CLEAN EATING CLUB

Many children in families where domestic violence has occurred appeared to be "parentified." They are forced to grow up faster than their peers, often taking on the responsibility of cooking, cleaning and caring for younger children. Laura Gillberg, MSW, is the child and adolescent program director at Sarah's Inn, an agency in Oak Park, Illinois. She stated, "Many of these children were not allowed to have a real childhood. They don't trust their fathers because of his role as an abuser and they may have been worried about what to expect when coming home. They learned at a young age to be prepared for anything."

Children may also be isolated. Typical activities such as having friends over to their house may be impossible due to the chaotic atmosphere. "Kids aren't going to have their friends over when mom has a black eye." However, school performance is not always obviously affected. Children may respond by being overachievers.

Gillberg noticed that children in domestic violence tend to be either extremely introverted or extremely extroverted. Psychosomatic problems (aches and pains for no apparent reason) are common; these children's eating and sleeping patterns tend to be disrupted. Children who witness domestic violence can develop behavior problems, including aggression and violent outbursts.

Underlying all these "symptoms" of domestic violence are children's emotional responses: i.e. anger - misery - intense terror - fear of dying - fear of the loss of a parent. Children may feel rage, guilt, or a sense of responsibility for the violence, which can stifle emotional and social development. To learn and grow into a healthy adult, children must feel confident in the world and in themselves. Domestic violence can wipe out a child's confidence and leave them shocked.

Many of the youngsters who survived the exodus from Sudan were girls. They were often absorbed into foster homes, becoming domestic servants cooking, cleaning, chopping wood and on occasion entering into 'arranged' marriages and fetching a dowry for their adoptive parents. Kakuma camp, Kenya.
UNHCR / W. Stone / February 2002