SUCK MY SCARS

Eto, sutra je točno 11, 5 godina bez Kurta. A ja na blogu nisam dosada ništa pisala o Nirvani. Ne znam zašto nisam, ali možda je ipak došlo vrijeme da nešta napišem. I to će biti o njima. Kurt's Angel me inspirirala da pvp napišem na neki način. Da jednostavno ljudi vide moje shvaćanje njihove veze.
Mediji su Courtney prikazali kao zlu vješticu koja Kurta samo želi iskoristiti i uzeti svu njegovu slavu i novac, a onda ga odbaciti kao taru papuču. On je bio mali, bolježljivi dječak koji nije u stanju donositi sam odluke. Prikazali su ga i kao neku vrstu "izmučenog muža". Ja sam u početku mrzila Courtney i mislila sam da je ona očajna osoba, vjerovala sam medijima. A onda se, prije par godina sve promijenilo. Čak i slušam Hole i volim njenu glazbu. I možda jesam glupa, racite šta hoćete - ali Courtney je nadarena. Super pjeva i piše odlične tekstove. Uostalom, ona je pomogla u pisanju Pennyrolyal Tea i Heart-shaped Box. Pročitala sam njezinu biografiju i mislim da je dobra osoba. I onda je imala teško djetinjstvo, još gore od Kurtovog. Kada bi se Kurtovo djetinjstvo uspoređivalo s njezinim, njegovo djetinjstvo bi bilo bajka. I ja eto, poštujem Courtney. I ne mislim da ga je iskoristila za svoje ciljeve. Jer 1991. ,kada su počeli izlaziti, Hole i Nirvana su bili jednako popularni. Oba banda su privlačila dosta pozornosti. A kada je Nirvana postala baš jako popularna (recimo da za datum uzmemo 12.1. 1992. kada su nastupali na SNL-u) oni su već bili zaručeni. I on je bio jako zaljubljen u nju i vjerovao joj je. On ju je poznavao i mislio je da je ona dobra osoba. Zašto bi onda mi mislili nešta drugačije o njoj?! Jednostavno mislim da je ljudi nemaju pravo osuđivati i nabijati joj njegovu smrt na nos. Jer ne vjerujem da bi ona htjela ostaviti svoju kćerkicu bez oca jer ona još bolje od Kurta zna kako je odrastati u razorenoj obitelji.
A opet tako ne vjerujem ni da se Kurt sam ubio. I to zbog Frances. Jer on je njoj htio sve najbolje i sve bi žrtvovao za nju. Ostao bi živ, samo zbog Frances. I možda je pred kraj i htio ostaviti Courtney, ali to niko osim njih ne zna. I zašto bi onda mi osuđivali nju samo na temelju loših informacija. Niko ne zna kakav je njihov brak bio osim njih samih.
A iz njenih pjesama se vidi da je ona patila, osim ako je odglumila da pati. I eto, i prije sam tvrdila da Courtney nije loša. Čak mi je, kao šta sam već prije nekoliko postova napisala, na neki način i uzor. I onda su mi se ljudi čudili i vjerujem da će se i sada čuditi zato što podržavam Courtney i mislim da ona nije loša. I nije vještica. To su samo mediji napravili od nje. Sliku zle žene koja samo želi njegovu slavu i to sve. A ona se penjala na njegovo mrtvo tijelo i odrezala si je njegove stidne dlake, ona je cijeli jedan svoj album napisala o njemu, ona je uzela komadić jegove lubanje s kosom, ona se valjala u njegovj krvi. I ona se brinula i još uvije se brine o Frances. I mislim da se dobro brine o njoj jer svih ovih godina ju je uspjela držati podalje od medija.

Evo i pjesme koje su po mom o Kurtu:

"Awful"

Swing low, sweet cherry
Make it awful
It's your life, it's your party
It's so awful
Let's start a fire! Let's start a riot!
Yeah, it's awful
It was punk
Yeah, it was perfect
Now it's awful

They know how to break all the girls like you
And they rob the souls of the girls like you
And they break the hearts of the girls

Swing low, cherry, cherry
Yeah, it's awful
He's drunk, he tastes like candy
He's so beautiful

He's so deep like dirty water
God, he's awful
You're lost, oh, where's your daddy?
It's so awful

And they royalty rate all the girls like you
And they sell it out to the girls like you
To incorporate little girls

Hey, run away with the light
Run away, it's divine
Let's run away, yeah, tonight
And we'll steal the light of the world

Swing low, sweet cherry
Yeah, it's awful
You're ripe for the picking
It's so awful
You've got your youth
Don't waste your money
Yeah, it's awful
I was punk!
Now I'm just stupid!
I'm so awful

Oh, just shut up you're only sixteen (2 x's)

If the world is so wrong
Yeah, you can break them all with one song
If the world is so wrong
Yeah, you can take it all with one song

Swing low, sweet cherry
Make it awful
They bought it all, just build a new one
Make it beautiful
Yeah


"Malibu"
Crash and burn
All the stars explode tonight
How'd you get so desperate?
How'd you stay alive?
Help me please
Burn the sorrow from your eyes
Oh come on, be alive again
Don't lay down and die

Hey hey, you know what to do
Oh baby, drive away to Malibu

Get well soon
Please don't go any higher
How are you so burned when you're barely on fire?
Cry to the angels
I'm gonna rescue you
I'm gonna set you free tonight, baby
Pour over me

Hey hey, we're all watching you
Oh baby, fly away to Malibu
Cry to the angels
That swallow you
Go and part the sea, yeah, in Malibu

And the sun goes down
I watch you slip away
And the sun goes down
I walk into the waves
And the sun goes down
I watch you slip away
And I walk
And I knew love would tear you apart
Oh, and I knew the darkest secret of your heart

Hey hey, I'm gonna follow you
Oh baby, fly away, yeah, to Malibu
Oceans of angels
Oceans of stars
Down by the sea is where you drown your scars

I can't be near you
The light just radiates
I can't be near you
The light just radiates


"Reasons To Be Beautiful"
Love hangs herself
With the bedsheets in her cell
Threw myself on fires for you
Ten good reasons to stay alive
Ten good reasons that I can't find

Oh, give me a reason to be beautiful
So sick in his body
So sick in his soul
Oh, give me one reason to be beautiful
Oh, and everything I am

Love hates you
I live my life in ruins for you
And for all your secrets kept
I squashed the blossom
Now the blossom's dead

Oh, give me a reason to be beautiful
So sick in his body
So sick in his soul
Oh, and I will make myself so beautiful
Oh, and everything I am

Miles and miles of perfect skin
I swear I do, I fit right in
My love burns through everything
I cannot breathe
Miles and miles of perfect sin
I swear, I said, I fit right in
I fit right in your perfect skin
I cannot breathe

Hey, baby, take it all the way down
Hey, baby, taste me anyway
Oh, you were born so pretty
Oh summerbabe, we'll never know
And fading like a rose

Give me a reason to be beautiful
So sick in his body
So sick in his soul
I'll give you my body
Just sell me your soul
Oh, and everything I am will be bought and sold
Oh, and everything I am will turn hard and cold

And they say in the end
You'll get better just like them
And they steal your heart away
When the fire goes out you better learn to fake
It's better to rise than fade away

Hey, you were right
Named a star for your eyes
Did you freeze?
Did you weep?
Turn to gold, baby, sleep

Hey, honey mine
I was there all the time
And I weep at your feet
And it rains and rains


"Northen Star"
And I cry and no one can hear
Inhale the blinded eyes that see
The chaos bring the pitiful to me
Even though I'm wide awake
I will in blackest night
And I wait for you
It's cold in here, there's no one left
And I wait for you
And nothing stops it happening
And I knew I'd cherish all my misery alone

And I wait staring at the northern star
I'm afraid it won't lead me anywhere
He's so cold he will ruin the world tonight
All the angels kneel into the northern lights
Kneel into the frozen lights

And they paid, I cry and cry for you
Ghosts that haunt you with their sorrow
I cried 'cause you were doomed
Praying to the wound that swallows all that's cold and cruel
Can you see the trees, charity and gratitude?
They run to the pines
It's black in here, blot out the sun and run to the pines
Our misery runs wild and free
And I knew the fire and the ashes of his grace

And I wait staring at the northern star
I'm afraid it won't lead you very far
He's so cold he will win the world tonight
All the angels kneel into the frozen lights
Feel their hearts, they're cold and white

And I want you
And blessed are the broken
And I beg you
No loneliness, no misery is worth you
Oh, tear his heart out
Cold as ice, it's mine

And I wait praying to the northern star
I'm afraid it won't lead you anywhere
He's so cold raining on the world tonight
All the angels kneeling to the northern lights

And I pray begging to the northern star
I'm afraid it won't lead you anywhere
He's so cold he will rule the world tonight
All the angels kneeling to the northern lights
Kneeling to the frozen lights
Feel their hearts, they're cold as ice


"Use Once And Destroy"
It's the emptiness that follows you down
It's the ache inside when it all burns out
It's poisonous it muscles it aches
It's everything you had when it breaks

It's the emptiness that's all you have left
Too terrified of your frozen breath
It's a bitter mouth it's buttered and knived
It's the awful truth you fight for your life

It might as well it might as well hurt
It might as well it might as well

I went down to rescue you
I went all the way down
Fill your hungry wretched life
Here they come it's closing time

It's the bitter root it's twisted inside
It's the heart you used to have when it died
It's the emptiness it poisons it lies
It's everything that you'll never find
It might as well it might as well hurt
It might as well it might as well

I went down for the remains
Sort through all your blurs and stains
Take your rapture blister burns
Stand in line it's not your turn

All dressed in red, always the bride
Off with her head, all dressed in white
Off with her head

I went down to rescue you
I went all the way down
I went down for the remains
Sort through all your blurs and stains

Ooh, I will follow you
Anytime anywhere
Ooh, when they come for you
Just say you don't care


"Boys On The Radio"
Do what you want
'Cause I'll do anything
And I'll take the blame

What's mine is yours
You can't have all of it
And I'll learn to beg

All the boys on the radio
They crash and burn
They fold and fade so slow
In your endless summer night
I'll be on the other side
When you're beautiful and dying
All the world that you've denied
When the water is too deep
You can close your eyes and really sleep tonight
Tonight

I want what's yours
Oh I'd give anything
And I'll take the pain

I wait alone
For what will never come
And I'll throw it all away

All the boys on the radio
They crash and burn
They fold and fade so slow
In your endless summer night
I'll be on the other side
When you're beautiful and dying
All the world that you've denied
When the water is too deep
You can close your eyes and really sleep tonight
Your beauty blinds

If I let you in under my skin
And risen every angel slain

He said he'd never, ever, ever go
And heavens, heavens, heavens know
And never, ever, ever go away
Baby, I've gone away

In your endless summer night
I'll be on the other side
When you're beautiful and dying
All the world that you've denied
When the water is too deep
You can close your eyes and really sleep tonight
Your beauty blinds

I know what you are running to
Please come back
Oh, come back again
I hear the truth
It's coming from you
Oh, come back
Won't come back again

In your endless summer night
I'll be on the other side
When the water is too deep
I will ease your suffering
When the glitter fades in morning
Turn away and you will find my empty eyes
Your beauty blinds

I know that you are rotten to the core
I know that you don't love me anymore
I know that you are rotten to the core


"Heaven Tonight"
Here comes the sun in the form of a girl
She's the finest sweetest thing in the world
Take you to heaven tonight
I feel the horses coming galloping
In the summer rain
Take you to heaven tonight
'Cause I love you for what you are

I'll gallop to you, tonight, tonight
We'll ride, I'll give it to you
We're going to heaven tonight
Tonight

Out on the winding road I couldn't wait
Oh baby, I was afraid
Headed for heaven tonight
I'll go to heaven tonight
I feel the horses coming galloping
I will never grow old
I'll go to heaven tonight
Because I love you for what you are

I'll gallop to you tonight, tonight
We'll ride, I'll bow down to you
We're going to heaven tonight
Tonight

I can't believe that I can be happy
Someone will come again
I can't be happy
Oh, stop your crying
You can be happy
Go to heaven when you make me happy

Here comes the kiss that I never had
Nothing feels like this
Headed for heaven tonight
I love you

Here comes a storm in the form of a girl
She's the finest sweetest thing in the world
I'll go to heaven tonight for what you are

I'll gallop to you tonight, tonight
We'll ride, I'll bow down to you
We'll go to heaven tonight
Tonight (3 x's)
Take it tonight (2 x's)
Take me tonight
Tonight (2 x's)


"Playing Your Song"
Hey you, you're way ahead of me
You're drunk on apathy
You burned right out
Hey you, you're just a cripple now
We sell for millions now
They sold you out

And oh, I had to tell them you were gone
I had to tell them they were wrong
And now they're playing your song

Hey you, don't take it out on me
You're bored of everything
You burned right out
Hey you, so bored and cynical
It's fucking wonderful
They sold you out

And oh, they've bought and sold it all, it's gone
They've taken it and built a mall
And now they're playing your song

Ooh, their innocence tastes like candy, yeah
Get so fat on it, it's a tragedy, yeah
Ooh, I can help you come to me, yeah
Just bring your innocence to me, yeah

Hey you, oh don't you dare blame me
You trusted everything
They sold you out
Hey you, now when they call it cool
It's just so mean and cruel
They sold you out

And oh, they've bought and sold it all, it's gone
And every note of it is wrong
And now they're playing your song
Yeah yeah yeah

Oh, they've bought and sold it all, it's gone
They've taken it and built a mall
And now they're playing your song
They're playing, playing your song (3 x's)

Eto, na ove pjesme sam se rasplakala. Jer tako se mogu vidjeti njezini osjećaji prema njemu. I jaki su. I vidi se da joj nedostaje. Baš kao što nedostaje i meni i svima nama. Evo par slikia:


Zaljubljeni par:


Ovu sliku volim:


Ovak nešt slično imam i ja u sobi (zapravo cijela soba mi je takva):


Hole dok je Kristen još bila živa:


Kurt Donald Cobain
1967 - 1994 R.I.P.