Pokusaji.


U neuspjesnim pokusajima za pronalazak inspiracije za ucenje, zagledala sam se u davna izgubljena sjecanja. Koliko je vremena proslo otkad sam prosli put kao dijete setala livadom, brinula samo o tome kako cu naci najljepse cvijece za mamin buket. Koliko je vremena proslo kad sam se bezbrizno igrala u pijesku, bojala mraka i padala po sljunku noseci prijateljima bombone u prilicno nespretnim papucama. Ali rane nisu bile vazne. Zacijelile bi, a i ja uzivajuci u bombonima i prijateljima. Bilo je lijepo biti dijete. Razigrano, pomalo divlje, ali samouvjereno. Sposobno i ambiciozno.
Puno se odonda promijenilo. Vise ne setam bezbrizno livadom... Niti rane zacjeljuju tako brzo. Nisam vise ni samouvjerena, ni ambiciozna. Tada sam znala sto hocu. Mislila sam i da sada znam. Ali shvatila sam da ne znam. Shvatila sam da ne znam sto hocu od zivota. A i da imam odreden cilj, jesam li ga sposobna ostvariti? Zelim mnogo toga, ali ne pronalazim sredstva kojima bih to realizirala. Trebam nesto da me potakne, da mi da vjeru u buducnost, ali prvenstveno u mene samu. Izgubila sam je negdje putem i ne mogu je naci. Jeste li je mozda vidjeli? Izgledala je ko stara, izderana papuca... Mozda ju je uzela maca papucarica. I mozda mi je jednom vrati, onako novu i pokrpanu. Tada cu uspjeti. Nadam se. Tada me nitko nece sputavati. Pa ni ja samu sebe. Znat cu sto zelim, ali i kako to isto i postici. Necu se gubiti, necu padati, necu pokleknuti. Ici cu naprijed, vodena ciljem. Tada cu opet biti ono isto dijete. Stetat cu livadom i uzivati u zivotu. Kad postignem ono sto zelim, sve rane, sva patnja i bol nestat ce. I ja cu biti ja. Bit cu ono sto sam oduvijek zeljela biti. Ono sto sam zapravo oduvijek bila, samo to nisam primjecivala. Sada shvacam. Ja, ali i svi mi imamo u sebi ono sto smo bili, sto jesmo i sto cemo biti. Svaki trenutak naseg zivota, gradi nas i cini onakvima kakvi zapravo i jesmo. Sve sto se dogodilo, dogodilo se s razlogom. I jednog dana, kad nam se cijeli zivot izvrti pred ocima, shvatit cemo to. Tada necemo zaliti ni za onim sto jesmo, ni za onim sto nismo ucinili. Tada cemo shvatiti da je sve sto smo mislili da su pogreske, bile sastavni i neizbjezni dio naseg zivota. Znate, neke nam se stvari cine teskima, neizvedivima, nemogucima. No, nista nije nemoguce. S vjerom u sebe svaki problem je rjesiv. I onaj test iz kemije, i onaj upis na fax, i ona ljubavna svada. Sve se da ispraviti, promijeniti i urediti onako kako smo to uvijek zeljeli. Samo trebamo sami sa sobom razrijesiti sto je problem i suprotstaviti mu se, a ne prepustiti. Ponekad se necega trebamo odreci, i makar to odmah ne shvacamo, kasnije uvidamo da je to bila ispravna odluka.
Zivot nam daje izbor. Mozda i izaberemo krivi put, ali ako imamo cilj, kad tad vratit cemo se na pravi put i stici do cilja. A ti povremeni padovi bit ce samo poticaj da krenemo jace i brze naprijed te da iduci put pazljivije biramo. Znam da cemo svi kad tad pronaci ono sto trazimo. Nekima ce trebati dulje, nekima ce biti teze. No, svi cemo vidjeti to svjetlo na kraju tunela. Svi cemo pronaci ono sto je najbolje za nas bez obzira sto drugi o tome mislili. Jer, na kraju, najvaznije je sto mi sami mislimo i odlucimo. To nas cini ljudima, to nas cini covjekom, individuom koja je posebna i koja mora samu sebe ostvariti. Uspjet cemo. Znam da hocemo. Vidi, ovaj put iza ugla vodi do mace papucarice... :D


13.10.2007. | 12:29 | The verse in the rain... | 9 | Drum it all away... |

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Ireth






Neshvatljiva.
Nasmijana.
Voli Silent mana.
Puni mjesec.
Zvijezde.
Prave prijatelje.
A cak i one koji se takvima prave.
Voli vjestice.
Telepatiju.
Dobre knjige.
Iskren razgovor.
Ne prodaje nasmjesenog psa.
I remember you.
Ljubicasto.
Sivo.
I crno posebno.
Trzalicu.
Kaktuse.
Zagrljaje.
Osmjehe.
Brijeg.
Zloduha nastranosti.
Psihologiju.
Narukvice.
Kavu.
Karte.
Svoju sobu.
Svijece.
Crtati.
Zeljeti.
Sanjati.
Pjevati.

Voli voljeti.



Led Zeppelin
Ten Years Gone


Then as it was, then again it will be
An’ though the course may change sometimes
Rivers always reach the sea
Blind stars of fortune, each have several rays
On the wings of maybe, down in birds of prey
Kind of makes me feel sometimes, didn’t have to grow
But as the eagle leaves the nest, it’s got so far to go

Changes fill my time, baby, that’s alright with me
In the midst I think of you, and how it used to be

Did you ever really need somebody, and really need ’em bad
Did you ever really want somebody, the best love you ever had
Do you ever remember me, baby, did it feel so good
’cause it was just the first time, and you knew you would

Through the eyes an’ I sparkle, senses growing keen
Taste your love along the way, see your feathers preen
Kind of makes makes me feel sometimes, didn’t have to grow
We are eagles of one nest, the nest is in our soul

Vixen in my dreams, with great surprise to me
Never thought I’d see your face the way it used to be
Oh darlin’, oh darlin’

I’m never gonna leave you. I never gonna leave
Holdin’ on, ten years gone
Ten years gone, holdin’ on, ten years gone


Pearl Jam
Black


Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
were laid spread out before me as her body once did
all five horizons revolved around her soul
as the earth to the sun
now the air i tasted and breathed has taken a turn
and all i taught her was everything
i know she gave me all that she wore
and now my bitter hands shake beneath the clouds
of what was everything?
all the pictures had all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
i take a walk outside, i'm surrounded by some kids at play
i can feel their laughter, so why do i sear
and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
i'm spinning, oh, i'm spinning
how quick the sun can, drop away
and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
of what was everything?
all the pictures had all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
all the love gone bad, turned my world to black
tattooed all i see, all that i am, all i'll ever be...
i know someday you'll have a beautiful life, i know you'll be a star
in somebody else's sky, but why
why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine?


Dokken
Alone Again


I'd like to see you in the morning light
I like to feel you when it comes to night
Now i'm here and i'm all alone
Still i know how it feels, i'm alone again

Tried so hard to make you see
But i couldn't find the words
Now the tears, they fall like rain
I'm alone again without you
Alone again without you
Alone again without you

I said stay, but you turned away
Tried to say that it was me
Now i'm here and i've lost my way
Still i know how it feels, i'm alone again

Tried so hard to make you see
But i couldn't find the words
Now the tears, they fall like rain
I'm alone again without you

I tried so hard to make you see
But i couldn't find the words
Now the tears, they fall like rain
I'm alone again without you

Iced Earth
Question of Heaven


The time is close now, the end is near
My walk through the valley, trails of fear
I feel empty, my penance overdue,
I guess it's too late now to be with you
I'm extremely frightened of what will surely be
I sold myself, the death of me
I know you can't forgive me I know I'm on my own,
I've betrayed you I walk alone

What exactly is the meaning of this
Just pawns in your twisted game
Severe pain for the lie I'm livin'
For a love I never could betray

Question me not say the lord unto thee
You have chosen your own fate and your own destiny
Denied of this life is what you are to be
You have chosen your own fate and your own destiny

Lord I pound my fists at you
Won't you just let me die
Would I not suffer enough
No inner peace no after life

I did what I thought was right
All for the love of my life
I know it's sad but true
Something is very wrong
Condemned to suffer so long
For a love so true

The question that lies within
Is so hard to understand
It still tears at me
And in my dying breath
My heart holds no regrets
I wouldn't change a thing

My spirit begins to rise into the heavenly skies
Just to be shunned away by you
Now all I want is to die, no streets of gold in the sky
And I wash my hands of you


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