Woooo Hoooo still is Woooo Hoooo

Ovo je za sve one koji razumiju engleski, a vi ostali RETARDI ne ciotajte.

do slusanja.

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.

6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.

7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.

8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.

9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.

10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.

12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.

13. Enter the lab and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.

14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.

15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Start screaming tat the top of your lungs the you need this disk now. Keep screamin until someone givew you one. Then, quickly pull a disk out of your pocket and say: "Oops, I forgot. I already have one. Nevermind."

16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Oh please oh please oh please oh please," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.

17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"

18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).

19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.

20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.

21. Draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Start taling to it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly
that women (men) are worthless.

22. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.

23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.

24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when its all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.

25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.

26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to grinding. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.

27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.

28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.

29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. E sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.

30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.

31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.

32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.

33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.

34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.

35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching and saying, "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard and taking it.

36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.

37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.

38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.

39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of yourneighbor's document. Then, suddenly e: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.

40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)

41. Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.

42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.

43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.

44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hang up before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.

45. Bring a small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.

46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.

47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily and e, "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.

48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.

49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say "Give me thatcomputer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next week".

50. Walk into the lab and scream at the top of your lungs for an hour (feel free to scream about anything), then look at everyone and say, "I feel better now. Bye," and

pa kad me mrze hercegovci, zagrebcani pederi neka, mogu i ovi ^_^


- Ne mogu do vozačke ako mi ne pridržite pivo.

- Oprostite, nisam primijetio da mi je detektor radara bio isključen.

- Hey, pa sigurno ste vozili jako brzo kako bi me dostigli! Bravo!

- Mislio sam da se mora biti u dobrom fizičkom stanju da bi bio policajac.

- Ja sam namjeravao biti policajac, ali sam ipak odlučio završiti srednju školu.

- Zločesti policajac! Nema krafne!

- Nećete valjda provjeravati prtljažnik?

- Ajme, ta trbušina sigurno ne ulijeva povjerenje.

- Nisu li Vas premlatili u "Plavcima"?

- Izgledate baš kao i tip na slici na noćnom ormariću kod moje ljubavnice.

- I, hm, primate li mito, ili šta?

- Pa, ovo je super! I policajac prije Vas me je samo upozorio!

- Jel' Vi znate zašto ste me zaustavili? OK, glavno da bar jedan od nas zna.

- Pokušavao sam pratiti ostale. Da, znam da nema drugih autiju na cesti-toliko su ispred mene

- Kako to mislite "Jesam li pio?" Pa Vi ste istrenirani stručnjak.

- Pa, kad sam se sagnuo da dignem torbu s crackom, pištolj mi je pao s krila i zaglavio se između kočnice
i gasa, zbog čega sam izgubio kontrolu.

- Možete li opet na meni izvesti onu pretragu svih tjelesnih otvora?

Dva gay-a vode ljubav. U jednom trenutku, onaj koji je "iza" kaže:
- Znaš, moram ti se povjeriti da imam sidu.
Drugi, sav uplašen:
- Kakkkoo?
- Ma samo sam se šalio. Sviđa mi se kada od straha stisneš guzu.

U cirkusku arenu uđe famozni ukrotitelj vodeći krokodila na uzici:
- Danas ćete, dame i gospodo, prisustvovati neviđenoj atrakciji. Stavit ću penis u usta ovoga krokodila.
Ukrotitelj otkopča hlače, izvadi penis i stavi ga u otvorena usta krokodila. Cirkusom s razliježe pljesak.
- Trenutak gospodo, još nije gotovo.
I počne udarati krokodila po glavi. Krokodil ostane nepomičan s otvorenim ustima i proliježe se strahovit pljesak iz publike.
- Kako ste vidjeli, točka je savršeno uspijela. A sada... da li ima neko iz publike tko bi htio probati.
Digne se jedan mladić iz prvog reda i sa piskutavim glasom reče:
- Ja, ali uz uvjet da me ne udarate po glavi.

- Koji su prvi simptomi SIDE?
- Vlažan zadah za vratom i bol u guzici.

- Koji je uzročnik SIDE?
- Sterptokok! Ja te KOKOM, a ti STREPIŠ.

- Grupa spermića maršira: jedan, dva, jedan, dva... Iznenada prvi spermić se zaustavi i vikne:
- Stanite! Izdaja! Guzica!

Vozio kamiondžija putem, i naiđe na redovnicu - autostopericu. Poveze je i, naravno, kada su se približili cilju, kaže joj on da mora naplatiti vožnju. Na to će redovnica:
- Ne dolazi u obzir, ja sam se zaklela da se neću jebati i gotovo.
- A jesi li se, - pita kamiondžija, - zaklela da se nećeš jebati u dupe?
- Nisam, - odgovori redovnica - poslije kraćeg razmišljanja.
- Eto vidiš, - kaže kamiondžija, - odvede je u šumu i završi posao.
Zakopčavajući hlače, kamiondžija se vraća prema kolima i zadovoljno mrmlja:
- Al' smo mi šoferi vješti.
A redovnica će na to:
- A tek mi pederi!

Došao peder u kafić i naruči:
- Molim vas jedan "pepsić".
- Nemoj da ti ja taj pepsić gurnem u dupe! - odvrati konobar.
- Onda može cijela gajba.

Dolazi peder u mesnicu i traži kilogram srijemske kobasice.
- Da narežem? - upita mesar.
- Pobogu, čovječe, - reče peder - zar vi mislite da je moja guza džuboks?

Mačevala se dva pedera bananama. Jedan od njih dvojice izbije drugome bananu iz ruke, a ovaj se okrene, sagne i reče:
- Ah, pobijedio si! Sada me možeš probosti.

Razgovaraju dva pedera:
- Jao što sam imao flert.
- Ma što mi kažeš. A gdje?
- Pa dole u Starom gradu.
- Ijuuu, pričaj kako je bilo.
A ovaj drugi se nakašlja, napravi dva tri uvijanja "rukicom" kroz zrak, pa kaže:
- Vidim ja, namjestio se kraj jedne kapije neki tip, i čudno me gleda dok prelazim ulicu. Priđem mu, par riječi, i on mi ga pokaza . Kad ono patka od 35 centimetara.
- Ih ,Ih, sav se ovlažih.
- Ali imao je jednu manu; bio je jako skup, a naplaćivao je po centimetru.
- Ali vrijedi!!! Svaka uložena para ti se višestruko vrati.
- Potpuno se slažem s tobom, ali ja nisam imao para za više od deset centimetara.
- Ijao!!! Tragedija! Pa što si uradio?
- Pa pošto nije imao posla, pristane on da koristim samo prvih 10 cm.
Uđemo ti mi u onaj prolaz, on se oslonio na kapiju i počeo sam mu cuclati.
- Uffff. I?
- Ma mani me, samo što smo krenuli, neki luđak pokušao je uči unutra, gurnuo je onu kapiju, i ja ti se zadužih do guše.

Bila tri prijatelja: pijanica, pušač i peder. Ukaza im se jednom Bog i reče prvo pijanici:
- Ako još jednom popiješ i gutljaj alkohola odmah ideš u pakao.
- Što se tebi tiče; (obrati se pušaču) ako povučeš ma i jedan dim odmah ideš u pakao.
- A što se tebe tiče; (obrati se pederu) ako se još jednom budeš jebao u dupe odmah ideš u pakao.
Ode Bog. Pijanica će odmah poslije toga:
- Ma što mene briga za njega, ni'ko meni ne može zabraniti da pijem! Uzme bocu i cugne, te odmah padne mrtav. Dok ja padao, ispadne mu iz džepa kutija cigara.
Peder će pušaču:
- Ne saginji se, majke ti, inače obojica ginemo!!!!

Sjedi peder na obali Dunava i stenje. Naiđe policajac i pita ga:
- Što to radiš čovječe?
- Hladim kurac u Savi.
- Ali ovo nije Sava, ovo je Dunav!!
Na to se peder sagne prema vodi i kaže:
- Savo izroni, i pokaži gospodinu policajcu osobnu.

Došao peder na benzinsku crpku i uzeo crijevo od dizela, te si ga stavio otraga u guzicu. Prilaz mu radnik na crpki i veli mu:
- To vam je dizel.
A peder mu odgovara:
- Neka, meni je SUPER!

nisan pisa od lita prosle godine pa san eto svratija samo da mi ne ukinu blog, vidin i counter mi je presta brojat tako da san stvarno zapusten ... ^_^

evo poseban post seki moje cure. btw cuz she's from bosnia and herceGOVN ij A

P: Kada Hercegovac nosi crne carape ?
O: Kad je na tajnom zadatku.

P: Sta Hercegovac dobije kad se rodi ?
O: Plan Zagreba ispod jastuka.

P: Kakav je Hercegovac kada se posere?
O: Izvan sebe.

P: Kakav je Hercegovac kada ugazi u govno?
O: Svoj na svome.

P: Kakav je Hercegovac kada ne sere sedam dana?
O: Pun sebe.

Tri najgore kletve Hercegovcu su:
1. Dabogda ti dijete ne vidjelo Zagreba!
2. Dabogda ti mobitel imao dvojnika!
3. Dabogda ti zena oprala carape sa sarenim rubljem!

Zasto Hercegovac i Zagrebcanin idu zajedno u općinu?
Zagrebcanin zna gdje je opcina, a Hercegovac sve u općini.

P: Zasto ce u buducnosti raditi uske mercedese ?
O: Zato da Hercegovci mogu oba lakta drzati na prozoru.

P: Tko je najsiromasniji Hercegovac?
O: Onaj koji sam pere auto.

P: Zašto Hercegovce pokopvaju u lijesove s rupama?
O: Da crvi mogu povracati kroz njih.

P: Kako ces prepoznati Hercegovca?
O: Lako! Naprijed ima grude, pozadi siroki brijeg a u glavi posusje!

P: Kad Hercegovac pere ruke, prije ili poslje pisanja?
O: Za vrijeme pisanja

P: Znate li sta je to: Hercegovac,Hercegovac,Hercegovac...
O: DRVORED !!

P: Kako HERCEGOVAC muci muhu?
O: Stavi je u teglu, poklopi poklopac, i jede govno ispred nje..

P: Kad Hercegovka nosi smece ?
O: Kad je trudna.

P: Zasto tvornica carapa Zagreb proizvodi bijele carape s crnom tackom.
O: Da Hercegovci znaju, kad se tacka ne vidi da treba oprati carape!

P: Zasto Hercegovci ne vole Papu ?
O1: Zato jer ima vecu kucu od svakog od njih.
O2: Zato jer ima mercedes na sprat.
O3: Zato jer je cijeli u bijelom.

P: Kako bi izgledao Zagreb da Hercegovcima svijetle oci?
O: Kao Las Vegas!

P: Koja je razlika izmedju Hercegovca i toalet - papira?
O: Nikakva, povuces jednog idu svi!

P: Sto Hercegovac nosi na svecani dan?
O: Svecanu trenerku.

P:Kako prepoznati Hercegovca pedera?
O:Nosi bijele hulahopke.

P: Sta je vrhunac bjede u Zapadnoj Hercegovini?
O: Kada skutoru rodi duvan a zena mu pusi komsijin

P: Zasto Hercegovac ne smije ici bos kroz sumu
O: Da se ne primi

P: Sto je razlika izmedju Hercegovca i raka?
O: Rak moze biti dobrocudan!


ncncncnc a mkoja nato, je te ja nahvali pa to nisu istine..... ^_^
a mojoj marini ovo ne ide ona je iznimka :-----
blaaaaa