četvrtak, 08.02.2007.
Speed up the time. Please?
- Votku. Duplu molim.
- Hm, ne misliš li da je malo prera..
- NE.
- Dobro.
Bila je jazz večer u gradu. Neki duet iz Mađarske, samting, samting… prijatelj i ja smo ušli u klub i sjeli za jedan stol sretni što smo pronašli mjesto. Pogled mi je spontano pao na dva stola do nas, i vidjela sam Njih. Nju i Njega. Gđicu Savršenu i gospodina Ostavio-sam-te-zbog-bolje. On mi je samo klimnuo glavom. A onda je došao konobar. Trebala sam dozu alkohola i to brzo.
Čudna je to stvar sa bivšima. Ne misliš na njih, čak te ni ne zanima šta rade i čim se bave u svom životu. Sa svojim prijateljima pljuješ po njima i njihovim glupim navikama, fetišima tokom seksa ili izjavama koje su ti se u vrijeme veze činile baš slatke, ali si nakon prekida naglo shvatila da u njima nema ništa slatko, nego da su bljutave i isfucane.
Ne zanima me više taj dečko. Ali apsolutno niti malo. Ali kad sam ga vidjela kako tamo sjedi, s NJOM, dobila sam takav flash – back na onaj dan kada me je ostavio i kako sam se odvratno osjećala još mjesecima poslije. Kako sam si smišljala u glavi što bi bilo da imam vremensku kapsulu i da mogu vratiti vrijeme. Kako bih se ponašala, možda mu bolje udovoljila ili ne znam ni sama što. Samo da našoj vezi mogu produljiti vijek trajanja. I krivila sam sebe, svoje navike, i sve svoje za taj prekid. Za to što si je on našao bolju i mlađu. I upala u agoniju. U začarani krug.
Stvar je u tome da u svojoj glavi znaš da ćeš sa vremenom biti bolje, i da će lijepa sjećanja polako izblijediti i da je svakom čovjeku drugi čovjek stvar navike. I znaš da si savršeno živio bez tog nekog do onog dana kad si ga upoznao i da isto tako savršeno možeš nastaviti živjeti sam sa sobom od onog dana kad te ostavio. Ali u tom trenu ti se čini da je vrijeme stalo, da si zarobljen u svojoj glavi i u svom srcu. Tražiš razloge, previše analiziraš, ali negdje duboko u sebi znaš da ništa od toga neće vratiti ni vrijeme ni vašu vezu. Da bar postoji jebena tipka za premotavanje naprijed. Speed up the time, please. Jebote.
- Konobar?
- Izvolite?
- Još jednu duplu.
08.02.2007. u 02:51 •
2 Komentara •
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Opis bloga
patetičan i jadan blog za moj Plačipička - alter ego :))
Kad hodas,
ne zastajkujes,
i zemlju
ne dodirujes,
a mene
ne primecujes,
i uporno se trudis
da me prodje pozuda.
Jos drhtim
od tvog pogleda,
iz nekih
starih razloga,
ne mogu da se sredim.
Linkovi
Blog.hr
Forum.hr
Monitor.hr
..If you're leaving will you take me with you
I'm tired of talking on my phone
There is one thing I can never give you
My heart can never be your home
So what's the matter with you?
Sing me something new... don't you know
The cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away...
out of control
I was out in the city
I was out in the rain
I was feeling down hearted
I was drinking again
I was standing by the bridges
Where the dark water flows
I was talking to a stranger
About times long ago
I was young
I was foolish
I was angry
I was vain
I was charming
I was lucky
Tell me how have I changed
Now I'm out
Oh out of control
Now I'm out
Oh out of control
Oh help me now
And the girls in the doorway
And the boys in the game
And the drunks and the homeless
They all know me
And the police on the corner
Give a nod and a wave
As they point me
To my final destination
I was young
I was foolish
I was angry
I was vain
I was charming
Feeling lucky
Tell me how have I changed
Now I'm out
Oh out of control
Now I'm out
Oh out of control
Oh help me now
In the hotel I'm excited
By the smile on her face
But I wondered
How was time
Gonna change her
I was young
I was foolish
I was angry
I was vain
I was charming
I was out there
Tell me how have I changed
Now I'm out
Oh out of control
Oh I'm out
Oh out of control
she's lost control
Confusion in her eyes that says it all.
She's lost control.
And she's clinging to the nearest passer by,
She's lost control.
And she gave away the secrets of her past,
And said I've lost control again,
And a voice that told her when and where to act,
She said I've lost control again.
And she turned around and took me by the hand and said,
I've lost control again.
And how I'll never know just why or understand,
She said I've lost control again.
And she screamed out kicking on her side and said,
I've lost control again.
And seized up on the floor, I thought she'd die.
She said I've lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.
Well I had to 'phone her friend to state my case,
And say she's lost control again.
And she showed up all the errors and mistakes,
And said I've lost control again.
But she expressed herself in many different ways,
Until she lost control again.
And walked upon the edge of no escape,
And laughed I've lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.
She's lost control again.
She's lost control.
