Spleen Siska

srijeda, 30.01.2008.

kad ?

upitao me je...
nisam mu odgovorio.
pokusao sam.
nije mi islo.
beskrajna sjecanja su navirala.
no ni jedno nije bila istina...
pretrazivao sam bjedni raj zaboravljenih godina,
nestalih trenutaka.
losih osjecaja,
naguranih u moju bezvrjednu gubicu.
s mnostvom sile...
malo osjecaja...
za nista...
za sve...

30.01.2008. u 03:03 • 3 KomentaraPrint#

utorak, 29.01.2008.

"Man's destructive hand spares nothing that lives; he kills to feed himself, he kills to clothe himself, he kills to adorn himself, he kills to attack, he kills to defend himself, he kills to instruct himself, he kills to amuse himself, he kills for the sake of killing. Proud and terrible king, he wants everything and nothing resists him... from the lamb he tears its guts and makes his harp resound... from the wolf his most deadly tooth to polish his pretty works of art; from the elephant his tusks to make a toy for his child - his table is covered with corpses... And who [in this general carnage] will exterminate him who exterminates all others? Himself. It is man who is charged with the slaughter of man... So it is accomplished... the great law of the violent destruction of living creatures. The whole earth, perpetually steeped in blood, is nothing but a vast altar upon which all that is living must be sacrificed without end, without measure, without pause, until the consummation of things, until evil is extinct, until the death of death."
Josef de Maistre

29.01.2008. u 06:42 • 4 KomentaraPrint#

ponedjeljak, 28.01.2008.

200

one of us one of us guble gable guble gable



nezgodan dan ispred mene,
sisanje na kratko,
brijanje,
traženje posla,
silovanje škole,
ne želim
ne želim
ne želim
moram
moram
moram
bijeg u maštu
ne vrijedi
kad si gladan...

Subterranean Homesick Blues - Bob Dylan



Johnny's in the basement
Mixing up the medicine
I'm on the pavement
Thinking about the government
The man in the trench coat
Badge out, laid off
Says he's got a bad cough
Wants to get it paid off
Look out kid
It's somethin' you did
God knows when
But you're doin' it again
You better duck down the alley way
Lookin' for a new friend
The man in the coon-skin cap
In the big pen
Wants eleven dollar bills
You only got ten

Maggie comes fleet foot
Face full of black soot
Talkin' that the heat put
Plants in the bed but
The phone's tapped anyway
Maggie says that many say
They must bust in early May
Orders from the D. A.
Look out kid
Don't matter what you did
Walk on your tip toes
Don't try "No Doz"
Better stay away from those
That carry around a fire hose
Keep a clean nose
Watch the plain clothes
You don't need a weather man
To know which way the wind blows

Get sick, get well
Hang around a ink well
Ring bell, hard to tell
If anything is goin' to sell
Try hard, get barred
Get back, write braille
Get jailed, jump bail
Join the army, if you fail
Look out kid
You're gonna get hit
But users, cheaters
Six-time losers
Hang around the theaters
Girl by the whirlpool
Lookin' for a new fool
Don't follow leaders
Watch the parkin' meters

Ah get born, keep warm
Short pants, romance, learn to dance
Get dressed, get blessed
Try to be a success
Please her, please him, buy gifts
Don't steal, don't lift
Twenty years of schoolin'
And they put you on the day shift
Look out kid
They keep it all hid
Better jump down a manhole
Light yourself a candle
Don't wear sandals
Try to avoid the scandals
Don't wanna be a bum
You better chew gum
The pump don't work
'Cause the vandals took the handles

one of us one of us guble gable guble gable

28.01.2008. u 08:42 • 4 KomentaraPrint#

četvrtak, 24.01.2008.

oziljci

u noci prije mrtvog casa
zmije u liscu suhom, gmizu...
strahuju od koraka njegovih,
podmuklih usporenih teskih
na njemu oziljci, od pete do cela
pod njim grob, isklesani natpis zaboravljene...

u svojoj nesreci, sad usamljen stoji
dok budno oko gleda ga
dok plitka, plitka tisina
vodom ukrocenom divlja...

spram njeg vrijeme ce stat
ispucane kosti popucat ce,
likvidacija vlasnika,
gospodara zivota,
prije ili kasnije
doci ce...



1980

24.01.2008. u 04:22 • 6 KomentaraPrint#

četvrtak, 17.01.2008.

proslo je vremena mnogo, sad se cini od zadnjeg unosa u ovaj izgubljeni arhiv sjecanja, iskrivljenih emocija. u zadnje vrijeme previse se susrecem sa smrcu, svojih prijatelja i svojom...od zadnjeg sam izgubio krvi vise nego sto sam mogao podnesti u tom trenutku, zavrtilo mi se na kratko, glavobolja i rupa u sjecanju i mrak. probudio sam se u prolazu kamenom, hladnom, prljavom, krvavom... probudio sam se u bolovima nesvjestan krvi koja je tiho klizila niz ruku. pogledao sam sake, kratki prsti siroki dlanovi, natopljeni krvlju, vrtoglavica se vratila, alkohol ju je pogorsao... Gdije sam bio? Cija je to krv? Sto sam sad napravio? Crna rupa progutala je sjecanje.
Mrak...
paranoja...
kaos...
smijeh...
divljacki, neumjesni, odvratni smijeh...
izvadio sam mobitel iz unutarnjeg djepa, jos je tu, nisam ga izgubio, pomislio sam ovo je moj sretan dan. nazvao sam prijatelje da se nadjemo na uobicajnom mjestu, nadajuci da oni mozda znaju nesto vise od mene... krv je nastavila teci polagano tiho neprimjetno. nisam ju osjecao zbog prokletog alkohola dok sasuseno srce tuklo zarobljeno izmedju sjena. nasli smo se ubrzo na sigurnom mijestu. zabrinuti kao i malo nazivcirani mojim kasnim pozivom dosli su na vrijeme, razmjena trivije lagodno je tekla dok jedan nije upitao "da mozda ti ne krvaris?" zasukao sam rukav kaputa i gledao u nevjericiruku zasutu skorenom krvlju i jednim malim potokom koji je iskakao iz sasjecenog mesa na laktu.
"Uh oh! Sto tu bi? zapitao sam se, "valjda je samo moja krv na dlanovima, nadam se..." proklinjao sam sebe i alkohol u bradu.
lijepota alkohola je u zaboravu. dok je zaborav vladao u mojim ocima bio sam kralj, dok je zaborav vladao u mome umu bio sam prosjak... doteturao sam se do kuce nekako, ostavsi krvne mrlje za sobom poput mrvica da se znam vratiti na mijesto zlocina. svakim trenutkom kvi bilo je vise, ostavljam ju po vratima, po hodniku po podu, po licu. Odljepljivsi kaput od zakrvavljene koze, udarila me ponovo vrtoglavica, rusim se na koljena, bol, dizem nogavicu, jos krvi, tragovi padanja, mucnina, suha usta, zed...odpuzao sam do wc-a na izguljenim koljenima, omotavam ruku rucnikom i odlazim u krevet, komfort napokon. lijezem lagano bezbolno na njega, osjecam ruku kako pulsira, topla krv jos tece, pocinje boliti, razarajuce, ignoriram to, sklapam oci s tihim glasicem u glavi koji mi govori podlo i ljigavo "neces se probuditi" ;moja sposobnost ignoriranja problema sad je vec legendarna; Tonem u san, lakse nego inace i spajam se s mrakom, jos jednom. Trenutak nicega prolazi, sest sati prolazi, spavam. brat budi me iz lakog sna s pogledom na ruku. U ocima mu se vidio meni poznat izraz "glupi konju sta si sad napravio?" Odmotao mi je debeli bijeli rucnik natopljen krvlju sa slabasne ruke, krv je krenula ponovno,
"duboka rana" prozbori tiho, stavljajuci mi steriliziranu gazu na mjehurcic koji je nalikovao na debelu socnu krastu, omotavajuci to zavojem. dan je prolazio polagano, ljudi su dolazili, odlazili svojim tokom, poput male mravlje kolonije neupravljajuci svojim zivotima,mali mravici, male radilice. dosla je subotnja vecer, opusteni ugodjaj je bio u zraku(25g).
Brat mi je dosao previti ruku, zavoj se sljepio s krvlju, povukao je malo jace, mjehurcic nalik na krastu pokidao se, krv je pocela teci ponovo, mocnije nego prije, toplije nego prije, arterija je pukla. ocistio je na brzinu s hidrogenom i brzo zamotao... pocistili smo krv i nesmetano nastavili razgovor, netko se poceo smijati i rekao nesto poput
"ej stari, krvari ti zavoj"
ja sam odgovorio nesto kao
"ne, ustvari to ja krvarim"
smijeh,
pauza,
bacam pogled prema ruci, prema zavoju, bio je natopljen krvlju, krv je curila iz njega po bocama pokraj plave fotelje gdje mi je ruka visila, mrtvo nepomicno. odvezli su me na hitnu, tiho i polagano, bez previse buke, bez previse straha. krvi je bilo sve vise i vise, svijesti je bilo sve manje i manje. kako je bilo na hitnoj nesjecam se previse, samo mnogo krvi i crna uputnica za sivanje arterije na kiruskoj hitnoj. sjeo sam sa sestrom u kola hitne pomoci, tiha vozna u kojoj je monopolizirala razgovorom, izasli smo van, posjela me u cekaonicu i predala me dalje poput stafete kojoj se plamen gasi... cekaonica prazna, nocna smijena pocinje, sijedim sam, hladno mi je, tresem se, vrti mi se, paranoje dozivotne invalidnosti ulaze mi u glavu, dok doktor tiho jede svoj osuseni sendvic iz polu-pokvarenog automata, u smrti spasenje. krv je probila par roli zavoja, usprkos stegnutom zavoju iznad lakta, primili su me napokon unutra, njima je bio trenutak, meni vijecnost.
"Zdravstvenu molim" doktor je zatrazio.
"nemam zdravstveno" posramljno sam rekao,
usnica mu je zatitrala i okrenuo je glavu prema malo starijoj sestri, naredivsi joj da mi skine zavoj. Nakon sto je ga odrezala, odljepila ga je naglo, tad mlazic krvi joj spricne na svijetlo plavu iznosenu bluzu, stresla se s gadjenjem, sabrala se i nastavila pripremati stvari. cinila se stabilno, pomislio sam, no izgled vara, poceo sam tonut u misli, dok me polegla na bolnicki krevet jer sam bio bljed ;sto jos uvijek jesam; postavljala mi je standardna pitanja da mi odvrati pozornost dok mi sisacki mesar s osmogodisnjom praksom u gavrilovicu kopa po ruci, "oho to je arterijica pukla" rekao je i nasmijao se, ohoho pomislio sam si - pokidat cu ti glavu i posrat ti se u grlo kolko si mi smijesan u ovom trenutku, no nije on kriv zbog nedostatka humora, krivim drustvo i televiziju i ostale izlike "zasto je moje dijete govno." osjecao sam nekakvu nesigurnost, no unatoc doktorovom nedostatku humora, vidila se kompetentnost i samouvjerenost u njegovim ocima, vidjela se rutina... nekakav cudni strah je bio prisutan u mojem srcu, zivotinjski strah, srce je pocelo tuci, jace i jace jace i jace, krv je pocela teci iz ruke brze i brze, sestra se uspanicarila i pocela se vrtit u krug da isprazni gusku, nije ju mogla nac cini se, makar je bila ravno ispred nje... doktor se izderao zestokim glasom "sestro tamo!", kao da vlada situacijom, i zbilja situacija se smirila, sestra se sabrala, guska se praznila... zapitas se dali je samouvjerenost sve sto ti treba?dok je kiselinom palio arteriju, pitao me nesto kao:
"kako ti se to uopce dogodilo? dali si se srezao na casu u birtiji?"
pomislio sam u sebi, dali zbilja ostavljam takav prvi dojam i odgovorio mu "da jucer kad sam bio u birtiji-"
"Sto?" prekino me "hodas cijeli dan s puknutom arterijom po gradu? jesi ti glup?"
"da..." odgovotio sam
nitko nezeli komplikacije, bar vecina ne, stoga razumijem zasto bi mi mogao reci nesto tako, jednostavno...zaklamao je kozu, rekavsi
"dodji za dva dana na pregled i previjanje, zbogom"
naravno nisam dosao...anegdote anegdote bez poante, gade mi se...ha

17.01.2008. u 04:34 • 11 KomentaraPrint#

četvrtak, 10.01.2008.

10.01.2008. u 13:04 • 7 KomentaraPrint#

utorak, 08.01.2008.

Laurie Anderson Washington



It's midnight downtown. It's been raining for days
Rain beats down.
It covers the streets with its sparkling skin.
In the deli purple light
A woman in a party dress pays for some milk
Yellow cab stops for a light
Two men in black hats are running
A messenger on a bike
Pile drivers pounding. They've set up some lights.
They're digging a hole. It's filling up with black water.
Rainy days. Rainy nights.
Steam rises, covers the city.
Pieces of old newspaper float like paper boats
They slide along the rushing water in the gutter.
Rainy days. Rainy nights.
Rain falls down and covers the city
It falls from fabulous heights.
Covers the streets with its sparkling skin.
And over on Jane street they're shooting that movie again
They just can't seem to get it right
Behind a warehouse in a burned out building
A man is sleeping in a cardboard box on a pile of salt
Rainy days. Rainy nights.
Rain falls down and covers the city
It falls from fabulous heights.
Covers the streets with its sparkling skin.
A man on a park bench
He sits in the pouring rain.


Happy birthday Smeg, you smeggin git...


Daddy Daddy,
it was just like you said
Now that the living
outnumber the dead.
Where I come from
it's a long thin thread
Across an ocean.
Down a river of red.
Now that the living
outnumber the dead.
Daddy Daddy,
it was just like you said
Now that the living
outnumber the dead.
Speak my language.
Hello.
Here come the quick.
There go the dead.
Here they come.
Bright red.
Speak my language.

08.01.2008. u 03:59 • 2 KomentaraPrint#

srijeda, 02.01.2008.

Za proljece iscekivano

02.01.2008. u 11:47 • 7 KomentaraPrint#

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Komentari da/ne?

sam, u tisini...



2,21,16

ako sam ostavio komentar na vasem blogu nemorate ostavljati uzvrat, jer mi to stvarno nije vazno.


Slike brata Jottuna na na myspace-u(?)

muzika brata Jottuna na myspace-u(?)

‘Insanity in individuals is something rare; but in groups, parties, nations, and epochs it is the rule.’ — Nietzsche



El pueblo se alza como un vendaval
camina sin miedo contra el capital
Comunismo Libertario, Revolución Social.


Be Drunk

You have to be always drunk. That's all there is to it--it's the
only way. So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks
your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually
drunk.
But on what?Wine, poetry or virtue, as you wish. But be
drunk.
And if sometimes, on the steps of a palace or the green grass of
a ditch, in the mournful solitude of your room, you wake again,
drunkenness already diminishing or gone, ask the wind, the wave,
the star, the bird, the clock, everything that is flying, everything
that is groaning, everything that is rolling, everything that is
singing, everything that is speaking. . .ask what time it is and
wind, wave, star, bird, clock will answer you:"It is time to be
drunk! So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, be drunk, be
continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish."

Charles Baudelaire

cg

"And if I show you my dark side
Will you still hold me tonight?
And if I open my heart to you
And show you my weak side
What would you do?
Would you sell your story to Rolling Stone?
Would you take the children away
And leave me alone?
And smile in reassurance
As you whisper down the phone?
Would you send me packing?
Or would you take me home? "
pink floyd

peace day



If you like "detaču"



ovaj blog nepostoji...

Piotr Ilytch Tchaikovsky was he the tortured soul
who poured out his immortal longings in to dignified
passages of stately music
or was he just an old poof who wrote tunes?

>>>>Monty Python

"Four legs good, Two legs bad."
George Orwell


"Religion began when the first scoundrel meet the first fool..."

Voltaire

"I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick -- not wounded -- dead."
Woody Allen

"One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all"

--- White Rabbit



mrzite me u tisini diabolis@net.hr

Alone

[Poem by Edgar Allan Poe]

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were - I have not seen
As others saw - I could not bring
My passions from a common spring
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I lov'd, I lov'd alone
Then - in my childhood - in the dawn
Of a most stormy life - was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain
From the sun that 'round me roll'd
In it's autumn tint of gold -
From the lighting in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by -
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that look the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.




Blog.hr





Anathema - J'ai Fait Une Promesse


La voie, le saule s'incline dessus du ruisseau,
Comme une personne qui se descend criant pour l'amant.
La voie le saule s'incline dessus du ruisseau,
Comme une personne qui se descend criant pour l'amant.
Me rapelle d'automne précedente, en révérence,
Je m'ai engagé, je m'ai engagé, je m'ai engagé ŕ vous
Je m'ai engagé, je m'ai engagé, I plegded myself to you.










Theme song from M*A*S*H

Suicide is Painless

Through early morning fog I see
visions of the things to be
the pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see...

that suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
I try to find a way to make
all our little joys relate
without that ever-present hate
but now I know that it's too late, and...

The game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
so this is all I have to say.

suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
I try to find a way to make
all our little joys relate
without that ever-present hate
but now I know that it's too late, and...

The only way to win is cheat
And lay it down before I'm beat
and to another give my seat
for that's the only painless feat.

suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
I try to find a way to make
all our little joys relate
without that ever-present hate
but now I know that it's too late, and...

The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but...

suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
I try to find a way to make
all our little joys relate
without that ever-present hate
but now I know that it's too late, and...

A brave man once requested me
to answer questions that are key
is it to be or not to be
and I replied 'oh why ask me?'

'Cause suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
...and you can do the same thing if you please.



You won't get HIV by:

o Having ordinary social or casual contact with someone living with HIV or AIDS
o Sharing clothing with someone who has HIV or AIDS
o Touching a person who has HIV or AIDS
o Sharing food, dishes, or eating utensils with someone living with HIV or AIDS
o Dry-kissing someone with HIV or AIDS
o Hing someone who has HIV or AIDS
o Shaking hands with someone living with HIV or AIDS
o Sitting on toilet seats
o Being bitten by an insect
o Massaging a person living with HIV or AIDS
o Using a hand to sexually stimulate a partner who has HIV or AIDS (although a risk may exist if blood, semen, or vaginal fluids come in contact with broken skin)
o Masturbating
o Touching the tears, saliva, or sweat of a person living with HIV or AIDS
o Living or working with an HIV-infected person







Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or a unique snowflake. You're the same decaying shit as everything else on this pathetic little planet.

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