, ima svoju sopstvenu putanju određenu strogim zakonima spoljne balistike, i na njega se više ne može uticati. Čovek koji te zakone pozna i ima dovoljno refleksa i brzine, može lako izbeći hicu iz vatrenog oružja. Dovoljno je samo ukloniti se sa njegove putanje, pa čak i kad je čitav rafal u pitanju."
-- Derek Finegan: "Mržnja nindže je večna"


"-Volim te! - ponovila je gledajući ga pravo u oči, a niz obraze su joj se kotrljale krupne suze, kapale na grudi, ostavljajući tanke tragove vlage na njima. - Volim te, ludače!

Ispod kapuljače, ninđa se prigušeno nasmeja.

-A ja - reče - ja tebe MRZIM, Di Gunarsen!"
-- Derek Finegan: "Mržnja nindže je večna"

(GNN)

- 10:20 - Rubrika: Za dopisovanje (2) - Dečje novine, Gornji Milanovac - X marks the spot

08.04.2009., srijeda

Velko finale

This week I ran my last WFRP session - at least for the time being.

With Hildebard's player bailing out on us in the last moment due to the broken car, party went to their final showdown with cult leaders. Ugrim went to the Watch's commander and asked him for help though, so the guy woke up about ten watchmen – it was already around midnight in-game - to help them surround the cultists performing the Ritual of the Slumbering Earth Dragon in an old druid circle. They've also explained Hildebard's absence by sending him to round up support of Sigmarites and Verenians and follow them as quickly as possible.

Here was the situation at the beginning of the game: white D6-es are standing stones. Rubber is an altar where innocent girl - the same one party returned home after she got lost so many gaming moons ago - is tied up. As irony would have it, it turned out her mother, Brunhilda, is in fact Cult Priestess (purple D6) and now she's chanting the ritual with the help of three other cultists ( transparent dice). Six other cultists (green dice) are dancing around them. Meanwhile, Vizinni - master-swordsman and one of the merchants from the City Council is observing the proceedings. He is represented by Kill Bill D6.

Dieter and Ugrim ordered the watchmen to surround the circle and light their torches at Dieter's signal. Bullwick and Yuviel hid behind the stones in the right part of the map while D&U proceeded to non-chalantly enter the circle from the left.

Dieter: "Good evening everyone. I'm very sorry to disturb the festivities but it would be in your interest to surrender to us now, thank you very much."

Cultists were momentarily disturbed by Dieter's self-assured matter but Brunhilda starts quickly spewing threats, clouds cover Mannslieb, wind starts to blow and green-dice cultists all fall down to the ground squirming in pain. They start visibly changing, growing goat horns and feet and coarse hair all over their bodies. Beastmen! Manimals!

And now it's time for the first Insanity check of the evening: 1d3 Insanity points for failed Will Saves and I roll a one. Fuck! Well, Yuviel at least failed the check – as usual – gaining a big reward: Host of Fiends Insanity as represented by Daemon of Tzeench. I actually rolled most perfect Insanity for her: what with Sigmarites looking for albino elf mutant, she colored her hair black and named herself differently to blend in once again in the town.Split-personality is just perfect addition for her.

Now the party is the one momentarily disturbed – Dieter and Ugrim actually jump to each others' arms screaming at the top of their lungs – while the Beastmen continue to writhe in pain. But faithfull Bullwcik jumps into action with his sling, hitting Brunhilda straight into her head. Vizinni leaps towards Ugrim and Dieter with his rapier and starts kicking the Beastmen to join the fray.

It was a fun fight, made even more so because we were on the time limit: without Jay to transport us all home, we had to catch the last bus so we had about two hours to actually run the entire combat. We nervously glanced at the clock constantly and played our turns as fast as possible.

Dieter and Ugrim quickly got surrounded by Beastmen and Vizzini which gave the enemies nice fat bonuses on their Weapon Skill Tests, especially when combined with All-Out Attacks they were using. And, while Dieter insuccesfully tried to attack Beastmen, Ugrim quickly managed to kill one of them by slamming his axe smack in the middle between monster's horns.

Two Beastmen tried to ramm Bullwick and Yuviel with their horns, but not before Bullwick, the killer Halfling managed to kill my sweet spellcasting Brunhilda in mere two rounds! No jokes about halflings in this party anymore. Unfortunately, ritual continued with other three cultists chanting it. After dealing with their Beastmen, Yuviel and Bullwick started to make ranged attacks against chanters, downing them quickly but not before one of them slid the knife in the poor kid on the slab, ground started shaking and contoures of a giant earth-creature started to appear all around the druid circle: standing stones started to form into fingers, trees and shrubbery turned into hair, a small hill into a knee or an elbow, stuff like that. Basically, party was fighting in the middle of the Earth-Creature's chest.

Which meant another Insanity roll was due. This time I rolled 3 on 1d3 Insanity points which gave Ugrim and Dieter a nice big push toward Insanities. Ugrim was great in all of that, drawing attacks to himself and having giant Toughness Bonuses (I think somewhere around 6 or 7, with his armor included) it took about five opponents several rounds to actually bring him down to zero. And when I rolled a Critical hit against him, he went down bad with the worst-possible result on the Crit Hit Table: "opponent dies in a most blood-soaked and dreary way GM imagines". This was, BTW, enough to push Ugrim to over the edge into Insanity territory but, luckily, player had his one Fate Point he chose to spent now so that Ugrim didn't in fact died.

Dieter starts screaming "Ugrim! NOoooooOOOoOOOooooooooo! Reinforcements! Reinforcemenets!" and watchmen start running towards the battle. With Ugrim down, Beastmen naturally turn towards him and start kicking the crap out of him until he also fell down but not until him and Bullwick downed another Beastmen with the small help of watchmen. Getting a crit hit pushes Dieter also into an insanity territory – Third one in the same session! YAY! – and made him fall down and roll Toughness Saves each round so that he doesn't die. This, in turn, made his faithfull menservant Bullwick scream "Dieter! NOoooooOOOoOOOooooooooo!" and down Vizinni with a stone straight into his forehead.

While Yuviel stopped the ritual by killing all the chanters and prevented the creation of the Earth Creature, last thing Dieter sees is a whole bunch of Sigmarites and Verenians charging towards the remaining couple of Beastmen and timely arrival of Jay's character to heal him before everything turns to echoes, slow-motion and finally, dark.

But not to worry: everyone survived, Arnsberg was saved, XP was earned and insanities dispensed.

(GNN)

- 10:05 - Rubrika: Za dopisovanje (0) - Dečje novine, Gornji Milanovac - X marks the spot

01.04.2009., srijeda

Ozračje autentične srednjovjekovne mučionice

Party spent the evening sitting in their still-unopened tavern, discussing future plans of action. Just as they discussed their plans for making a blitzkrieg assault on the premises of a potential cult leader, they smelt smoke coming from the outside. No wonder – "The Cockmongler" was on fire!

So the party runs out smack in the middle of bandit ambush. Fight ensues while the local patrol of Sigmarites soon arrives and sees the whole mess. While party butchers their would-be murderers, Sigmarites and local residents organize themselves and start dousing out the flames before fire spreads out to other buildings.

Party kills most of the attackers: Yuviel actually manages to kill one, Bullwick killsteals the other with his sling and slaughters the third one in melee combat – proving you don't fuck around with halflings – while Hildebard almost goes to the Crit Hit Table, but not without dispersing some of the proverbial Verenian justice. All in all, party was great in their combat – I think I threw eight or nine bandits at them. Anyway, one bandit is left alive, unconscious and with Hildebard sitting on his chest

But here come the Sigmarites demanding to know why did the party start all this ruckus, what is their relationship with these brigands and are they or were they ever a member of the cultist party.

Party starts defending themselves. Luckily – for me – their official papers granting them rights to help and serve town's Guard are with Ugrim…. Who's getting himself drunk in the town's garrison. Scuffle breaks out, Hildebard defends himself and gets knocked unconscious while Sigmarite leaders proclaims "Fuck this! Take them all in and let Sigmar sort them out!" Bullwick and Dieter surrender and get taken with Hildebard and bandit into the Sigmar's temple. Yuviel sneaks away to get Ugrim's help. She tries unsuccessfully to pass through the guard. After one of them starts enquiring about secret weapons on her person and demaning to "search the little lady, heh heh" Yuviel threatens them that she'll shrunk their stuff because she's an elf and they can do that, you know.

Meanwhile, in the dungeons…

We're in the subterranean dungeons of the temple of Sigmar. "A scent of mildew emanates from wet dungeon walls." A set of torturing devices amply describes what awaits our heroes. Camera shows us Bandit hanging on chains, still unconscious. It moves to the right and shows Hildebard, also uncsoncious. It moves right again and shows us Dieter, bitten, pale, half-naked but with a stiff upper lip. It moves right again, then a bit down and shows Bullwick chained in a very special tiny set of chains.

Big, bald, ugly torturer arrives giggling like a kid. Think Sloth from the "Goonies". There's also an old, tiny man with a long beard, giant quill and a whole lot of scrolls on his person: that's Akakius Akakius, official scribe of the Sigmar's temple. They start torturing the bandit. Dieter and Bullwick heroically face their Will Power Tests.

Meanwhile, in the city's garrison, a wtachman pours a bucket of water on Ugrim's head – SPLASH! – and he wakes up to talk with Yuviel.

Shadowspawn: "I have to talk to you because improtant stuff has happened. By the way, you might not recognize my character at first because she has a black hair now and…"
DaysofMay: "Yes, do talk about your haircut! Never mind us, it's not like we're getting tortured or anything!"

So, after some discussion they ran to the Captain of the Guard who gets angry at Sigmarites blundering through his own investigation of the cultists: he already has his prison full of folk suspected of cultist activities and he figures them safer inside then in the town when they'll get promptly burned by Sigmarites or lynched by the hysterical mob. He decides to send his men to the main square where Sigmar's temple is and start a little siege of his own. Also, he sends party to get Verenians to help him.

In the dungeons, tortured bandit admits he was working for some suspicious smugglers that turned out to be cultists. He also mentions how the sewer monster that the party killed was used to hunt down and slaughter reluctant cultists and how one of the leaders, who hired the bandits to steal one of the mutant corpses from the morgue and display it on the town square wqas one of the Town Council members, Vizinni.

Bullwick sees some rats running around the dungeon. Ugrim's player comments: "Heh, now they're probably sitting in the comfy chairs, watching the torturing like those rats in "Wallace and Grommit" watch them launch their rocket while eating popcorn."

"Well funny you mention that" says I "cause these rats look similar to Brown Jenkin from "Dreams in the Witch House": disturbingly human-like creatures that are obviously whispering to each other LIKE THEY'RE SOME SORT OF SENTIENT BEINGS!!"

Bullwick rolls another Will Power Test.

In Verena' temple, leader of the temple quickly agrees to help Captain of the Guard to force Sigmarites once and for all to stop causing shit around Arnsberg in this moment of crisis. She talks to the old leader of Verenian Templars to take party through a secret passage into the sewers. There, they can find another secret passage that leads straight into Sigmarite dungeon where…

Akakius, the Sigmarite scribe fills out his scroll with badnit's last utterings of "Help! Help! Don't kill me! I'll tell you everything! Auch! Auch! Have mercy!" while torturer rolls now dead body from torture rack and grabs Dieter to torture him. Another Wil Power Test for Deiter and also, some damage.

But luckily, in that very moment, Ugrim, Yuviel and old Verenian Templar barge into the room through the secret passage. Yuviel shoots torturer with an arrow (he starts crying like a baby) while Ugrim bitchslaps Akakius and Templar releases remaining party members from chains.

"Man! Those rats sure must feel disappointed right now. Are they kicking tiny rocks while holding their hands in their pockets?" says Blackadder.

"No" says I "After looking at you one last time they run from the dungeon through a tiny hole. Camera follows them as they run through labyrinthine passages of Arnsberg sewers arriving finally to a hidden chamber where a man-sized rat things lurk, dressed like medieval executioners. Their leader has metal gas mask on his snout, goggles on his head and a big steam-powered boiler thingy on his back. Little rats report him what they've seen after which he angrily pulls out sme sort of metal pipe things, releases some valves and burns the rats with a green flame coming from the boiler thingy on his back.

(GNN)

- 10:03 - Rubrika: Za dopisovanje (0) - Dečje novine, Gornji Milanovac - X marks the spot

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