Marketing
About suicides
Dear Life,
things are getting tougher by the day. Yesterday I couldn’t sleep till it was four a.m. I woke up around twelve , set on my work desk and couldn’t seat straight how nauseous I was. Fuck I really hate this shit. I just keep being nauseous and my sleep patterns are all shoot to shit.
I signed the contract yesterday. I’m moving to another country next month. I just talked to my ex and she isn’t happy. She just keeps referencing how I’m going to hurt my son by moving to another country. The same son she didn’t let me see for three months because I was seeing someone else. The same son I can spend three hours a week being nobody. The same son I cannot provide anything while I’m in this country in this city and in this shitty situation.
My girlfriend, well on of them actually, she also doesn’t want me to go. The other girlfriend (or is she an ex now?) she is happy for me, my parents are happy for me, my closets friend are happy for me.
I signed that contract because I don’t want to miss an opportunity in life to advance my self and be someone. I really need to make at least a couple of thousands euros a month or more. I just like making money. I have the talent, I have the skill, I have the knowledge and the experience to make good. Why not take it? Why not being someone?
Of course my ex is right, my relationship with my son, shitty as currently is, its going to hall if I do that. And I’m going to lie if I say it doesn’t bother me. On the other side, I know a lot of kids whose parents live and work in another country, its kinda a regional thing here where I live.
I don’t have big things to say today. Nothing much happened yesterday. I worked, I watched a really great French TV series “Les Revenants” about people coming back to life in a remote village and those who are alive trying to deal with them. It was a really great social drama to watch. I especially liked the character Simon who committed suicide at his wedding day and later his ex who hallucinated him for like ten years just stabs him because she can’t deal him being here. And her new husband Thomas a police chief just shoots him. Wow, tell me about selfishness. I can’t deal with you being here and messing things up, I’m going to kill you. Of course the guy is a revenants so you just can’t kill him that easily so he keeps popping back.
The series has eight episodes which I watched yesterday all evening (with skippings) and I also started watching the Americans an show about Russian undercover spies in the eighties in America. Wow, that brought back memories. I am a cold war, Vietnam war TV generation guy. I miss those glory days.
I must confess during the toughest parts of my divorce, especially when I was forbidden by my ex to see my son and she made me do a psyche eval and really thought about offing my self. By slashing my wrists. What does the matter of my chosen suicide methods tell about me. Of course I didn’t do it. I like life to much. I listened to a Freakonomic a podcast about stuff. And one episode was about suicide and it told that that the majority of suicides happen in advanced countries where people don’t have to struggle for daily survival. What fucked up looser we are.
Post je objavljen 15.08.2013. u 13:14 sati.