You know when you're 15 years old and you just get to high school and everything is so new and exciting and you fall in love for 100 times in one week? Well, this is my story.
I was just and ordinary girl, and I fell in love with the senior. At that time it was just some childish love. He was older, I admired him and look at him as he was a god. Nothing unusual. The thing was that we were friends, by my side. I don't wanna go in every detail but he was something special. After a year, as it was to expect, he finished school and went to college. Another year had passed. I can't say that I forget about him but i continue my life. 2013. was quite a wild year for me. I was not anymore a freshman, I was curious and completely out my mind. I started drinking, a lot, I smoked weed, kissed shamelessly, partyed all night every weekend. It was at the end of summer.One night, with a little help of my dear friend Alcohol, we hooked up. Nothing extraordinary, but he kissed me and just like that I was back in "love". A day after that he saw me in a bar and he didn't evan say hello. I saw in his eyes he was embarrassed of last night and that cut me deep down. I wasn't expecting that we are going to be in relationship, I new that last night didn't ment to him anything but still all I wanted was a little respect. After all, we were quite a good friends. I was deeply disillusioned. As the end of the summer break came, he went back to college and I went back to high school. This infatuation held me for a while. At the begining of new year I found a guy who turned my life upside down. He was nothing like me. He was nice, polite, sweet, the definition of good guy. We were texting each other all day for 2 months before anything physically happens between us. I was devoted to him with all my body and soul but when he asked me for relationship I said no. I knew he didn't know me, the real me, and he was a already half way in love with me. I just couldn't hurt him more than I already did. Not one guy had ever come that close to me, to my heart but I wasn't ready. And he was on the way to his doom. More than one year has passed and I still think he is going to be forever in my heart. Not as a big great love but as a man who broke into my soul. I left him that day and never spoke to him again and I feel like the worst person for leaving him like that. But I know I did a right thing. I was a mess after that. This summer I finaly got my shits together I got into a college I wanted, I had a summer job and my loving friends. I was finaly truely happy. On the forth of august I went out with my friends.We popped on each other, we said hallo and I continued with my friends. Everything would be alright if in that moment when we saw each other some sparkle didn't light my heart. Just one beat and I fell for him all over again. We hooked up that night, again. The trouble is that that night wasn't like the first time. This time it ment something to him. I felt that. I knew that. After two years , he choose me. I know he felt how my heart was beating, but I felt his too. I can't explain why, but with him I feel good, I feel like that's where I have to be. But just like the first time we never spoke about that, nor will we. This time I new he looked at me, he looks at me every time we meet somewhere. I can't explain my feelings for him. I don't think it's love in true meaning, but it has to be some kind of devotion. We both now we are not good for each other. We together, it would be destruction. I don't want him but I need him. And now I know he needs me too. Maybe we'll satisfy with crumbs we give each other and one day we'll find someone to love or care enough to live with.
"There’s a corner of my heart that is yours. And I don’t mean for now, or until I’ve found somebody else, I mean forever. I mean to say that whether I fall in love a thousand times over or once or never again, there’ll always be a small quiet place in my heart that belongs only to you.” = only to you. ALWAYS...
Post je objavljen 27.12.2015. u 12:34 sati.