magickal me
06.11.2006., ponedjeljak
My shrink is lying to me
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Psycho My roommates are snakes and lizzards I hear the voices every night The bugs crawl all over my bed I`m avoiding their poisonous bite The boogy-man is in my closet The clown hangs from my wall I see red eyes under the table And Mr. Killer in the hall The warewolf roars under my window The ugly witch flies on her broom All the lights suddenly turn off As a black cat walks into my room The ghost cries on my pillow Freddy chases me in my dreams Vampires jump all over my roof I hear children`s painful screams Every night the same story Same creatures so obscene Only I can see them In my head it`s always Halloween  |
06.10.2006., petak
Klaunovi su zli
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Mnogi ljudi smatraju klaunove strašnima, zlima i apsolutno morbidnima. Moja teorija je, da bas poput Masona, i klaunovi imaju svoje super tajno društvo. Klaunovi su nastali u srednjem vijeku u Engleskoj kao staro keltsko pleme. Nazivali su se „Klauns“, a neprijatelje su plašili bojeći lice u bijelo, noseve i kosu u crveno i noseći prevelike cipele. Oko 1230, nakon sastanka s papom Grgurom IX, pleme se prozvalo „Clowns“ i odlučilo je promjeniti imidž iz krvoločnih ubojica u smiješne i bezopasne čovječuljke. „Mimi“ su bili članovi jedinog plemena koje nije poslušalo papin savijet. Vjeruje se da su i danas na snazi. 1981, skupina klaunova sa crtežom vraga na kostimima, hvatala je dječicu i pokušala ih ubiti. Prijave su stizale iz gradova diljem Amerike, no policija im nikad nije uspjela ući u trag. Par godina kasnije, zvijezda cirkusa-bezimeni klaun, ulovljen je kako sodomizira petnaestogodišnjeg dječaka. J.W. Gacy bio je serijski ubojica koji je za vrijeme svojih pohoda po Americi silovao i ubio 33 ljudi a njih 27 zakopao je ispod parketa u svojoj kući. Nadimak tog monstruma bio je "klaun Pogo" iz razloga što se bavio zabavljanjem dječice na rođendanima odjeven kao klaun. U svakom slučaju, nemojte biti naivni i misliti da su klaunovi veseli i bezopasni zabavljači…Kad vidite klauna uvijek budite na oprezu jer nikad ne znate kad može napasti…Klaunovi su iznimno zli i opasni i možda te baš sad vrebaju i gledaju kroz prozor….beware…  |
03.10.2006., utorak
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All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken, The crownless again shall be king. by:JRR Tolkien  |
27.09.2006., srijeda
memories
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I`m back again and I`m full of power....This poem is something I`ve written months ago and I`ve posted it here just to remind me how patheticly weak I was... Prijateljici koja je drastično promjenila moj život.... izdaja U smiraj dana uzeše mi Bogovi moju dragu uzeše je tiho polako, bez buke uzeše oni dušu njenu čistu, neiskvarenu i zauvijek je dadoše Vragu... od nje mi ostaše samo miris i slike i pjesme koje pisasmo o danu i noći a sad vrijeme prolazi i godine lete i čini mi se da ću i ja za njom morati poći... zapalit ću noćas sve uspomene stare skočit ću za njom u grotlo Pakla zaboravit ću izdaju izvadit ću nož iz svojih leđa i darovat joj ponovno svoje srce od stakla...  |
30.07.2006., nedjelja
life is unpredictable
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Jutros sam sjedila na terasi i promatrala plamen svijeće kako treperi pomnican vjetrom. Baš poput tog plamena je i život. Nikad ne znaš kad će vjetar puhnuti prejako i kad će se ugasiti. Život je nepredvidljiv i dovede te na mjesta i u situacije o kojima nisi ni sanjao. Jučer mi je baka umrla. Primjetila sam da našu obitelj samo smrt može okupiti. Dvoličnost je mana koja me kod moje familije najviše frustrira. Baku nikad nisam voljela jer je bila zla žena, no s mora sam se vratila kako bih je pokopala iz vlastite želje i poštovanja, ne iz pristojnosti i koristoljublja. Život treba cijeniti i svaki dan ga živjeti kao da je posljednji Remember youth as you pass by, As you was once, so once was I, As I am now, you soon will be, Prepare to die and follow me. ~Epitaph on a warlock grave  |
20.06.2006., utorak
resurrection
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Evo mene natrag nakon toliko vremena...Zbog kraja školske godine i putovanja u Rim nisam uspjela naći vremena za blog, ali do mora ću biti aktivna, I promise...Anyway, sad je skola gotova i osjećam se puno bolje i opuštenije, if u know what I mean. Za sat vremena imam ekupu na ručku, pa moram ići završit jebenu šalšu. C ya tomorrow uživajte u jednom od mojih najdražih citata The darkness that surrounds us cannot hurt us. It is the darkness in your own heart you should fear." -Silvetris  |
25.05.2006., četvrtak
Die in pain
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As i move closer and closer to my idilic vacations, I feel like they press me and defy me even more than they used to. My parents, my teachers, my two faced friends and my neighbours can all suck my cock....They may try to fuck me over but I will rather be brave and die than give up and live... "Another day nearer the battle, So drink up my lads and look brave, 'Cos every day nearer the battle Is another day nearer the grave." ~A warriors' song of the Imperial Guard  |
22.05.2006., ponedjeljak
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Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in. Lester Burnham Jako volim ovaj film zbog njegove realnosti i životnosti.... Jedan od rijetkih filmova za koji mogu reći da je jednostavno prekrasan... To je jedan od onih filmova koji ima dublju poantu od "Quit smoking" i koji čovjeka stvarno može potaknuti na razmišljanje. Život je onakav kakvog smo si mi stvorili i organizirali i za svoje neuspjehe ne smijemo kriviti cijeli svijet. Jako malo nam je potrebno za istinsku sreću i moramo samo pronaći tu sitnicu. Nadam se da ću i ja uskoro pronaći svoju sreću i da ću otkiti koja mi to sitnica nedostaje... Život je jebena tragikomedija....       |
14.05.2006., nedjelja
I feel like shit
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Vikend je skoro gotov pa me pere depra...Zbog jebene dijete sam totalno nadrkana...Fakat mi se puši ali sam prelijena da se ustanem iz kreveta...Jučer sam se napila kao deva i još uvijek osjećam posljedice....Sve u svemu, u kurcu sam.... Ali za post o jednoj od mojih najvećih opsesija uvijek mogu smoći snagu i volju...I`m talking about Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter fanfiction, of course...Ekipa piše priče, pa čak i knjige o ljubavnoj vezi između ta dva glavna lika iz Harry Potter knjiga i objavljuje ih na internetu...Iznenadili biste se kako su neke priče kvalitetno napisane i kako bi čak mogle dirnuti i najveće homofobe....Ne znam zašto toliko volim te priče…Možda zato jer obožavam sanjariti i zamišljati neke druge svjetove i neka druga vremena…Možda zato što su u te priče uspiješno ubačeni elementi magije i nadnaravnog koji me privlače još od malih nogu…A možda ih volim jednostavno zato što su mi pederi jebeno sexy…U svakom slučaju, dajem vam link izvrsnog sitea s hrpom fanfictiona i nadam se da ćete uživati…Za one kojima se neda napraviti klik mišem, ostavljam vam jednu od meni najdražih kratkih priča….To su zapravo dva tužna pisma...Prvo piše Draco Harryju, a drugo piše Hary Dracu!Autorica je genijalna umjetnica Aja…         http://notquiteroyal.net/topgallant/hp.html My Harry Potter You fucking bastard, How dare you. How dare you make me crave you without my permission. Who the fuck were you to think you could come into my life and rip me apart and remake me the way you did and then leave? Fuck you and the war you rode in on. You were just there--just there, right place, wrong time, and the attack came, and your destiny and mine were remade in one flash of light. You told me about it. You told me it was green in your dreams but you never told me, you little shit, how much it hurt--how much it hurt to lose your parents. You never told me what emptiness was behind those nightmares, and you never told me how lucky I was to be the one to make the nightmares cease. And now, now when it's too late, do I finally learn how much you loved me--how much trust it took to stretch that emptiness open so someone else could come in. Because I know now--I'll never let anyone in again. I only want you, you fuck, and you're gone and I'll never be able to crawl into your arms and thank you for bringing your emptiness to me and letting me fill it; and I'll never be able to beat you into a bloody pulp for not taking me with you. Why the hell didn't they strike here first? Why the hell didn't you stay out instead of going back inside to help? Why the hell can't I crawl in bed every night with your ghost, if you're going to haunt me this way? You fucking bastard, Harry Potter--you goddamned perfect miserable heroic dead angelic bastard. Why aren't you here? Why have you cursed me with the guilt of living a life that was never worth anything to anyone but you anyway? Did you think a year would make any difference? Did you think we'd all just forget--go on with our lives?--did you think I'd find somebody else to warm your pillow or wrap my arms around each morning? Did you think I'd've forgiven myself yet for not being with you when it happened so I could have kept you safe--or at the very least, dragged you down to hell with me when the saints came to separate us and take you to heaven where you belonged? Did you think I'd've forgiven you for leaving? Not a chance. I won't forgive you--forgiveness means eventually I might accept, and acceptance means I might move on, and moving on means one day I might forget--and I would go to hell cursing your name so loudly you would hear it every night in your heavenly dreams, Potter, before I will ever forget how much you loved me. How much it hurts, this unfulfilled need for you. How much it will always hurt, every second I am alive and breathing without you. Every second, Potter. Every goddamned second. Mine. Mine, mine, mine, You think that I'm not with you but you're wrong. I'm right here beside you, every second. You think I could rest while you were crying? I float, I sift, in places only your love could send me, and I drink you in--the tired defeat in your eyes, the lackluster way you comb your hair--you don't care anymore how you look, I know--but it's really, really okay; in the way you shrug on your clothes every morning as if the pockets were filled with stones. I absorb you, and I love you, from sunup til sundown, and I caress you every moment and try over and over again to take you in my arms. I know you hate me. I know you want to curl up and collapse under your hurt and your hate--and I know the only reason you don't is the fact that people are depending on you to carry out my destiny--my unclaimed destiny, unclaimed just as you went unclaimed--incomplete, just as I am--and you are without me. So I curl my arms around you every night hoping the morning will discover a dent in my pillow--but there's nothing, and I know how empty the bed must feel, and how much you ache. How much I ache for you, my sterling rose. But I am here--they could not make me cross the bar without you. Never without you. I will stay and look on your face, though you grow brittle and hard, and crack under your pain; and I will love, and love, and love you, til, if only you choose to see it, my love will burgeon everywhere around and inside you; and I will never leave you: I will be the cool wind on your cheek, the rustle of leaves under your feet, the shy young man watching you from lowered eyes across the room, despite your best efforts not to notice his interest, the whisper of rain that kisses your lashes, the glow at the end of your wand as you murmur the killing curse against my enemies, the swish of air under your broomstick as you finally start to fly again, though only to honour me. Oh, mine, mine, mine, you honour me with every second of your life. Every second. And for as long as you breathe, I will be your oxygen; and when you are finished breathing, I will be the kiss that closes your eyes, just as it was your kiss which first opened mine, all those moments ago. All those moments that will keep me with you, and you with me. Every second. |
11.05.2006., četvrtak
Angelina Jolie
Nemam bash previše vremena za dug post zbog jebene škole, pa ću biti kratka....Imam samo dvije riječi za vas.... Angelina Jolie...         |
07.05.2006., nedjelja
Constantine
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Hell wants him. Heaven won't take him. Earth needs him. Ako actually ima netko tko nije pogledao ovaj genijalan film, preporucam vam da sto prije odete do vase videoteke! Film Constantine je ekranizacija uspjesnog stripa Hellblazer. To je prica o nadarenom detektivu Johnu Constantinu (Keanu Reeves) koji posjeduje nadnaravne moci i koji je doslovce bio u Paklu i natrag...Jucer sam po 100 put gledala taj film i ponovno me odusevio. Ne slazem se s filmskim kriticarima da je Keanu totalni promasaj za tu ulogu, mislim da je on stvoren za takve mracne uloge! Anyway, jucer sam dosla doma oko pola 4 ujutro i jos uvijek mi nije jasno zasto, ali napisala sam 6 strofa pjesme u polupijanom stanju. Pjesma je totalno besmislena, ali bash zbog toga sto nema nikakvog smisla mi se svida. Danas sam je dovrsila i sadrzi neke motive iz filma o kojem sam maloprije pisala. Procitajte ako vam se da...c ya around        Angelic thoughts The dark times are near us So make sure your sins are confessed Hold your little golden cross And pray to be blessed Jesus died for nothing All the humans are still cursed Lucifer lives in Chicago And our punishment couldn`t be worse Virgin Mary wasn`t inoccent And Holly Spirit was a guy With a torzo of Apolon So Mary`s mouth went dry God is just a sadist A disturbed little child Never planning anything Simply being unpredictable and wild My best friend is a vampire His master`s nickname is "the Most Unclean" Heaven and Hell are right here And we`re all smacked in between Angels lie, fuck, kill and steal And every night they smoke weed Under the light of a black candle They`re spreading Satan`s seed I slit my wrists twice `till now Both times I used my fathers blade But every time my demon brought me back And cleaned the mess I`ve made Five minutes in Hell Seem as an eternity of pain Make you start wondering If you`re healthy or insane Everyone`s a bit crazy With gun pointed in the head I laughed my ass out How strongly they sculs bled I try to fasten my death with cigarettes and drink My mother cannot stop me Nor can my fat shrink Saints are leaving a bloody trail To the famous promised land But the people are to dumb to follow So their souls turn to sand My neighbour`s son has cancer And his mother prays for his cure But God is watching lesbian show So the sick boy will have to endure My nails are painted pink And I`ve got a little sparkiling crown But my heart is black and poisoned On my face there`s an eternal frown I know a priest from my church He likes blonde nuns and young boys And most of all he likes dead animals He plays with them as with toys One day our powers will grow stronger And we`ll make the world disappear Me, the vampire and the morbid priest Will make the world cry a tear Now I`m gonna light a candle For all the beasts like me Soon we`re gonna walk Earth freely And noone`s gonna be alive to disagree |
03.05.2006., srijeda
Death
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Grčki filozof Epikur je tvrdio da smrt nije loša jer dok smo živi smrti nema, a kad umremo nas nema, prema tome smrt uopće ne može utjecati na nas. Američki Nagel kaže da je smrt loša jer nam produžetak života pruža mogučnost da dođemo do dobrih stvari. Heidegger, njemački filozof je tvrdio da je čovjek svjestan sebe jer je svjestan svoje smrtnosti, odnosno mi smo svjesni sebe jer osječamo tjeskobu u odnosu spram smrti. Ja osobno poznajem mnogo ljudi koji kazu da se ne boje nicega, bash nicega osim smrti... Moje misljenje je da bi nam to trebao biti najmanji strah, odnosno da se smrti uopce ne bi trebali bojati. Moja mama misli da sam zbog tog svog stava totalni mracnjak i pesimist, dok moj psihic kaze da sam "produhovljena" i "ispred svoje generacije", mada nikad nije rekao da je moj stav ispravan... Ja mislim da oboje seru i to big time...Zasto se bojati smrti kad ju nikako nemozemo izbjeci i nikada necemo moci... Smrt je samo dio zivota i jedan je obicni ciklus koji moramo proci i koji cemo prolaziti iz jednog zivota u drugi...Osim toga, koliko ja znam ni jedna religija na smrt ne gleda sa negativnog stajalista. Cak se i nihilisti ne bi trebali bojati smrti s obzirom da vjeruju da poslije smrti nema nicega...Samo praznina i crnina, pa stoga po njihovoj teoriji ne postoji sansa da se reinkarniraju u kisnu glistu ili da zavrse u paklu....Dok je Isus bio razapet na krizu, rekao je razapetom lopovu pored sebe da ce ako se pokaje ici ravno u Raj. Dakle katolici, pokajte svoje grijehe kako god teski bili i smrt vam ne bi trebala biti problem. Hinduisti, budisti i jos mnogi drugi pojedinci razlicitih religija vjeruju u reinkarnaciju, odnosno u povratak u ljudsko tijelo i zivljenje novog zivota. Kvaliteta tog zivota ovisi o grijesima i dobrim djelima koje je pojedinac ucinio za vrijeme zivota. Ok, sad sam se malo zalaufala i raspisala, ali bit svega je da je smrt pljuga i najgluplji razlog za strah i stres! Bojte se ljudi testova iz povijesti i budite stressed out zbog gladi u svijetu i nepravednog kaznenog sustava u nasoj zemlji....Anyway, ovo je jedna moja teorija pa vi razmislite...c ya When Death Comes When death comes like the hungry bear in autumn when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse to buy me, and snaps his purse shut; when death comes like the measle pox; when death comes like an iceberg between the shoulder blades, I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering; what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness? And therefore I look upon everything as a brotherhood and a sisterhood, and I look upon time as no more than an idea, and I consider eternity as another possibility, and I think of each life as a flower, as common as a field daisy, and as singular, and each name a comfortable music in the mouth tending as all music does, toward silence, and each body a lion of courage, and something precious to the earth. When it's over, I want to say: all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms. When it's over, I don't want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real. I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened or full of argument. I don't want to end up simply having visited this world. ~Mary Oliver  |
02.05.2006., utorak
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Bash sam surfala po livejournalu i nasla novi razlog da se totalno izivciram...Cinjenica da sam u PMS-u dodatno otezava situaciju!:)Citala sam dnevnik jedne klinkice koja za sebe tvrdi da je goticarka, darkerica, whatever i zivotni moto joj je "Kill fake goths and preps". Sama ta izjava vam govori puno o toj produhovljenoj tru goticarki...Ona je samo jedan primjer mentaliteta koji je sve cesci u hrvatskih teenagera. Ljudi me cijeli zivot osuduju po tome kakvu odjecu nosim, koju glazbu slusam i da li na noktima imam french ili ne...Vjerojatno bi covjek pomislio da sam drukcija kad bi vidio moj blog, ali ja sam zakleta sminkerica cija je najdraza boja ruzicasta. I bash zbog te jebene ruzicaste boje, ljudi koji sebe smatraju intelektualcima i koji ne pridaju vaznost fizickom izgledu me svrstavaju u kos sa praznoglavim i plitkim plavusicama kojima je smisao zivota naci sto bogatijeg frajera i neku dobru traper minicu u D&G-u... Nije mi jasno zasto bi svi morali biti etiketirani kao reperi,sminkeri,goticari,hipiji...itd...Zasto postoje glupi stereotipi da su sminkerice prazne i glupe, goticarke suicidalne, raperice agresivne i hipijevke produhovljene?! Ja karakterno odgovaram svim tim tipovima i jebemu mater nisam etiketirana!Odoh sad zapalit na terasu, pere me kriza!Za kraj cu postat jednu pjesmicu koju sam nedavno napisala trebi koju stalno sanjam!c ya around Isobel In a dark corner Of an empty street Stood she-my angel So pretty and complete Her eyes so green And her fatal look Her lips so red My breath they took Her broken smile Cigarette in her hand Her hair wawing In colour of sand She`s lost in this city This city of sin A tear rolls slowly Down her pale skin She calls my name I hear her screams This already happened But in my dreams I know the ending It gives me the chills I don`t stop running But it`s hard in these heels I hug her and kiss her And say:”You must resist” It`s too late, she shows me Her bloody wrist  |
