I really should not be allowed to do nothing.
Because when I do nothing I start to think.
And when I start to think, I inevitably end up considering, sooner or later, the eternal unanswered questions of life and death, us vs. time and space.
And then I unavoidably end up depressed.
Because, when you think about it, human life is just a nanosecond in time, and our lives don’t present anything significant in the universe as a whole. Whatever we do, whatever noble or horrible acts we commit, the universe doesn’t give a fuck. If we all die out, the Earth would still continue. We’re not important and we don’t matter.
This is where for a lot of people religion comes in. We do matter, because God created us and we are his children; he cares about us always. We are not insignificant; we have a higher purpose given to us by God. What that purpose is we don’t know, but we’re bound to find out eventually.
But take God out of this equation, take away the concepts of Heaven and Hell, reward and punishment for good/bad behavior, and what are we? Irrelevant little mammals a bit more intelligent than monkeys.
And then I start wondering…
Does it matter if I get out of bed this morning? Does it matter if I don’t do the things I’m supposed to do? Who cares if I look at the potential apartments today or tomorrow? What difference does it make if I summarize some rules tonight instead of this morning? Does it really matter if I pass my diving exam in three weeks instead of two? What’s the rush? Where’s the deadline? What’s the life-threatening emergency?
So, since I don’t believe in the conventional image of God, or in Heaven and Hell, furthermore I’m not sure anything exists after death other than complete unimaginable nothingness, you can see how this ends up depressing me. I cannot say to myself: “You make a difference.” Because I know I don’t.
And then I say to myself – you’re spending way too much time alone; any human being faced with the insignificance of his own existence will go crazy very soon, so whether you’re irrelevant or not stop thinking about it, just go out, get drunk, and forget all about it.
Post je objavljen 22.02.2005. u 13:07 sati.