Ptitchitza u niskom letu

Every day

"Every day I spend in this room, I become softer and the Charlie becomes stronger.", said Martin Sheen, in his leading role in the one of the best films and most relevant to me, The Apocalypse Now.

"Everybody gets what he wants", Capt. Willard said. "I wanted a mission. And for my sins, they gave me one. It came delivered, like a room service."

In a documentary about making of Apocalypse Now, a huge production riddled with problems of every kind, the most trialing time in the carriere of Francis Ford Coppola, "Hearts of Darkness - A filmmaker's Apocalypse", after he replaced Harvey Keitel (and effectively banned him from Hollywood for decades, renegating him to B production and European movies) with Charlie Sheen, his new leading role cast -- well in the production -- suffered a heart-attack. "I was 36, very troubled, smoking three packs of cigarettes every day... Basically, not a healthy guy." Like myself, only five years older. "It became clear to me, after the heart-attack" (when he managed to crawl to the road and be picked up by a public transport in the Phillipines and eventually made it to hospital) "that it was my choice: if I wanted to die, I would die, if I wanted to live, I'd survive." He seems to have done rather well since then, since 1976.

"There's no way of telling a story of Col. Curtz without telling my own.", capt. Willard said before being briefed about his mission to "terminate the Colonel", a brilliant military officer and a humanitarian, "whose methods have become... unsound.", who went "insane". An officer who realised the entire perversity of the war and it's necessity, not unlike me realising but not accepting the truth about the U.N.

Capt. Willard: "They were going to make me a major after this one." The U.N. made me a major, too. I should accept it with gratitude, because I have not earned my mission(s) with sins, on the contrary.