Rose Madder

23.09.2005., petak

the real world

the real world doesn't really exist
nothing is real here
or so I wish

dreams seem so much more tangible
so wonderful
so managable

in them I'm wonderful
decisive
loveable
...normal

the moment betwen the two is such a struggle
trying to remain beautiful and sain
but still pushed into the world of my madness

waking up...

all of the pictures are still the same
all of my demons sit and wait for me to embrace them
to ravish them
and I do
not able to resist
to say no
to help myself

I do it again and again
hurting my body and soul
destroying whatever remained of my true self
killing myself one day at a time

don't wake me up anymore
please don't

- 14:45 - Komentari (24) - Isprintaj - #

18.09.2005., nedjelja

the dark and grey sky
reflecting my soul

holding my breath...

winds blowing aimlessly
reflecting my anger

holding my breath...

voices screaming in vain
reflecting my madness

holding my breath...

forbidden things offering relief
reflecting my struggle

holding my breath...

my vampire within my reach
reflecting my weakness

release...

- 15:48 - Komentari (17) - Isprintaj - #

15.09.2005., četvrtak

searching my soul
like a blind man feeling his way through a room

bumping into things which scare me because I don't know what they are
feeling only their shapes
their sharp edges

the more I try
the harder I hit the wall
the wall that cannot be torn down
but still I try

always someone offering help
but I refuse
not wanting anyone to hold my hand
to guide me

always by myself
even in a crowd of people
even with my closest friends
just me

alone

you say you know me
or how much alike we are
I just smile
sometimes agree
and dismiss you at the same instant

how can we be the same
or even similar
me a nonentity
you a human being

my numerous personalities
experiences
achievements

and it all still amounts to nothingness

- 16:11 - Komentari (9) - Isprintaj - #

13.09.2005., utorak

plesase don't do that
don't put yourself down so

shouldn't this be beneath you?
aren't you a person much more discerning?

you have always looked deeper inside
and now you stay on the surface

you have fallen for the cheapest trick of them all
and still you remain blind

you overstate and exaggerate
putting on an unfamiliar face

your words don't reveal you anymore
they are simply not your own

this cannot last
or the most terrible thing will happen....

I'll have to admit I've misjudged you

- 19:25 - Komentari (13) - Isprintaj - #

11.09.2005., nedjelja

mesmerize

one turn of the wheel

mesmerize

one drop of blood

mesmerize

one single tear

mesmerize

a twisted path

mesmerize

a forgotten journey

mesmerize

a broken mind

...

finding some form of freedom when you're only a humble slave

trying to break free from yourself

to run

to feel the wind

...

stop making myself ache?
I wont' even bother
I love to see my soul vanish...ever so slowly

- 23:43 - Komentari (7) - Isprintaj - #

10.09.2005., subota

yet another night
sleep still evades me

gazin at the forming shadows
grabbing them
only to see them slip through my fingers

just like you

your dreams pull me under
filled with soothing voices of nature

your sweet dreams are my nightmares

I try not to see them
not to feel them
but I do

my voice inside your head
your voice in mine
my biggest burden

love cannot overcome all
not the paralyzing fear that still defines us

Why are we loved the most when we leave?

- 14:35 - Komentari (15) - Isprintaj - #

09.09.2005., petak

please god

if you're there
please hear me

bring him back to me

raise him from the dead

I know you can

I cannot exist like this
so many faces
so many voices

all of them vague and so trivial

I long for the person I once was
I miss myself

what I am now...
this is not a person
not a human being

just some broken object
that can never be put back together

there are just some small pieces of me left...
and they are dying slowly with each passing day
with each passing heartbreak
shattering

no one else can be my light
so please god...
do the impossible

make him live again

- 16:01 - Komentari (6) - Isprintaj - #

07.09.2005., srijeda

little green pill

offering shelter
the shelter being a hazy mind

so tempting
so dangerous

so comforting
so familiar

making you want to curl up and ride it
ride the waves of the unreal existence

simply being somewhere else
someone else...

can you be strong enough to fight the need?

can you be strong enough to just be yourself?

- 23:53 - Komentari (5) - Isprintaj - #

u nedostatku vlastitih riječi

pošto večeras nemam snage za svoje riječi neka tracy govori umjesto mene...

You can close your eyes
And see a picture perfect life
Inside of your mind
Dreaming only of the days ahead
Wanted and wished for more than now
Or the days behind
You waste your time

The picture makes a promise
The flesh lets it be broken
The picture makes a promise
The flesh lets it be broken

You can never think
You can’t even stop yourself
Before the words have been spoken
And you’ve already said
You would give everything
And something for nothing
Everybody thinks you’re joking

The picture makes a promise
The flesh lets it be broken
The picture makes a promise
The flesh lets it be broken

You want to be the one
Made over be your own
Before and after
And a supermarket
Beauty in a bottle queen
Who’ll one day grace a check-out counter
Magazine front cover
Though the fine print reads

The picture makes a promise
The flesh lets it be broken
The picture makes a promise
The flesh lets it be broken

When your life is never what you wanted
Not even halfway normal
Just tarnished and soiled
When in your reach
A framed and frozen moment
So far from perfection
Not truth or transcendence
Will set you free
Still you don’t believe

The picture makes a promise
The flesh lets it be broken
The picture makes a promise
The flesh lets it be broken

- 01:02 - Komentari (4) - Isprintaj - #

04.09.2005., nedjelja

an angel

wings broken so long ago
she doesn't even remeber what they felt like

waiting for someone to take her home
where ever that may be

waiting for someone to say her name
to remind her she has one

looking around her
every place looks the same
every soul looks the same

...

death passes by her
offering sweet dreams
an escape from reality so gruesome and unknown

but she cannot die
not yet
not until she can be defined

not without some purpose

so time passes
and she sits still
waiting

- 23:33 - Komentari (11) - Isprintaj - #

03.09.2005., subota

stream of thoughts

be still
or they will see you

hide with me
don't breathe

...

my soul can hurt you
can you take that risk

you can't really touch me

I'm too distant
far too proud

body of ice
soul of fire

one tearing the other apart

...

look in the mirror
you might see me

- 18:58 - Komentari (7) - Isprintaj - #

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opis bloga

She sits in the corner, trying to draw air out of a room which seemed to have plenty just a few minutes ago and now seems to have none.

čita se...

Lyrics

There's so many different worlds
So many different suns
And we have just one world
But we live in different ones

Standing by the window
Eyes upon the moon
Hoping that the memory will leave her spirit soon
She shuts the doors and lights
And lays her body on the bed
Where images and words are running deep
She has too much pride to pull the sheets above her head
So quietly she lays and waits for sleep

Uhvati me čvrsto i ne popušta.
Lud je za tišinom, to ne propušta.
Vodi me u svoj plavičasti dom.

Jedan d-moll me razvali,
neki bi to prosto tugom nazvali.
Nije to...šta je tuga za d-moll?

My spirit begins to rise to the heavenly skies
Just to be shunned away by you
Now all I want is to die, no streets of gold in the sky
And I wash my hands of you