Sometimes I Cry So Hard From Pleading
so sick and tired of all the needless beating
GET TO KNOW ME
"You must want to spend the rest of your life with yourself first." - Rupi Kaur ♥
U svakom novom biću, na svakom novom mjestu, u svakom novog doživljaju ostavila si komadić srca svog. Pa zašto ga sad uzaludno tražiš kad si ga tako bezuvjetno dala?
Čitaj. Čitaj svaki dan.
miseci, kolika je onda bol bila, pa eto još si tu. I to si izdržala. Onaj strastveni borac u tebi ti kaže da će i ovo proći.
Kaže ti: znam da ti to možeš, znam da još ima snage u tebi, znam da još ima onog žara, pa ajde zainati se i pošalji ih u sve tri lipe, pošalji sve te unutarnje demone koje te odvlače i sisaju ti život, ne daj da te utope, odupri se, bori se, ja znam da možeš.
Nisam od velike vjere, ali molim se za tebe i ovaj put. Znaš da uvik navijam za tebe. I volim te više od ikoga. Ne zaboravi, čak i kada nitko nije tu, a nekako se uvik dogodi da nitko nije tu, siti se, da sam ja tu i želim da uspiješ.
Yours sincerely, Juliet S. ♥
Faciam ut mei memineris.
I was just and ordinary girl, and I fell in love with the senior. At that time it was just some childish love. He was older, I admired him and look at him as he was a god. Nothing unusual. The thing was that we were friends, by my side. I don't wanna go in every detail but he was something special. After a year, as it was to expect, he finished school and went to college. Another year had passed. I can't say that I forget about him but i continue my life. 2013. was quite a wild year for me. I was not anymore a freshman, I was curious and completely out my mind. I started drinking, a lot, I smoked weed, kissed shamelessly, partyed all night every weekend. It was at the end of summer.One night, with a little help of my dear friend Alcohol, we hooked up. Nothing extraordinary, but he kissed me and just like that I was back in "love". A day after that he saw me in a bar and he didn't evan say hello. I saw in his eyes he was embarrassed of last night and that cut me deep down. I wasn't expecting that we are going to be in relationship, I new that last night didn't ment to him anything but still all I wanted was a little respect. After all, we were quite a good friends. I was deeply disillusioned. As the end of the summer break came, he went back to college and I went back to high school. This infatuation held me for a while. At the begining of new year I found a guy who turned my life upside down. He was nothing like me. He was nice, polite, sweet, the definition of good guy. We were texting each other all day for 2 months before anything physically happens between us. I was devoted to him with all my body and soul but when he asked me for relationship I said no. I knew he didn't know me, the real me, and he was a already half way in love with me. I just couldn't hurt him more than I already did. Not one guy had ever come that close to me, to my heart but I wasn't ready. And he was on the way to his doom. More than one year has passed and I still think he is going to be forever in my heart. Not as a big great love but as a man who broke into my soul. I left him that day and never spoke to him again and I feel like the worst person for leaving him like that. But I know I did a right thing. I was a mess after that. This summer I finaly got my shits together I got into a college I wanted, I had a summer job and my loving friends. I was finaly truely happy. On the forth of august I went out with my friends.We popped on each other, we said hallo and I continued with my friends. Everything would be alright if in that moment when we saw each other some sparkle didn't light my heart. Just one beat and I fell for him all over again. We hooked up that night, again. The trouble is that that night wasn't like the first time. This time it ment something to him. I felt that. I knew that. After two years , he choose me. I know he felt how my heart was beating, but I felt his too. I can't explain why, but with him I feel good, I feel like that's where I have to be. But just like the first time we never spoke about that, nor will we. This time I new he looked at me, he looks at me every time we meet somewhere. I can't explain my feelings for him. I don't think it's love in true meaning, but it has to be some kind of devotion. We both now we are not good for each other. We together, it would be destruction. I don't want him but I need him. And now I know he needs me too. Maybe we'll satisfy with crumbs we give each other and one day we'll find someone to love or care enough to live with.
"There’s a corner of my heart that is yours. And I don’t mean for now, or until I’ve found somebody else, I mean forever. I mean to say that whether I fall in love a thousand times over or once or never again, there’ll always be a small quiet place in my heart that belongs only to you.” = only to you. ALWAYS...
Čovjek je rođen slobodan, a posvuda živi u okovima.
A sad dosta o tim pravnim sranjima. Da, istina je da prije 225 godina čovjek dobio "licencu" za slobodu. Ali što nam vrijedi svo to povijesno sranje i sva ta prava kada živimo u najvećem i najstrožem zatvoru koji je ikad postojao na kugli zemaljskoj. Okruženi idiotima i debilima koji osuđuju strože od Poncija Pilata i još pri tom misle da su u pravu i da je to ispravno za učiniti. Što mi vrijede svi ti napisani dokumenti prije tko zna koliko godina kad sam vezana čeličnim okovima? Zarobljeni smo materijalnim stvarima, novcem, pojmom utopije i ostalim glupostima koje su daleko više nebitne i nevažne za jedan ljudski život. Svaki trenutak svog života imam osjećaj da glumim nekog drugog jer ona prava ja ne može biti prihvaćena u ovom svijetu. Svaki pokret je pod velikim okom društva koje samo čeka neku grešku, najmanju sitnicu, najgluplju stvar da učiniš da te mogu izrugivati, podbadati, tračati, ... Nisam toliko pametna da shvatim poantu u svemu tom, ako ona uopće postoji. Ponekad mi padne na pamet da svi ti ljudi glume nekog drugog i baš kao ja samo žele biti prihvaćeni. Nemam pojma. Ali isto nikad neću shvatiti kako su neki ljudi uspjeli tog svog dvojnika prigrliti kao sebe samog i ujediniti se s njim u potpunosti, a u istom trenutku ne izgubiti samog sebe. Ja to ne mogu, bar se nadam da ne mogu. Nikad mi nije tuđe mišljenje predstavljalo duševnu hranu, ali lagali bi same sebe kad bi rekli da nam ono nije važno. Ja sam jedna od onih osoba koji će neke svoje stavove zadržati za sebe bez obzira koliko oni bitni bili. Odgojena sam da budem samostalna, da živim kao vuk samotnjak i da ne vjerujem ljudima. Možda zato glumim drugu osobu, jer nemam povjerenja. Apsolutno nikom ne vjerujem u potpunosti, a pokazalo se da mnogo ljudi vjeruje meni.
Zašto i kako je to moguće?
Pobogu, pa ja sam zarobila samu sebe?!!
Juliet S. ♥
Ispovijesti Juliet S.
gdje me nikad nije bilo strah reći što mislim, što imam potrebu, što osjećam, što moram!
Uvijek se iznova javlja ta prokleta potreba da negdje napišem sve što se nalazi u ovoj prepunoj
lopti što stoji na mom vratu. Vjerujem da je ovo jedino mjesto gdje nikog nije briga tko si ti,
šta radiš, kako se zoveš, tko su ti roditelji, tko sestra ili brat, ili bilo koje porodično pitanje.
Nikog nije briga, jednostavno uživaš. Izbaciš što trebaš. Daš ljudima onaj komadić svoje duše,
onaj dio koji nitko ne zna, koji nitko ne čita.
Vi čitate, vi gledate, vi shvaćate.
Oduvijek i zauvijek, with all my love Juliet S. ♥
But Baby When They Knock You Down And Out
It's where you oughta stay