At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
The two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a big fat white guy who is threatened by change.
Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle.
If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself, tell yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches.
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster. Your life will never be the same again.
The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.
Whatever you do, do it to the purpose; do it thoroughly, not superficially. Go to the bottom of things. Any thing half done, or half known, is in my mind, neither done nor known at all. Nay, worse, for it often misleads.
I've gone into hundreds of fortune-teller's parlors, and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her.
The world tolerates conceit from those who are successful, but not from anybody else.
Music is essentially useless, as life is.
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
Facts are the enemy of truth.
It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.
The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
Laughter is supposed to be the best medicine, however, it should never be at the expense of someone?s feelings or ignoring truth.
The car rocked back and forth and tipped uphill.
All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.
It's all right to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation.
All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance.
Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars.
There are sadistic scientists who hurry to hunt down errors instead of establishing the truth.
A hypocrite is a person who--but who isn't?
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
Eat a third and drink a third and leave the remaining third of your stomach empty. Then, when you get angry, there will be sufficient room for your rage.
Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.
Experience is a good teacher, but she send in terrific bills.
People fail forward to success.
Vegetarianism is harmless enough, though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness.
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
I barely had time to register them before those rifles were pointed at me.
Listen. Do not have an opinion while you listen because frankly, your opinion doesn?t hold much water outside of Your Universe. Just listen. Listen until their brain has been twisted like a dripping towel and what they have to say is all over the floor.
Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
It is easier to exclude harmful passions than to rule them, and to deny them admittance than to control them after they have been admitted.
It's never just a game when you're winning.
A hypocrite is a person who--but who isn't?
Be careful that victories do not carry the seed of future defeats.
Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
The crowd gives the leader new strength.
Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand.
So quick and so fiercely I barely had time to gasp before it was locked on me.
You can have it all. You just can't have it all at once.
Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
It is my hope that I can assist you in getting here too.
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
A moment later, I caught my breath, but I didn't say anything.
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.
Some people make headlines while others make history.
What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put it on?
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Refuse to be ill. Never tell people you are ill; never own it to yourself. Illness is one of those things which a man should resist on principle.
We learn and grow and are transformed not so much by what we do but by why and how we do it.
Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
Nobody is ever met at the airport when beginning a new adventure. It's just not done.
I heard Jolu respond, then felt the thump he was dealt, too.
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
It's innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn't.
I used to believe that marriage would diminish me, reduce my options. That you had to be someone less to live with someone else when, of course, you have to be someone more.
Books...are like lobster shells, we surround ourselves with 'em, then we grow out of 'em and leave 'em behind, as evidence of our earlier stages of development.
If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich.
Do something every day that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come.
Peace is when time doesn't matter as it passes by.
Life is consciousness.
To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals.
Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.
Is there life before death?
There is no nonsense so errant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action.
We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong.
The more freedom we enjoy, the greater the responsibility we bear, toward others as well as ourselves.
Love truth, and pardon error.
Worries go down better with soup than without.
A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.
Rest is the sweet sauce of labor.
He will always be a slave who does not know how to live upon a little.
We cannot deny the facts of nature, but we should certainly try to improve on them.
We play the hands of cards life gives us. And the worst hands can make us the best players.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
In an industrial society which confuses work and productivity, the necessity of producing has always been an enemy of the desire to create.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
I would be the most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough bookshelves.
The crowd gives the leader new strength.
No man remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself.
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
Love is that splendid triggering of human vitality... the supreme activity which nature affords anyone for going out of himself toward someone else.
There is no nonsense so errant that it cannot be made the creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action.
I used to believe that marriage would diminish me, reduce my options. That you had to be someone less to live with someone else when, of course, you have to be someone more.
A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary.
A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.
Someone dragged me by my arms out onto the road, then shoved me, stumbling, down a paved road.
The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.
All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance.
I nearly fell again, but new hands grabbed me from in front and dragged me down a steel floor and then forced me to my knees and locked my hands to something behind me.
Obscurity is a good thing. You can fail in obscurity. It removes the fear of failure.
Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.
Always seek out the seed of triumph in every adversity.
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
I have often wished I had time to cultivate modesty... But I am too busy thinking about myself.
Worrying about them always struck me as about as useful as worrying about getting hit by lightning.
I stand in awe of my body.
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
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