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23.12.2004., četvrtak
Grandpa's Gone Gangsta
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Larry Weaver CD: Everybody's Crazy But Me!!! There’s something very strange about grandpa He hasn’t been the same since grandmother passed away He just sits around the house watching rap videos on MTV all day And we worry all the time, granpa thinks he's Busta Rhymes. Grandpa: "If you really want to party with me, put your hands where my eyes could see! I can't see anything without my glasses. Where my glasses at? Hoody hoo!" There’s something very strange about grandpa He used to wear his pants hiked up as far as they would go And now he wears them sagging around his waist so his adult diaper shows He only speaks in ebonics, and he keeps asking for the chronic. Grandpa thinks he’s a gangsta And we think he’s too old to have his dentures capped in gold And he’s mad because we refuse to call him O.G. The Osteoporosis Gangsta Grandpa: "I’m not Puff Daddy. I’m Puff Grandaddy. I’m going to pour my 40 on the block for Biggie." Daugher: "Grandpa, you spilled your Metamucil" Grandpa: "Beeeeee-yotch!" There’s something very strange about grandpa He likes to make his Craftmatic bed go up and down He thinks he’s in the hoopty with hydraulics cruising through town There’s something wrong with his head, he wants neon put under his bed Grandpa: "I'm gonna call my crew. You gonna call your crew. We gonna rendevous at the bingo hall around two." Daughter: "Grandpa it's time for your rub down." Grandpa: "It's time for your beat down!" There’s something very strange about grandpa He put gold rims and spoilers installed on his wheelchair So he can go rolling to Miami and shake his derriere He said he got to clock his hos, he braided his toupee into cornrows. Grandpa thinks he’s a gangsta He thinks his pacemaker is a Skytel pager And he’s mad because we refuse to call him OG Grandpa's Gone Gangsta. Grandpa: "I’m bout it. I’m rowdy. I just passed a kidney stone." |
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Vicevi
 Dedica se obraća unuku. - Pogodi što imam u desnoj ruci? - Ne znam. Možda jabuku? - Nije. - Neću više da pogađam! - Reumu! Dođe djed mraz u Afriku, uzme malog crnca u krilo i pita ga: - Što bi želio da ti djed mraz donese? - Ja nisam jeo 30 dana ... - A ne, ne! Tko nije papao, neće dobiti poklon! Pitanje: Šta je jedino gore od Mc Donaldsa? Odgovor: Mek kurac! Dođe sin doma i kaže: - Mama, mama šta to smrdi po crkotini? Mama? Mama? Uzme Hitler bibliju, makne pepeo s nje i kaže: - Mater vam Židovsku, tu ste si groblje našli radit! Pitaju djeca baku: - Bako, bako je li se smijemo igrati s tvojom sisom? - Smijete, samo nemojte ići preko ceste! Izašla mama na dvorište i viče: - Leo, Leo, Leo ... - Kaj vam se sin ne zove Ivan?, upita susjeda. - Da, ali ima leukemija pa mu tepam. Napravio Hitler kuću od stakla i pošalje logoraše u nju i kaže im: - Tko dođe na prozor, ubit ću ga. Došao mali Perica kod mame i plače: - Maaamaaa meni se piiiškiii!!! - Ne plači sine, sad će te mama odvesti da piškiš. - Neću da me ti vodiš! - Dobro, onda će tata. - Neću, hoću da me vodi baka! - A zašto baš baka? - Njoj se tresu ruke. -Mama, mama ja ne volim baku - Šuti i jedi Znaš li u kojem položaju mora biti žena za vrijeme sexa da bi se rodilo ružno dijete? !!PITAJ MAMU!! Zašto na crnačkim vjenčanjima mažu zidove govnima? Da muhe ne bi išle na mladu! |
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