60

26.06.2012.

Over and out.
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Another hopeless romantic

25.06.2012.

Neda mi se učiti, pa sam eto odlučila malo gubiti ovako vrijeme.
Oduvijek tražim nekakav recept, slijed događaja ili misli koji bi rezultirali motivacijom za učenje. Nemam osjećaj ni da sam mu blizu. Katkad treba sjesti i samo početi raditi, ali to i je najgori dio - početi. Makar katkad ni to nije dovoljno, katkad, a kod mene i često, mozak mi je toliko zaokupljen drugim stvarima da mu ne pada napamet koncentrirati se na papire pred sobom i onda kad shvatim da niti učim niti slobodno slijedim tok svojih misli prekidajući ga sa učestalim: "Koncentriraj se!" jednostavno odustanem.
Danas mi misli zaokuplja dečko. Još jedan od onih u nizu. Ali ovaj je zbilja bio pun pogodak. 19-ogodišnji Britanac, visok, plav, plavook, medicinar, profinjen i vrlo sposoban. :P Volim razmišljati o svim tim dečkima i sitnicama vezanim uz njih i vremenu provedenom s njima. Ali, još uvijek ne dolazim do zaključka da li oni, ta sjećanja i te noći imaju dobar ili loš utjecaj na mene. Naravno, mislim na neki dublji, jer onaj plići - taj definitivno nije loš.

I know you've been hurt by someone else
I can tell by the way you carry yourself.
If you let me, here's what I'll do
I'll take care of you
I've loved and I've lost.

I've asked about you and they've told me things
but my mind didn't change
I still the feel the same
what's a life with no fun, please don't be so ashamed
I've had mine, you've had yours we both know, we know.
They don't get you like I will
my only wish is I die real
cause that truth hurts, and those lies heal
and you can't sleep thinking that he lies still
so you cry still, tears all in the pillow case,
big girls all get a little taste
pushing me away so I give her space
dealing with a heart that I didn't break.
I'll be there for you, I will care for you
I keep thinking you, just don't know
try to run from that, say you're done with that
on your face girl, it just don't show.
When you're ready, just say you're ready
when all the baggage just ain't as heavy
and the parties over, just don't forget me
we'll change the pace and we'll just go slow.
You won't ever have to worry,
you won't ever have to hide,
you've seen all my mistakes,
so look me in my eyes.

'Cause if you let me, here's what I'll do
I'll take care of you
I've loved and i've lost.


Photobucket

It's my birthday, I'll get high if I want to
can't deny that I want you, but I'll lie if have to
cause you don't say you love me
to your friends when they ask you
even though we both know that you do.
One time, been in love one time
you and all your girls in the club one time
all so convinced that you're following your heart
cause your mind don't control what it does sometimes.
We all have our nights though, don't be so ashamed
I've had mine, you've had yours, we both know, we know.
You hate being alone
you ain't the only one
you hate the fact that you bought the dream
and they sold you one
you love your friends but somebody shoulda told you somin',
to save you, instead he said;

don't a-ha-ha-ha-ha,
tell me a-ha-ha-ha-ha,
I don't care a-ha-ha-ha-ha,
If you're hurt a-ha-ha-ha-ha.
I won't a-ha-ha-ha-ha,
tell you a-ha-ha-ha-ha,
you don't care a-ha-ha-ha-ha,
if you're true a-ha-ha-ha-ha

I know you've been hurt by someone else
I can tell by the way you carry yourself
if you let me, here's what I'll do
I'll take care of you
I've loved and I've lost.


Nekad se zbilja osjećam depresivno, a ne mogu razumijeti zašto. Jer u neku ruku bila sam takva i prije, nije ta depresija nešto novo, ona je postojala i prije svih tih dečki, znam za nju otkad znam za sebe u nekom zrelijem obliku. Tako da nemam osjećaj da ovaj moj novi 'običaj' po klubovima ima utjecaj na to moje psihičko stanje.
Sjebana sam kao što sam oduvijek bila. U neželjenoj i već uistinu napornoj potrazi za nekim normalnim likom i nečim ozbiljnijim, a bez nje kao da ne mogu. Ne bi me smetala da postoji samo kao stav: da, želim ozbiljnu, čvrstu vezu s nekime, ali ona usitinu je potraga - svakodnevna. I nažalost - ne gubim nadu. A imala sam i imam toliko razloga za njezino nepostojanje.

Hopeless romantic, that's what I am!
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