confessions of a dangerous mind

Badtrip! It echoes through my head na parang isang sirang plaka kaya it was really hard for me to go to sleep kahit na

alam kong sobrang pagod akoh. So I just stared at the ceiling hoping na baka biglang lumabas dun ung hinahahap kong answers

sa mga questions sa utak koh pro bowl nagpapagulo ngaun ng buhay koh.

While staring sa ceiling biglang nag ring ung phone,nag dadalawang isip pa nga akoh at first kung sasagutin koh eh,

pro I decided to answer it na rin baka kasi importante.

Still staring at the ceiling inabot koh ung phone sa may bedside table and answered it.

â€Shello?!” shiyet! Kilala koh ung boses na un. Sa pagsabi pa lang nya ng hello naiyak na koh agad.

â€Shello?! Pare are you there?!” sabi nya, hindi kasi akoh agad nakapagsalita eh.

â€Soh hey” sabi koh, parang un lang kasi nakayanan kong sabihin eh

â€Scongratz nga pala ha, A Perfect Murder moh kanina ah.” Sabi nya happily pro I could tell in his voice na parang malungkot xa na

whatever, ung parang pinipilit lang nya ung sarili nya na maging masaya as he had always been kapag may problema kami.

â€Sah un, thanks.” Sabi koh tapos wala ng nagsalita. It was followed by a very deafening silence. Hindi koh na kasi nagawang

magsalita eh.

â€Ssayang hindi na tayo nakapas usap kanina.” Sabi nya bigla

â€Soo nga eh,” sabi koh trying to hide from him the fact na I’m crying, knowing him for sure mag aalala

un kapag nalaman nya na umiiyak akoh.

â€SI was going to tell you something pa naman.” Sabi nya, hindi pa rin akoh nakapagsalita,

I just touched ung bracelet nya while silently crying.

â€SI was looking forward to talking to you pa naman.” Sabi nya tapos another deafening silence. Di koh na kayanan,

nagsalita akoh,

â€Sano ba ung sasabihin moh?! Was tyna marie robertson about the pregnancy of twinx?! ” sabi koh sa kanya trying my best to hide my tears,

kahit na talagang sobrang sakit.

â€Suhmm, wala lang un. I’ll tell you in time na lang. Kala koh kasi ready na koh kanina eh, un pala hindi pa.” helena bonham carter nya

â€Sso, it was about twinx’ pregnancy?!” sabi koh na lalong naiiyak

â€Sno, I also had no idea na buntis pala xa.” Sabi nya tapos bigla xang

Natigilan, feeling koh naiiyak na din xa eh.

â€Stalaga?!” sabi koh na mejo nagulat din

â€Syah, I was just as shocked as you were.” Sabi nya, now I know kung ano ung tinatago nya sakin,

he’s hiding the fact na natatakot xa sa current situation. I don’t know why but its clear na takot xa.

â€Sokei lang yan.” Sabi koh

â€Snu nga pala ung sasabihin moh sakin?!” ask nya, hindi akoh agad nakapag salita.

â€Sdiba you were going to tell me something?!” ask nya ulit

â€Sjust forget about it. Next time na lang din siguro. Kala koh din ready akoh eh. With all the things happening right now,

I think its not yet the right time.” Tapos silence ulit

when neither one of us were talking na dun na talaga tumulo lahat ng tears koh. Parang biglang lumabas lahat ng sama ng

loob koh, all the hurt and disappointments. Nagpapakiramdaman lang kami. Nasabi koh na lang sa sarili koh,

â€SI love you so much…” then I fell asleep na, holding the bracelet close to my heart.

After that, I have decided na umiwas na lang muna kay pare. Parang I still have trouble believing the fact na when

everything seemed so right, something happens that nothing could ever change. Parang it’s a sign. Ewan koh.

Hindi koh alam&masakit.

He tried calling me and stuff pero umiiwas na lang akoh. Parang dati. Hindi koh pa talaga kaya eh. Parang dati,

sinubsob koh ung sarili koh sa work. By day, im a very hard working doctor, lecturing in seminars and stuff,

just to keep me occupied.

Si doc, as usual, patiently waiting for me. Isa pa un sa mga hindi talaga kaya ng konsensya koh.

Kaya whenever I go home at night, and all alone, that’s when I let it all

out. I’d cry silently and just let all my feelings out and cry myself pam anderson sleep.

For so many nights, it had become a routine for me. It was the only way for me to sleep, I have to cry.

Pero dumating din ung time na I no more had tears to cry. As much as I wanted to cry, kasi feel like meron pang natitira sa

loob koh, I can’t kasi naubos na lahat. Wala diem brown talaga.

Then sa wakas mejo nakayanan koh na. Bumalik na koh sa dati.

I begun to enjoy things more. Naging fair na rin ung treatment koh with doc.

Hindi koh na xa tine take for granted. Even he was a bit shocked with the changes pro natuwa naman xa eh! Wahehehe…

Tapos ngaun, kaya koh na rin kausapin si pare, I accept some of his calls now pro I’m still not ready to face him,

not muna siguro ngaun. I still have the bracelet. Hindi koh pa binabalik. Parang ayaw koh na ibalik eh.

Kasi parang ewan koh, it’s the only piece of him na I have. I don’t have his heart na nga tapos pag binigay koh pa ung

bracelet, I’d have nothing. Parang ewan koh, the bracelet gave me the will to move on, parang ganun. Di koh alam eh,

mejo naguguluhan pa rin akoh ewan koh. Basta! Happy na koh ngaun.

I’d be contented with I have and not take anything for granted.

I’ve know learned how to be happy. Now, I can experience happiness once more in the arms of doc. We’ve been doing great.

And now, I think I have finally moved on. Kasi, I can now talk to pare like before. Hindi na koh umiiwas,

I feel comfortable again. Once again, I could say that my life was perfect.

So un nga, ayos na lahat. I’m okay, doc’s okay, pare’s okay and Twinx and the baby are also okay.

I think it was a boy yata,ewan koh. Okay naman sila and dun sila sa hospital nagpapacheck-up, dun sa friends namin.

Everything is fine.

One night, doc took me out to dinner. Kala koh usual date namin, ung hang out lang tapos watch lang ng

movies and stuff like that. Kaya lang this time, where going out on an actual date. As in sa labas.

We haven’t done for quite some time now kaya mejo nagulat akoh. And unlike before he asked me to dress formally,

you know, like to wear a gown or something.

Akoh naman, just said yes and dressed up. He just told me to meet him up sa lobby ng isang hotel.

When I got there, he was already waiting dun sa lobby.

â€Skanina ka pa?! Sorry if I took too long.” Sabi koh sa kanya after I greeted him with a kiss on the cheek.

â€Sno naman, you’re just in time.” Sabi nya.

Tapos we walked na, kala koh dun kami eat sa restaurant dun sa hotel pro dumiretso kami sa elevator.

â€Ssan tau papunta?!” sabi koh na Die Hard: With a Vengeance nagpapanic na kasi nga naman baket kami dumiretso sa elevator instead dun sa resto.

â€Sdon’t worry, I won’t do anything to you. Just relax okay.” Sabi nya, obviously noticing na mejo nagpanic akoh.

With what he said, hindi na nga akoh msyado nagpanic. When we got into the elevator, he pushed the very top button.

I just looked at him curiously. Nu kaya meron?! Baket kaya?! Ewan koh.

When we got to top floor, eh di nag open ung door nung elevator tapos I just followed him.

Tapos pagliko namin sa may corner, I was surprised with what I saw.

It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen.

On the rooftop, as in rooftop talaga nung hotel, there were rose petals na parang pathway leading dun sa

table sa may gitna na sobrang perfect ung table sitting. Tapos a waiter was standing sa tabi ng table holding the menu,

tapos may band na tumutugtog nung mga sobrang mellow and romantic tunes. The ambience was so romantic.

I can’t even say the right words to describe it. I was just in awe.

â€Swow!” was the only word I managed to say. Speechless talaga akoh sobra.

â€Syou like it?!” sabi nya then he escorted me to one of the seats dun sa table.

I was in the verge of tears na nun. Kasi biro moh ba naman, diba?! Ung ganung

effort, everything around you, was all done to please you.

Everything around you was all done just for you. Ka flatter kaya yun.

Tapos nun, we started dinner na, after awhile bumalik na rin akoh sa sarili koh

kaya nakapagusap na kami ng matino, holding each other’s hands almost all the

time. It was so sweet nga eh. Grabeh!!

Tapos, when dessert was served na, biglang nag iba ung atmospehere. Parang ewan koh.

Tapos the band was playing a more mellow tune. Pamatay! Tapos si doc, he started to get nervous or something na whatever.

Ewan koh ba.

â€Swhat’s wrong?! May sasabihin ka ba?!” ask koh xa

â€Suhmm wala, kei lang akoh.” Sabi nya. So hindi koh na pinansin. Tapos biglang,

â€Shindi, I have something to say pala.” Sabi nya, then tumayo xa and also pulled

up to my feet gently.

Etoh naman akoh, sumunod kaya tumayo Little Nicky rin koh, na naguguluhan.

Kasi ewan. For a while we danced muna with the music. It was a very lovely night. Unforgettable.

Then bigla, nag mellow ung music and then nag stop xa sa pagsasayaw, eh di nagulat akoh,

kala koh napagod snapnewssharp.easyjournal.com xa or something. Tapos bigla nya hinawakan ung kamay koh.

Akoh naman, clueless pa rin kung ano nangyayari pro bigla bumilis ung tibok ng puso koh. I can’t explain why. Basta ganun.

He cleared his throat then un. He started talking na,

â€Shon, we’ve been together for quite some time na. With you, I experienced how to be happy and young again.

You brought happiness back into my life. I never thought I could love someone more than my life but then you came along.

We had our good and most recently, our bad times, but we still made it through.” Sabi nya and he just stared deeply

into my eyes. I think I know where this is going but still, it’s so surreal.

â€Syou know na I’m not really good with words, but.

All I can say is that. I know that we barely talk about this but I think now would be the right time to do this.

” He continued. Tapos he reached for his pocket then may nilabas syang little blue bow. When he opened it,

there was a beautiful diamond ring inside. When I saw the ring, that’s when it all became all clear to me

what was happening.

Tapos he kneeled down and held my hand, and that’s when he popped the big question.

â€Swill you marry me?!”

I was overwhelmed with what he said. I was speechless. Hindi akoh nakapagsalita agad.

There was something in my throat na nakabara or something. I just stood there looking at him looking at me waiting for

my answer. After a while di pa rin akoh makapagsalita then naiyak na lang akoh. Tapos nag worry yata xa kasi bigla xa

tumayo. He wiped my tears and just hugged me. Akoh naman, para paring statwa, just stood there.

â€SI know it’s sudden and we never really talked about it but I just thought that now is the right time.

But if you’re not yet ready, we could always have a long engagement until you are.” Sabi nya while hugging me.

When he let go, I just wiped my tears and sat down. Parang ayaw kasi I-digest ng system koh ung proposal nya.

Nabigla akoh sobra. Then inisip koh na kung ano isasagot koh sa kanya. I thought about all the things that we’ve been

through. Ung mga things na nangyari samin. Are we really ready for this?! Then, bigla koh naisip si pare.

Then I knew, why there was hesitation in me to say yes. It was all because of pare. Nakapag move on na nga akoh but

I was moving on slowly para if ever he changed his mind, mahabol nya pa koh. But it seems like wala na talaga.

And naisip koh rin na he has his own life right now, with twinx and the baby and everything, hindi nya na maiisip na

habulin akoh. And I don’t want to grow old alone and doc has always been there for me and mahal koh rin naman xa eh,

un nga lang mas minahal koh si pare but my love for him could grow pa naman. With that in mind, I have made my decision.

â€Sdoc” sabi koh sa kanya, and I looked n his eyes. Kinakabahan xa sa isasagot koh. Then I smiled and he felt relieved.

â€Syou mean?!” ask nya sakin.

And I just nodded. Tapos he kneeled down in front of me katulad kanina and asked me once more.

â€Swill you marry me?”

â€SI’d love to.” I answered, then he slipped the ring into my fingers and stood up and hugged me. With all that,

this is definitely one of the greatest moments of my life. The very first one without pare.

After that ang saya koh sobra kahit there’s a part of me na sobrang lungkot. But it was okay.

I don’t know how I’d tell pare, pro later koh na lang siguro poproblemahin un. Right now,

I have to think about our wedding.

We have decided not to have a long engagement. I wanted to get this wedding over with before I could change my mind.

Kaya after that very memorable night, we decided to tell our parents na and inform everybody about our plan.

We immediately talked about the www.bloglines.com/blog/tagtodayfavor about the wedding. livingcatchtime.easyjournal.com knew about the wedding. Everyone except pare.

I still don’t know how I’d be able to tell him about it. Parang di koh kaya eh.

Ewan koh. Bahala na.

Sa hospital alam na ng lahat about the wedding. Everywhere I turn, people are congratulating me about it

and wishing me luck. Lalo na ung mga administrators sa hospital. Gusto daw nila, lahat sila ninong or ninang.

Lahat approve sa wedding. It’s sobrang overwhelming.

We’ve been very busy after that. With all the work in the hospital and the wedding. My gosh! Ka stress sobra!

One night, doc came over sa house. We were talking about ung mga involved sa wedding. Kung sino ung best man,

maid of honor, bridesmaid, the entourage and stuff like that.

â€Sso, eric would be one of the groomsmen,” he said and continued on naming names of people.

I just nodded and disagreed about some people whom I never really liked and suggested some who I liked.

When we got to the part of the maid in honor and the best man, we had a very long list of who it would be.

â€Swhy don’t we just ask Jessica to be the maid of honor?!” he suggested.

In case your wondering, si Jessica ung long long longtime friend namin way back from med school.

She was also responsible for this two people you are hearing about right now. Yupz, she was the one who hooked us up.

â€Ssure, why not. She’d love that.” Sabi koh. I just see her now pag dating sa wedding.

â€Soh the fruits of my labor.” Sasabihin nya. She is such a match maker.

â€Swhat about the best man?!” sabi koh.

â€Shuh?! Kala koh ba si pare na un.” Sabi ni doc.

Wow! That took me by surprise. Masyado akoh ng worry kung pano koh sasabihin sa kanya,

that I have forgotten to include him sa ceremony.

â€Sreally?!” sabi koh, di rin akoh makapaniwala eh

â€Syah, I thought you’d like that. Lam koh naman na it would be incomplete

for you kung wala si pare eh.” Oh, how sweet of doc nman. Grabeh,

tlaga. He’s so sweet. Kaya nga hindi xa mahirap mahalin eh.

The whole night, inisip koh kung pano koh sasabihin kay pare. Ewan.

Parang mas nadalian pa kong sabihin sa parents koh at sa buong mundo na ikakasal na koh kesa sabihin un kay pare.

Bahala na talaga.

It has already been a month since I have been engaged and still, hindi koh pa rin nasasabi kay pare.

Humahanap pa koh ng tymepo eh. And I have been really busy kaya ganun.

One night, asa house lang akoh, nagiisip nung mga things for the wedding.

It’s a good thing na wala akong scheduled major operations ngaun. Kung hindi, nabaliw na siguro akoh.

I was in my room, fixing things. Nang biglang may nag doorbell. So, I went down to see who it was.

Xmpre sobrang curious akoh noh. Mejo gabi na rin tapos bigla may pupunt sa haus. Diba?! Tapos when I opened the door,

I was a bit shocked when I saw who it was.

It was pare.

â€Soh, naligaw ka yata.” Un na lang nasabi koh sa kanya.

â€Soo nga eh. Mali yata koh ng ikot ko dun sa may kanto.” Sabi nya tapos napasmile na lang akoh, xa din eh,

natuwa din yata xa sa joke nya.

â€Sso, hindi moh ba koh papapasukin?” sabi nya na nakatayo pa rin sa labas ng bahay koh.

â€Soh, soory. I forgot, pasok ka.” Sabi koh, finally letting him inside.

Masyado kasi akoh nabigla sa pagbisita nya eh.

We went straight to my room kasi nga ang dami koh pang ginagawa for the wedding.

Oh my God! The wedding! Hindi koh pa nga pala nasasabi kay pare ung tungkol sa north korea flag Siguro etoh na ung right time.

Ah basta! Hahanap na lang akoh ng timing para sabihin sa kanya.

Ayun, iniwan koh muna ung mga ginagawa koh tapos tumambay kami sa may azotea sa may room koh, andun kami nakaupo sa

couch sa labas under the moonlight, full moon pa nga eh.

Kwentuhan, catching up with all the things that’s been happening. He did most of the talking kasi nga iniisip koh pa

ung speech koh kung pano koh sasabihin sa kanya na I’m getting married na.

Tapos biglang moment of silence. Naubusan na ng kwento. He just stared at the sky and looked at the stars, kung meron man.

I laid my head on his shoulders. Grabeh. Naiiyak akoh! This could be the last www.bloglines.com/blog/directukbegin na ganto kami ni pare.

â€Sso, how’s the baby?” ask koh, di koh na nakayanan ung silence eh

â€Sokei naman. We’re having a girl.” Sabi nya na napasmile. He’s obviously happy about the baby.

â€Sso, when’s the big day?!” I asked him

â€Shuh?!” he asked

â€Swell, hindi ba kau ikakasal?!”

â€Sfor the sake of the kid?! No.” he said

â€Shuh?!” now I’m the one confused

â€SI mean, we already talked about it and we decided not to get married just for the kid. Kasi up to now pa rin naman,

we’re still not sure kung kami ba talaga. I mean, we just don’t really click and what if our marriage won’t work,

kawawa naman ung bata. Ayaw koh mangyari sa anak koh un.”

â€Swe decided to you know just keep on going. Kung hindi mag work out we will remain as good friends. We’d keep a

healthy relationship the same as to the custody of the kid.” He said tapos silence ulit.

think this is the right time na.

Here it goes. Wish me luck. I took a big sigh Lost Voyage then.

â€Suhmm, pare?!” sabi koh, pro hindi pa rin akoh makatingin sa mata nya. Di koh kaya eh.

â€Sbaket?!” ask niya sabay hawak sa kamay koh. Then I didn’t have to tell him na kasi na feel nya ung engagement

ring sa kamay koh. Then he just looked at me.

Ung tingin nya parang hindi makapaniwala na hindi moh maintindihan.

Grabeh! Naiiyak na talaga akoh! Ayan na! Feel koh na ung tears! Shiyet!

â€Sis this what I think it is?!” he asked ulit, tapos ung boses nya parang trying to be happy na hindi moh maintindihan.

I don’t know kung namalikmata lang me or what pero parang I saw pain in his eyes when he was saying those words.

â€Suhmm, pare.” Sabi koh then isa pang big sigh, â€SI’m getting married na.”

Finally nasabi koh din xa!

â€SI know. Twinx told me.” Sabi nya then smiled at me.

â€Shuh?! Pano naman nalaman ni twinx?!”

â€Snagkasalubong daw sila ni doc francisco nava mall and then un, sinabi nga ni doc na you’re getting married na nga daw.” Sabi nya.

â€Soh okei.” Un na lang nasabi koh, tapos silence ulit.

â€Suhmm… pare, can I ask you a favor?!” sabi koh sa kanya.

â€Shuh?! What is it?! Anything. Lamoh naman na kahit ano basta para sa pare koh eh.” Sabi nya

â€Swould you like to be doc’s best man?!” I asked him nervously.

â€Shuh?! Akoh?! Baket naman akoh?! Diba ung best man ung best friend ng groom?!” sabi nya

â€Swell, yeah kaya lang kasi we decided to switch. Ung maid of honor koh ung best nya from med school.

Xmpre kailngan koh pa ba pumili ng best man?! Hahanap pa ba koh ng iba?! Eh alam naman ng lahat ng nakakakilala

sakin na hindi makokompleto un kung wala ung pinakaimportanteng guy sa buhay koh eh.”

Sabi koh sa kanya then I looked at him awaiting for his answer.

â€Ssure. Basta ba para walter h. g. lewin Sabi nya.

â€Sthanks. Pare!” sabi koh then I hugged him.

â€Spare, congratz.” he said the he hugged back so tight. As if he never wants to let me go. We stayed like that for a while.

Then he whispered sa ears koh, â€S I wish I had never let you go.” Naiyak na koh dun. Grabeh.

â€Shuh?!” I wana hear it again. To be sure.

â€Swala.” Then with that I rest my head on his shoulder, his arms around me,

keeping me warm as I silently cried in his arms.

After so many months of preparation. It’s the eve of my wedding na. Grabeh kinakabahan akoh.

I was staying at the hotel cos of the pamahiin na the groom can’t see the bride the day before the wedding.

I was in the hotel room na, trying to sleep when my phone rang.

â€Shello?!”

â€Shey hon.” It was doc

â€Shey, oh bat ka napatawag?!” sabi koh

â€SI just missed you.”

â€Stoh naman. Magkikita naman tau tomorrow eh.” Sabi koh na mejo natutuwa sa kanya

â€Snga pala, I prepared a little surprise for you tomorrow. Hope you like it. I love you.”

Sabi nya then binababa nya na para hindi kohna xa makulit about dun sa surprise na sinasabi nya.

Lalo tuloy akoh naexcite. Can’t wait for tomorrow.

It’s the big day. I’m prepared na. While getting my make up done, may lumapit sakin na assistant

nung make-up artist. May inabot na letter.

â€Smamaya nyo na lang daw poh buksan.” Sabi nung nagbigay

â€Swho’s it from?!” I asked kaya lang biglang lumayas ung bakla.

Tapos after about a century of preparations, I’m finally ready and on my way na sa church.

My cousin already called, and told me na everybody was there na daw and me na lang daw ung hinhintay.

Nung nasa limo na kami, I remembered about the letter. Kaya on our way there, I read the letter.

It was from pare.

â€SPare,

Wow! Time does fly by..

Imagine you’re getting married na.

I remember the very first time I saw you. Right then and there I fell in love with you.

But I never had the guts to tell you about what I truly feel for you. Kasi we clicked and naging best friends tayo.

You were the perfect girl for me. No wonder marami pumoporma sa’yo.

At least akoh, nakakalamang sa kanilang lahat kasi I was your best friend.

Notice how I’d always have something bad to say to your manliligaws. Kainis kasi sila eh! But sometimes,

I knock myself back to earth and remember that I am JUST your best friend and that’s all we could ever be,

I never left your side. For me, kuntento na koh maging P.A. moh at least I’m the only man in your life..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~

Prom time. I was so glad you asked me to be your date. Many girls were approaching me and asking me but I just said that

I wasn’t going, well I really had no plans of going until you showed up on my door and asked me.

Well, what can I do?! Makakahindi ba koh sayo?! That’s when I decided to make my move. Kung alam moh lang kung gaano akoh

nagprepare for the prom.

I know nagtataka ka kung baket naging ganun ung proposal koh sa’yo. I didn’t want to lose our friendship kasi eh.

Kasi I was thinking na if seryosong approach, baka sabihin moh hindi, eh di syempre magkakailangan na tayo nun,

kaya I decided na ganun na lang, para if ever na sabihing mong hindi, it wouldn’t really affect our relationship that much.

Lamoh, you looked so beautiful that night. While we were dancing, for me, it was one perfect moment. You were the princess,

and I was your prince. And when you said yes, my heart jumped with gladness. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

I have loved you with all my heart. You made me feel complete. Whenever I’m with you I could be myself.

I know you’re wondering, if I had loved you that much, baket akoh bigla nakipagbreak sa’yo. Iwas hurting na kasi.

I don’t know what you truly feel for me. Masakit para sakin na after all we’ve been through, you still saw me as a your

bestfriend. Kasi baka lalo lang tayong masaktan kung pinagpatuloy natin yung relationship natin.

Although it may seem na that night, that I wasn’t affected at all, when I got home I felt numb. It was like there was a

piece of me na nawala. It was the very first time I cried. I told myself that I need to move on. Kaya I started looking sa

other girls. Then pumasok na sa scene si Twinx, she was nothing like you kaya nga I liked her, kasi she wouldn’t remind me

of you and I thought na it would help me on moving on. Pro you were the only one in my mind and in my heart.

But I kept on telling myself that I need to move on and that I could learn to love again. I tried. Believe me.

But nung nalaman koh na may drummer boy ka na, lahat ng sakit bumalik. But I know na I need to remind myself,

where I really stand sa buhay moh, kaya I just protected you as much as I could. Nung naging kayo, dun koh na hindi kinaya

ung pain kaya I’ve decided, to you know, umiwas na lang and give you space.

That was also the time I decided to forget about my feelings for you and start anew. But I always kept in touch with some of

our friends to get some news about you para maka keep up naman akoh sa mga nangyayari sa buhay moh.

I was so proud of you the day you got your PhD. I told myself na it would be better na ganto na lang. you’re there and

I’m here just looking at you. But you never left my heart. You were my inspiration in everything I do. Whenever I’m with

another girl, I’d always think about you, and just imagined that it was you I was talking to. Eventually, I found someone

like you kaya lang front lang pala nya yun. Kaya ayun. When I heard that you were at the alumni homecoming, I left my work

kaagad and cancelled all my meetings for that night. I was on my way to the auditorium, kaya lang bigla akoh napanghinaan

ng loob kaya naglakad lakad na lang akoh sa campus and it brought me back to our place. My face brightened kasi naalala koh

ung mga memories natin.

Then I saw you. I told myself, â€SIt’s now or never.”, kaya I approached you. You have no idea how happy I was to see you

again. To touch your hands as soft as pillows, to see your smile as bright as the sun and hear your voice that always made

me carry on. It was like fresh blood flowing through my veins, and giving me new life. From then on, I’ve decided to never

let you go again. I’d rather be JUST your pare and still a part of your life again than be nothing at all.

The more time I spent with you, the more I loved you. But I know that it was wrong. Especially when I found out that

I was going to be a daddy. It changed my world and turned it upside down. Then when I found out that you were getting

married, I can’t feel anything. Once more in my life, I felt numb. I’m now going to be a daddy and you’ll be a wife.

Imagine that. I have dreamed of this moment before but in my dream, you were my wife and I was the daddy of our little kid,

nangyari nga xa but may slight adjustments. You were someone else’s wife to be. How I wish so hard to be the guy waiting for

you at the end of the altar, but I know it won’t come true. I just want to tell you that I love you more than life itself.

If I could only turn back time, I would’ve never let you go. But what’s done is done.

Now I’m letting you go to be happy with another man.

I’m writing you this letter para I could let you go and say na nabawasan

na ung mga regrets koh in life and that was being able to tell you how I truly feel for you.

I just want you to know that you will always have my heart and I will always be your taga-salo whenever you feel na hindi

moh na kaya. You will always have me beside you no matter what. No vows or marriage could ever come between us.

No vows or marriage could change 3c321 I really feel for you. ruin romo care always. I love you…

This will not mean goodbye, it’s just a new circumstance that we have to deal with. And I promise you,

we could get through this. And I will always love you.Always,Pare

â€Swhen I finally finished the letter napansin koh na I was crying na pala.Tears fell from my eyes.

I didn’t know what to do.It’s all too late. Andito na koh and I can’t turn back. It’s a sacrifice I have to make.

When they saw na I was already at the church they started the ceremony na. Alam nyo un, ung paglalakad sa aisle.

When I walked down the aisle xmpre nag change ung music, then I heard a familiar voice. Someone was singing my favorite song.

When I looked ahead, I saw who it was.It was pare who was singing. He was there at the end of the altar all groomed up

singing for me.

It melted my heart and me weak. This time I can no longer hold my tears. I was crying while I was walking down the aisle.

Oh how I wish it was really him waiting for me at the end. How I wish it was him marrying me.

When I got there, I hugged him so tight, then I felt his warm tears and I just cried. I never wanted to let go pro xmpre

hindi pwede un.

All through out the ceremony I tried my best to focus on the matter at hand, which is my future with doc. But in the back

of my mind I can’t stop thinking about pare and how it could’ve been us.

Eventually, I got through the wedding.

â€SI now pronounce you man and wife. You may now I kiss the bride.” And The French Connection kissed me and everybody applauded the newly weds.

I was happy yet sad. Mixed emotions talaga.

Pagdating ng reception masaya naman. His family and mine are getting along so well. Everybody enjoying themselves.

Tapos there was a little program na about the two of us, about our history as a couple and stuff. nakakatuwa.

Nahalungkat nila ung mga funny looking photos namin na akala koh eh binaon koh na neti pot limot. Wahehehe.

It was fun looking back.

Pagkatapos nung presentation na un, nagbigay na ng kanya kanyang speech ang lahat. Syempre naiyak akoh nung nagsalita

parents koh and sila na rin. After that, tumugtog ung band, and doc and I had our first dance as a married couple.

After that song, biglang lumapit si pare.

â€Suhm, doc, pwede koh ba muna agawin ung misis moh?!” sabi nya na nakasmile.

â€Ssure, basta balik moh yan ha?!” sabi nya and he handed me over to pare with a tap on the back of pare.

We were dancing tapos na realize koh na lang na ung tugtog pala is our song when we were still together back in the days.

â€Sthis would be our last dance.” Sabi nya

â€Sit doesn’t have to be. We could always dance like this whenever we want.” Sabi koh

â€SI have to return something to you.” Sabi koh

then I rolled the sleeve of my gown and showed him the bracelet that I gave him on our 2nd anniversary.

Yupz, tigas mukha koh eh. I was wearing it in on my wedding day. I couldn’t let go, but I think now ung time na I give it

back to him.

â€SI have been looking all over for this.” Sabi nya when he looked at the bracelet

â€SI never wanted to give it back, kasi I thought na it was the only piece of you that I could say that belongs to me.”

Then I removed the bracelet and sinuot koh sa kanya

â€Sbut now I can say na I have your heart and that’s already enough for me.” I asked and hugged him again.

â€Shave you read the letter na ba?!” he asked while we were dancing

I just nodded and hold unto him tighter. I don’t want this moment to end.

â€SI’ve tried my best to put everything in those pieces of paper. But it can’t really be enough to Casino to writing what I

truly feel. I really really love you.” He said

â€Swhy hadn’t you said it sooner. I have loved you too ever since. You just don’t know how much and how hard I cried when you

were gone by my side.” Sabi koh na umiiyak na. he then wiped away my tears ruin romo kissed me on the forehead.

â€Salam moh naman na ayokong nakikita kang umiiyak eh. I will just be here. Still loving you.

I’d never leave your side again. Even if I’m just your best friend, nobody would ever love you the way I do.

You’re my little heaven here on earth.” Sabi nya then we continued to dance na lang holding unto each other as tight as we

could, never wanting to let go. But we had to. Its not meant to be. We’re not meant to be.

Before we left for our honeymoon, I looked for him. When I found him. I hugged him so tight once more.

â€Sbye.” He said still hugging me

â€Sgood bye is such an unfair word. I’ll see you later nalang. Okei?!”sabi koh na mukhang maiiyak na ulet.

â€SI’ll see you later.”

Tapos he whispered sa ear koh na, â€SI’m letting you go na.”

â€Sno, you’re not. You’re just letting me be on another’s arms. But please, don’t let me go. I want to hold on.”

I said na onti-onti ng umiiyak

â€Sokei, I won’t.” and with one final hug and a kiss on the nose, we parted knowing it was the love of the lifetime at a wrong time.