ponedjeljak, 30.07.2007.
pod vrucinom ovom iscrpljujucom
pepeljasti leptir slijece na vrsak
cigarete pri kraju
dok se pitam u buci svojih misli
sto se ispod tvoga krzna zlatnog skriva
nikad znati necu
nekad se cini
samo ostaje nada
prolazna kao i vlakovi presudni,
vlakovi propusteni,
obris planina poput crnog kolaz papira
s blagim odsjajem
ostaje priljepljen na nebu izlazeceg sunca,
ostavlja oziljke
duboko urezane
ispod vlaznih kapaka trenutnog postojanja
jos jednom
In Memoriam
In the dark... in death
Eyes can't see... I cannot feel
No voices... no light... no existence
A dreamlike void surrounds me
silence... emptiness...
peace of mind... in death
In emptiness...
I focus mt thoughts on my life
In death I have the time to think of the past
Solitude...
won't break my peace of mind
Because here I must dwell eternally
In memoriam...
For the one that once was me
Entombed remains
A gravestone marks I've passed away...
(Sacred... to the memory of myself)
četvrtak, 19.07.2007.
kaos izlazi na prednja vrata
iscrpljenost nicega
bol nezanimljivosti
utapanje u opijumu
ovog nepodnosljivog svijeta
tisina goviri sve
muk neopipljivi
sveprisutan
u buci jada
sekunde zametnute su
ispod otiraca snova
ispod nepostojanja
korjenje sputava
ali pruza razvoj
dok necujno
na vrata prednja kaos izlazi
Fitter, happier, more productive,
comfortable,
not drinking too much,
regular exercise at the gym
(3 days a week),
getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries ,
at ease,
eating well
(no more microwave dinners and saturated fats),
a patient better driver,
a safer car
(baby smiling in back seat),
sleeping well
(no bad dreams),
no paranoia,
careful to all animals
(never washing spiders down the plughole),
keep in contact with old friends
(enjoy a drink now and then),
will frequently check credit at
(moral) bank (hole in the wall),
favors for favors,
fond but not in love,
charity standing orders,
on Sundays ring road supermarket
(no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants),
car wash
(also on Sundays),
no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows
nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate,
nothing so childish - at a better pace,
slower and more calculated,
no chance of escape,
now self-employed,
concerned (but powerless),
an empowered and informed member of society
(pragmatism not idealism),
will not cry in public,
less chance of illness,
tires that grip in the wet
(shot of baby strapped in back seat),
a good memory,
still cries at a good film,
still kisses with saliva,
no longer empty and frantic
like a cat
tied to a stick,
that's driven into
frozen winter shit
(the ability to laugh at weakness),
calm,
fitter,
healthier and more productive
a pig
in a cage
on antibiotics.
Sample looping in background:
[This is the Panic Office, section nine-seventeen may have been hit. Activate the following procedure.]
sjene dima
slike u glavi
tesko i grubo
prevodim
u rijeci prozirne
preko rijeke nicega
žrtvujem razum
radi ovog drustva
ovog iskustva
znajuci da je lakse
umrijeti nego zivjeti
Don McLean, Vincent 1971.
Starry, starry night.
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills,
Sketch the trees and the daffodils,
Catch the breeze and the winter chills,
In colors on the snowy linen land.
Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.
Starry, starry night.
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
Swirling clouds in violet haze,
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue.
Colors changing hue, morning fields of amber grain,
Weathered faces lined in pain,
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.
Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.
For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you.
Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in the ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.
Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will...
utorak, 17.07.2007.
ponedjeljak, 16.07.2007.
1.M-2.S-3.P-4.A, zar ste samo brojevi?
prva je bila M. , s kojom sam plesao pijan na rokicu, ljubljeci se pod suhim liscem u kasnu jesen, ostali smo neshvaceni ispod valova njenih lazi, moje naivnosti, samo je sjecanje ostalo, u ocima mojim, nestala je ona, vjecna Ona, krivnjom mojom, ostala je praznina, koju je upotpunila S., prisla mi je s ledja, u birtiji zapusenoj , frckava ljepotica, tako laka za gledati, poput andjela, tako tesko za upoznati, jos teze naci, neprocjenjivi biser, nezamjenjiva ljubav, bila je tu zime ove hladne, pruzala mi toplinu, koja je nestat morala, krivnjom mojom, prozori su ostali crni, soba mracna, okrenuo sam drugom lice, dosla je P. vesela i tuzna, razigrana i neprevidljiva, proljece je doslo, cvjetalo je sve, kao i ona, spremna voljeti, biti voljena, ali ne mene, moju licnost, moju osobnost, odgurnuo sam ju daleko od sebe koliko je i ona mene od sebe, dok veza nije uvenula, jos jedna noc spustila se, jos jedna zora izasla je... vratila se frckava ljepotica nakon slatkog sna bez moje prisutnosti, odbacio sam priliku, neznam zasto, mozda zbog straha, mozda zbog stare ljutnje, starog bjesa, a mozda zbog ljeta , zbog A. koja se usuljala poput sijene u moj zivot preko poruka dva dana prije nego sto sam pobjegao na more, na otok, na prvic, u zatvor,jedini glas razuma mi je bila, dok sam izoliran od svega bio, osim nje, sto sam trazio u njoj, nesto sto ona nije, kao sto ona u meni nije nasla ono sto je trazila, ona je otisla kao i ostale. prepustamo se mašti i ona nas unistava polagano, iznutra... sad je gotovo, predstava se nastavlja, prema negdje ide, neznam prema gdje, tako je i bolje, ali znam jednu stvar koju nikad necu pozaliti, od jesenjih do ljetnih dana volio sam...
Za proljeće zapamceno----
Za ljeto izgubljeno---------
Za jesen zaboravljenu-----
Za zimu iscekivanu---------
nedjelja, 15.07.2007.
Bill Hicks, Revelations
Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is mearly energy condensed through a slow vibration, we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, life is only a dream and we are the imaginations of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather.
petak, 13.07.2007.
different
Shot at 2007-07-13
Bob Dylan masters of war
Come you masters of war
You that build all the guns
You that build the death planes
You that build the big bombs
You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks
You that never done nothin'
But build to destroy
You play with my world
Like it's your little toy
You put a gun in my hand
And you hide from my eyes
And you turn and run farther
When the fast bullets fly
Like Judas of old
You lie and deceive
A world war can be won
You want me to believe
But I see through your eyes
And I see through your brain
Like I see through the water
That runs down my drain
You fasten the triggers
For the others to fire
Then you set back and watch
When the death count gets higher
You hide in your mansion
As young people's blood
Flows out of their bodies
And is buried in the mud
You've thrown the worst fear
That can ever be hurled
Fear to bring children
Into the world
For threatening my baby
Unborn and unnamed
You ain't worth the blood
That runs in your veins
How much do I know
To talk out of turn
You might say that I'm young
You might say I'm unlearned
But there's one thing I know
Though I'm younger than you
Even Jesus would never
Forgive what you do
Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good
Will it buy you forgiveness
Do you think that it could
I think you will find
When your death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul
And I hope that you die
And your death'll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I'll stand o'er your grave
'Til I'm sure that you're dead
nedjelja, 08.07.2007.
all is lost
muka mi je... od svega... ne pripadam nigdje, nikog nije briga za mene, a zasto bi i bilo. kao da sam nesto posebno... zar me toliko tesko zavolit? cini se da je... danas sam bio na prideu, bilo je dobro, ako zanemarimo seljacine s molotovljevim koktelima i seljacinu s bocom, na koncertu je bio dobar preformance i muzika, pohvale ostavljam... nje nema, nit je nikad vise nece bit, zelim da mi prizna svoje gadjenje prema meni, nezelim ostajat sam, cekajuci besmisleno, znam da nece doci, ako dodje, ja cu joj bit samo ubijanje vremena, nezelim to, zelim nekoga kom ce stat so mene, no, nisam nazalost netko tko moze bit voljen, ja sam ono po cemu se moze samo pljuvati, nesto sto se moze samo mrziti, nezelim vise se vracat s sjenom boli doma, zelim uzajamnu ljubav, nesto sto je robu poput mene nedostizno... previse se pitam zasto, znam odgovor, bjedan je i istinit, muka mi je i umoran sam od iste stvari, muka mi je od izolacije, muka mi je od samoce, muka mi je od neshvacenosti, od svega sto me cini osobom, od tudih plitkih misljenja o meni, od svega... samo sjedim, postojim, nista vise, nista manje, sam, ostajem, ta samoca boli, shvacanje boli, razapet ostajem...
Fragile
So many times I have brought you down
that I have already lost all count
and I seem to be doing it again
No matter how hard I have tried
I have crumbled time after time
and kept failing in the end
Sometimes it feels it would be better for you all
If I ceased to exist or was never born at all
So many times I have let you down
shadowed the shine of our sun
and drowned you in tears and misery
that it is hard for me to see
how you can after all these years
still be standing by me
Sometimes it feels it would be better for us all
If I ceased to exist or was never born at all
Sometimes it feels it would be easier to fall
than to flutter in the air with these wings so weak and torn
subota, 07.07.2007.
Billy Joel › Piano Man
Its nine oclock on a saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
Theres an old man sitting next to me
Makin love to his tonic and gin
He says, son, can you play me a memory?
Im not really sure how it goes
But its sad and its sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger mans clothes
La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da
Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, were all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright
Now john at the bar is a friend of mine
He gets me my drinks for free
And hes quick with a joke or to light up your smoke
But theres someplace that hed rather be
He says, bill, I believe this is killing me.
As the smile ran away from his face
Well Im sure that I could be a movie star
If I could get out of this place
Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da
Sing us a song, youre the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, were all in the mood for a melody
And youve got us feelin alright
Now paul is a real estate novelist
Who never had time for a wife
And hes talkin with davy whos still in the navy
And probably will be for life
And the waitress is practicing politics
As the businessmen slowly get stoned
Yes, theyre sharing a drink they call loneliness
But its better than drinkin alone
Sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, were all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feeling alright
Its a pretty good crowd for a saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
cause he knows that its me they've been comin to see
To forget about life for a while
And the piano, it sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say, man, what are you doin here?
Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da
petak, 06.07.2007.
-------------------------------------------
negdje duboko u jami iskopanoj
prstima izguljenim od znoja i krvi
stoji pogrbljena tisina
novopecene lazi izgovarajuci
velicanstvenu mrezu plitkih vizija krojeci
samo prazne suze ispustajuci
Anathema - Sleepless
And I often sigh
I often wonder why
I'm still here and I still cry
And I often cry
I often spill a tear
Over those not here
But still they are so near
Please ease my burden
And I still remember
A memory and I weep
In my broken sleep
The scars they cut so deep
Please ease my burden
Please ease my pain
Surely without war there would be no loss
Hence no mourning, no grief, no pain, no misery
No sleepless nights missing the dead... Oh, no more
No more war
lutajuci izgubljeno po mrtvom polju
slusajuci zujanje komaraca
trazeci slavu nedostiznu
zivi monumenti depresije postaju
dok njihova blijeda cast nestaje
otkucajem kobnog sata ponoci
--------------------------------------------
klececi pod kisom izgarajucom
ispustam suplje zvukove jada
cujem njezin pjev na polju agonije
polje koje sam toliko uzgajao
za koje sam se toliko brinuo
dok san me zove saptajuci mi u uho
ovaj svijet nije za tebe
neprekidna patnja tvoja gorka
polagano poprima slatkast okus
u prokletim ustima njenim
-------------------------------------------
put prema ocaju zagubljen je
prekriven granama i liscem
no uvijek ga nekako iskopam
i nastavljam svojom rijekom
utapajuci se...
Sentenced - The River
Yet another morning
that feels like this
Yet another life's bitter kiss
It has been like this for I don't know how long
I only know that at some point
it all went wrong
I don't remember much from last night
but still far more than I would like to
I'm floating downstream that damned river again
What can I do now except continue
and open a bottle once more
What can I do now except see this through
and float with the stream, off the shore
- see where the river will take me
When I needed you, you weren't there
now I need booze like I need the air that I breathe
With each drink I'm drifting further away from your world
the further off I get the harder it will be to return
It has been like this for I don't know how long
I only know that at some point
it all went wrong
Floating downstream that damned river again
The river that's distilled from premium grain
What can I do now except continue
and open a bottle once more
What can I do now except see this through
and float with the stream, off the shore
- see where the river will take me
- see where the river will take me
bu-fucking-hu another worthless sack of shit
srijeda, 04.07.2007.
- magla - nista vise - it sounds awful
--------------------------------
Life? don't talk to me about life...
-nobody even mentioned it.
----------------------------------
No never again
No never again
I'll never trust no one again,
No never again
No never again
I'll never trust
Vjerovati, daaaa,
to je ono sto zele,
nikad vise,
ne nikad vise.
------------------------------------
I hate wet paper bags
------------------------------------
bajkovita nevinost
ili sirova glupost?
------------------------------------
and nobody fixed the diodes down his left side, so he passed...
moram spavat...
Untitled
yes I am there...
"Can we end this mind fuck please, your treachery's beyond belief
must you bring us to our knees with your psychopathic tendencies?
Please be gone and rest assured I see you as you are, perverse
with all your lies and empty words- I fear for you there is no cure."
mehanizirani pokreti ruke
planirani napad na nevinost
jedim pokretom ruke
jednim otkucajem naftnog srca
she just entered....
i see the contact...
nastavlja mlatiti
pumpati
zastite popustaju
metalna pluca popustaju
prsa hrdjava pucaju...
we lost the contact...
---nakljukani mehanicki majmuni---
utorak, 03.07.2007.
igra je gotova
svijetlo se stanjuje
zavezan za stolicu, grubu
ostajem,
u mraku
sam
u tisini
blijedim
nestajem...
ponedjeljak, 02.07.2007.
ogledala
jos uvjek cujem plac svog djeteta mrtvog...
jos uvjek cujem tisinu svjece ugasene ...
jos uvjek cujem odzvanjanje pecata smrti njegove ...
jos uvjek cujem kako na grobu njegovom korov raste...
jos uvjek cujem njegovo jecanje u noci...
jos uvjek cujem svoju zakrzljalu nadu kako se moli ...
kroz uzasni mrak i prokletu vjecnost,
jos uvjek cujem...
Suze vase isusene duse ,trulog uma vriste u bestijalno ime mrtvog kaosa, u ime beskorisnog rodjenja osamljenog srca u ledenoj pustinji,rodjenog iz ugasenog plamena, rodjenog da bude sam. Ostrice valova snova tiho mu sapucu ,ono sto vec zna, ono od cega bjezi,da sve sto je ikad osjecao sada vise ne osjeca, okrece se prema vasim povrsnim praznim ocima, pozdravlja vas s malim bjednim ““zbogom““ ,odlazi velicanstveno u svoju propast, odlazi zastrasujuce u svoje spasenje...
