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Almost 4 months ago, I embarked on a mission to get healthier, and get back to a me I recognize. The goals I set were to lose 68 lbs, to strengthen my back which has been pained since a car accident a year ago, to feel more comfortable and confident in my body, and to bring my test numbers for cholesterol and blood sugar into the acceptable realm.

I thought it would largely be a workout program, but problems with my back erupted immediately as I started exercising. Since then I've been seeing a chiropractor to get my back in shape with her help. My primary program instead became to modify my eating habits, eating an anti-inflammatory, high fiber, low glycine diet, cutting out most refined "white" stuff and the fats you really should avoid. Oh and diet Coke too. A bad habit. It's been great, nothing like any "diets" I've tried in the past which have always made me feel anxious, irritable, and deprived. Instead I've been eating plenty, just healthier, and never feeling hungry unless I've forgotten to eat . This was the kind of program I had been thinking about for such a long time, being good to myself, instead of starving, deprivation and hating myself, or taking pills to help the effort.

The results: today I hit the 1/4 mark toward my goal, 17 lbs off, about a pound a week, by simply eating better. Amazing. It's basically been melting off of me, and has been so easy. And I'm not even so strict with myself. I occasionally have a couple of beers or something sweet, a white tortilla or white rice. But my habit is otherwise, and that has made the difference. Today was Emy's birthday, and I allowed myself to guiltlessly have a quite small piece of an exquisitely rich chocolate cake. It was enough.

A couple of weeks ago, when I went in for my EKG, I also did my fasting lab tests to check my numbers and get a baseline so I could measure the beneficial shift from being on this food plan and exercising. But amazingly, in these few short months, they already have shifted greatly from my test results of last year. Total cholesterol had dropped from 264 to 209, into the acceptable range. And all the other numbers were greatly improved too. I still need to raise the good cholesterol a touch, and bring blood sugar down a smidge to be really happy with the numbers. But I am basically already where I need to be, in such a short period of time. I was and am stunned.

I figure it might take a year to get to my goal weight, the same goal as what was given to me 15 years ago when I was part of an expensive program I bought into, which I later abandoned because it made me feel so bad. And it didn't even include a sustainable lifestyle change, so as soon as I was done, all the weight I'd lost came right back on. I've been refusing for years to do that to myself again, to yo yo, to go back into deprivation. Boy was I lucky to meet Dot, and have her see what I needed and explain this easy plan to me. Eating right to avoid inflammation, which also makes you more vulnerable to cancers and disease. I really feel like I'm taking good care of myself.

I still struggle with not liking how my body looks, and have been mostly avoiding the full body shot in my 365's. But I'm trying to be gentle with myself and just be happy that I'm getting there. In my own time. The important thing for me right now is that I like myself, and my progress. No magic wand/presto chango, "drop 5 pounds this week" stuff going on here, which is probably a very good thing. As I slowly transform, I can "be with" the emotions that come up as I grapple with how I've been hiding behind my self-imposed protective layer, and the reasons I chose to respond to the events in my life in that way. As much as it might seem ironic, this has certainly been more of an inner process, than an outer one.

I'm sure I'll have more to say about all this when I hit my next milestone, the halfway point. That should be right around the holidays. Stay tuned...

March 1, 2009
1 Corinthians 13:8
"Love never ends."


Wonderful day today! I got up before church and went running! I'm trying really hard to lose weight right now because we have to wear full body suits for the fashion show! ahhhh! Anyhow, then I went to church and after my mom, dad, and I all went hiking at runyun [I'm sure that's not how you spell it..but I like it!] canyon. We hiked all the way from like the beginning top of the hill ALL the way to Hollywood! It was so cool because we could see like everything from up there! Plus on the way, I found some really cool photoshoot spots...can't wait to go with you Mailey!!
After that my mom and I went to the gym for a short workout and since then I've just been chillin' at home :)
I love days like these...