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The Rules of Etiquette - Short Rules and Reflections for Conduct in Society

The great error into which nearly all foreigners and most Americans fall, who write or speak of society in this country, arises from confounding the political with the social system. In most other countries, in England, France, and all those nations whose government is monarchical or aristocratic, these systems are indeed similar. Society is there intimately connected with the government, and the distinctions in one are the origin of gradations in the other. The chief part of the society of the kingdom is assembled in the capital, and the same persons who legislate for the country legislate also for it. But in America the two systems are totally unconnected, and altogether different in character. In remodelling the form of the administration, society remained unrepublican. There is perfect freedom of political privilege, all are the same upon the hustings, or at a political meeting; but this equality does not extend to the drawing-room or the parlour. None are excluded from the highest councils of the nation, but it does not follow that all can enter into the highest ranks, of society. In point of fact, we think that there is more exclusiveness in the society of this country, than there is in that even of England—far more than there is in France. And the explanation may perhaps be found in the fact which we hate mentioned above. There being there less danger of permanent disarrangement or confusion of ranks by the occasional admission of the lowborn aspirant, there does not exist the same necessity for a jealous guarding of the barriers as there does here. The distinction of classes, also, after the first or second, is actually more clearly defined, and more rigidly observed in America, than in any country of Europe. Persons unaccustomed to look searchingly at these matters, may be surprised to hear it; but we know from observation, that there are among the respectable, in any city of the United States, at least ten distinct ranks. We cannot, of course, here point them out, because we could not do it without mentioning names.

The great error into which nearly all foreigners and most Americans fall, who write or speak of society in this country, arises from confounding the political with the social system. In most other countries, in England, France, and all those nations whose government is monarchical or aristocratic, these systems are indeed similar. Society is there intimately connected with the government, and the distinctions in one are the origin of gradations in the other. The chief part of the society of the kingdom is assembled in the capital, and the same persons who legislate for the country legislate also for it. But in America the two systems are totally unconnected, and altogether different in character. In remodelling the form of the administration, society remained unrepublican. There is perfect freedom of political privilege, all are the same upon the hustings, or at a political meeting; but this equality does not extend to the drawing-room or the parlour. None are excluded from the highest councils of the nation, but it does not follow that all can enter into the highest ranks, of society. In point of fact, we think that there is more exclusiveness in the society of this country, than there is in that even of England—far more than there is in France. And the explanation may perhaps be found in the fact which we hate mentioned above. There being there less danger of permanent disarrangement or confusion of ranks by the occasional admission of the lowborn aspirant, there does not exist the same necessity for a jealous guarding of the barriers as there does here. The distinction of classes, also, after the first or second, is actually more clearly defined, and more rigidly observed in America, than in any country of Europe. Persons unaccustomed to look searchingly at these matters, may be surprised to hear it; but we know from observation, that there are among the respectable, in any city of the United States, at least ten distinct ranks. We cannot, of course, here point them out, because we could not do it without mentioning names.

By Zachary A. Goldfarb, Published: May 15
The Obama administration will begin to tap federal retiree programs to help fund operations after the government loses its ability Monday to borrow more money from the public, adding urgency to efforts in Washington to fashion a compromise over the debt.

Treasury Secretary Timothy F. Geithner has warned for months that the government would soon hit the $14.3 trillion debt ceiling — a legal limit on how much it can borrow. With the government poised to reach that limit Monday, Geithner is undertaking special measures in an effort to postpone the day when he will no longer have enough funds to pay all of the government’s bills.
Geithner, who has already suspended a program that helps state and local government manage their finances, will begin to borrow from retirement funds for federal workers. The measure won’t have an impact on retirees because the Treasury is legally required to reimburse the program.

The maneuver buys Geithner only a few months of time. If Congress does not vote by Aug. 2 to raise the debt limit, Geithner says the government is likely to default on some of its obligations, which he says would cause enormous economic harm and the suspension of government services, including the disbursal of Social Security funds.

Many congressional Republicans, however, have been skeptical that breaching the Aug. 2 deadline would be as catastrophic as Geithner suggests. What’s more, Republican leaders are insisting that Congress cut spending by as much as the Obama administration wants to raise the debt limit, without any new taxes. Obama is proposing spending cuts and tax increases to rein in the debt.

“Everything should be on the table, except raising taxes,” House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) said on CBS’s “Face the Nation.” “Because raising taxes will hurt our economy and hurt our ability to create jobs in our country.”

The Obama administration has warned that it is dangerous to make a vote on raising the debt limit contingent on other proposals. But Boehner is demanding that Congress use the debt vote as a way to bring down government spending.

“I’m ready to cut the deal today,” Boehner said. “We don’t have to wait until the 11th hour. But I am not going to walk away from this moment. We have a moment, a window of opportunity to act, because if we don’t act, the markets are going to act for us.”

Geithner’s plan to tap federal retiree programs as a temporary means to avoid a government default comes as the Obama administration has shown growing interest in altering those programs to curb the debt in the long run.

Administration officials have expressed interest in raising the amount that federal employees contribute to their pensions, sources told The Washington Post.

The Republicans have suggested that the civilian workforce contribute more to its retirement in the future, effectively trimming 5 percent from salaries. The administration has not been willing to go that far in talks being led by Vice President Biden.

Treasury secretaries have tapped special programs to avoid default six times since 1985. The most protracted delay in raising the debt limit came in 1995 after congressional Republicans swept to power during the Clinton administration.

But today, the government needs far more money to cover its obligations than in the past, making the special measures less effective than they used to be. The government needs about $125 billion more a month than it takes in each month.

In a letter released last week to Sen. Michael Bennet (D-Colo.), Geithner wrote that a default would risk a “double-dip” recession.

“Default would not only increase borrowing costs for the federal government, but also for families, businesses and local governments — reducing investment and job creation throughout the economy,” Geithner wrote.

But several prominent congressional Republicans have dismissed the Obama administration’s assertion that the country would face dire consequences if Congress does not vote to raise the federal limit on government borrowing by August. Many of the skeptics are affiliated with the tea party.

In the Senate, freshman Sen. Pat Toomey (R-Pa.) has said the Obama administration has been exaggerating the effects of hitting the default mark. He says breaching the limit would cause only a partial government shutdown.

Other freshman Republicans have said that Geithner could raise money to avoid defaulting by selling investments in private companies. The Republican Study Committee, which represents more than 150 lawmakers, sent a letter to Geithner last week pressing for more details about the Aug. 2 deadline.

Here's a view of the downtown cityscape from the top of the Cleveland Clinic's parking structure.

The staff at the clinic fired questions at me at machine gun speed during my two days of testing. I was asked about my emotional and psychological health, about my life story, about whether I am donating my kidney for financial gain or sheerly out of obligation. Nurses queried me regarding my daily habits, how much I smoke and drink, if I've ever had any problems with my kidneys or bladder. A social worker asked me how I relieve stress, if I want to have children someday and how my family feels about my decision to donate. I filled out questionnaires and answered a redundant series of questions, several times over, regarding my physical health and history.

On my way back to Tom and Kathy's home after this second round of tests and appointments, I was struck by the fact that none of the staff at the clinic had asked me, point blank: "Why are you doing this?"

While lunching on tortellini soup and chocolate mouse with fresh strawberries at my aunt and uncle's, I mentioned the glaring omission of this particular question. Kathy didn't miss a beat, turning to me to ask, in her straight shooting fashion, "So, why are you doing this?"

Which is a really difficult question to answer, when it comes right down to it. There are myriad reasons, which intertwine and weave together to create the pattern "yes." I'm doing this because I just feel like it is the right thing to do. I'm doing it because the timing is great as far as my job and stage of life are concerned. I'm doing it because I think it is perhaps the most beautiful and noble thing I will ever do. I'm doing it because I feel certain that God is leading me to donate, and because I don't feel any hesitations. I'm doing it because I am young and in perfect health and only need one kidney. I'm doing it because I met Andy and Heather last November (for the first time, really) and saw how much they dote on each other, and spent a day playing games with their precious 10-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son. I'm doing it because, frankly, Andy desperately needs a kidney and it feels like such a privilege to participate in the restoration of his physical health. I'm doing it because, though I am not typically a crier, I tear up at times just thinking about it. I'm doing it because, on the ride back to PA after my first round of tests, after I had told the nephrologist that I was game, I heard God say, "Deborah, I am so proud of you."

*****

All that said, I'd like to add that kidney donation is really not that big of a deal. This is not to minimize the sacrifice that organ donors make. But really, kidney donation is generally done laparascopically these days. I will have 3 or 4 minor incisions in my abdomen, none of which will hit muscle tissue. It's considered a "minimally invasive" procedure.

Something I'm discovering along this route is that, if you want to receive a lot of praise, donate an organ. Everyone you tell will think that you are a saint. Recently, an acquaintance told me, "God gave you two kidneys on purpose. You're giving one up. That's a big deal."

But what if God gave us an extra, so that we could share? Because you know what? It's not Andy's fault that he was born with one kidney, or that the one that's remaining is failing. And it's no credit to me, really, that I have two fully functioning kidneys. Giving up a kidney to someone who needs one is not an act of great charity. Andy needs one. I have a spare on hand. Sure, there is always a risk when you submit yourself to the surgeon's scalpel, and there could be complications, and there is the chance that I'll need another kidney someday down the road. But really, the main inconvenience to me is about a month of my life that I'll have to chock up to recovery. A month that I'll be able to spend on my aunt and uncle's deck, lying in the sun and catching up on my reading and Flickring.

So, why not?

The only career series to match the right job with the right personality Vital information in each book includes: Suggested jobs in a wide range of settings, from the office to the outdoors A selection of jobs with different levels of educational requirements Advice on competing in hot job markets Tips on transforming hobbies into job skills

The only career series to match the right job with the right personality Vital information in each book includes: Suggested jobs in a wide range of settings, from the office to the outdoors A selection of jobs with different levels of educational requirements Advice on competing in hot job markets Tips on transforming hobbies into job skills