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I'm Going to Be a Big Sister!

These colorful tales are designed to help prepare older siblings for the arrival of a new baby brother or sister. By providing discussion prompts, these books help give parents the language needed to speak to their older children in a way that is supportive, complimentary, and caring. Through a variety of descriptions—from which toys are safe for babies and which are dangerous, to the importance of hand washing and picking up the baby only when a grown up is there to help—Sam and Amanda learn what it means to be a big brother or sister. A discussion about the real-life issue of parents' temporary absence while at the hospital prepares youngsters for what might otherwise be a confusing and frightening time. The books' handy tip sheets succinctly detail hints for supporting the older child, and the accompanying musical CD contains upbeat and catchy tunes that emphasize the special bond between brothers and sisters.

Lobolo or Lobola (Mahadi in Sesotho; Roora in Shona) is sometimes translated as bride price) is a traditional Southern African custom whereby the man pays the family of his fiancee for her hand in marriage (Compare with the European dowry custom where the woman brings assets[citation needed]). The custom is aimed at bringing the two families together, fostering mutual respect, and indicating that the man is capable of supporting his wife financially and emotionally.
Traditionally the lobola payment was in cattle as cattle were the primary source of wealth in African society. However, most modern urban couples have switched to using cash. The process of lobola negotiations can be long and complex, and involves many members from both the bride's and the groom's extended families. Often, to dispel any tensions between the families, a bottle of brandy is placed on the table. This is usually not drunk; it is simply a gesture to welcome the guest family and make everyone feel more relaxed (it is known as mvulamlomo, which is Xhosa for 'mouth opener' i.e. price for opening your mouth {to speak})to express the purpose of your visit.
Lobola may have some unintended negative effects. It may have created a financial barrier for some young men looking to take a bride. It is common for a couple that are emotionally ready to commit to each other to stay unmarried if they do not have the financial resources to satisfy the impeding traditional ritual. For those who do have the financial means, the issue can be Lobola's opportunity cost. Young men who are in the wealth-creation stage of life may feel that their future is better secured if they invest their money elsewhere to receive significant financial returns.
Lobola is seen by some as an extravagance that has little relevance in a society where young Africans are trying to lift themselves out of inherited poverty. However, the tradition is adhered to as strongly as ever, and in families where tradition and intention override greed, lobola can be a great way of showing commitment between families, not just between the bride and groom. Many traditional marriages utilise a cash-based lobola; this can be then followed by a European-style wedding ceremony, where the lobola funds are used to pay for expenses. In this way, any outlaid costs are returned to the payer in another form, preserving tradition, honour and finances.
In the Shona cultures in Zimbabwe, roora takes place in a number of stages whereby the final stage includes a party financed by the newly aquired groom. Amongst the various stages of the roora ceremony, the groom to be has to provide outfits for the mother of the bride. These are called "Nhumbi dzaamai" and will traditionally include a blanket alongside a standard outfit, while the outfits for the father are called "Nhumbi dzababa" and will often be a suit of choice to later wear for the European wedding ceremony (if the couple has one).
At each stage of the ceremony, there are traditions to observe and small amounts to pay. It must be noted that roora is not paid up at once but is a culmination of many small (or large amounts, teh amount paid is determined at the negotiations and dependant on various factors). For example, the price and ceremony for meeting the in-laws is called "Mbonano" and is entry to the house. This is followed by "Guzvi", a second price for greeting the in-laws and accompanied by the traditional greeting (special clapping depending on culture, noting that the Shona people are 12 different etnic groups). Subsequent gifts of cash or food are then placed into a special plate that is used for the occasion. This is either bought or borrowed and has a price and ceremonial reference as well: "Kubvisa ndiro" (the price of buying or borrowing the plate). Even after the main ceremony, roora still needs to be paid in small amounts after the birth of a child or after 20 years, this is to contunially thank and acknowledge the wife's family. Of course, this only happens in certain shona groups.
Other gifts or prices include "Vhuramuromo" (meaning opening of mouth) for the greeting of the guests, similar to the Xhosa Loloba mvulamlomo,outlined above. "Dare" for calling of the witnesses to the marriage and "Matsvakirai kuno" for the explanation of "How did you meet my daughter" or "Who told you that I have a daughter?"
Gifts for the mother of the bride then include "Mbereko", for carrying the bride in a pouch or sling when she was a baby, and "Mafukidzadumbu" for "covering of the belly"; this is alternately translated as "carrying the baby in the womb" or "tucking the baby in with a blanket (when she wakes in the night)".
A special gift for the father of the bride is the "Matekweyandevu" to acknolegde him for "the pulling of the beard" as she sat on his knee, or putting up with the

Debbie: We fostered 17 children when we lived in Texas and decided to continue—and even consider adoption—when we moved to Battle Creek. I’m from here and my parents fostered kids, too. Some say we have the gift of hospitality.

Pat: Still, we were at the point where our biological kids were teenagers, so we were close to complete freedom. It was a major consideration to start over with toddlers.

Debbie: Then these three kids came along and grabbed our hearts, and that was it. We took in the two older half brothers the same day we were licensed. They had been removed from their home due to neglect and placed in foster care. When their brother was born, the boys’ birth mother wanted me present. She made an adoption plan for her boys in hopes that Pat and I would get them; she just wasn’t able to care for them.

Pat: We brought the baby home and tried to help him through his serious medical problems but Debbie developed medical issues of her own which ended the baby foster care. Because sibling groups are kept together, all three boys had to leave us.

Debbie: We missed them terribly. It felt natural to have a house full of children and these little guys really needed a forever family, so when their situation changed and they became available to begin the adoption process, we jumped at the chance! Eleven months later, the boys came back to us and nine months after that, the adoption was final. The boys love to be hugged and told, “I’m your forever Mommy now!” After all the moves they had to make at young ages, they can’t hear that reassurance enough. Family & Children Services (a program delivery partner of United Way) is wonderful and got us through all the legal and medical obstacles. Our adoption workers and the boys’ foster care worker give us great support and answer all our questions. I just can’t say enough about them. They’re there when you need them: full service. We still foster children, too.

Pat: We couldn’t do all this without our faith and our church, Victory Life. It’s spectacular with support. Our biological kids, Rick and Laura, have been a great help to us, and my employer, Duncan Aviation, is really good. My boss is very understanding and lets me off when needed, saying, “Go, these kids need to have a good home.” The boys are making medical, developmental, educational and emotional strides. United Way has made a valuable investment in the future of these three children by providing dollars to foster care and adoption services in Battle Creek.

Debbie: We’ve become wise shoppers. We go to Sam’s Club at lunch time on Saturdays and the kids eat some of this and some of that. The greeters call us ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ and say, “Hey, here’s that family again! You’re down a few today?” “Yep,” I reply, “we’re down to three today, but just wait!”

— Debbie & Pat Reeves

© 2006 NEW MEDIA BREW, Inc. All rights reserved.

You know those kids you see in the grocery stores? The ones who always get whatever they ask for? The ones who throw fits sand scream: "I want that!" The ones you cringe at as you walk by? Well, Celia Meyers is one of those little girls. Which is why when she is no longer an only child, what starts out as magic and fantasies turns into a hellish nightmare. But soon, things get even worse when she's convinced her family has shunned her. So she remembers the one person whom always loved her no matter what - her old nanny, Millie. But Celia isn't even sure where Millie lives, and finds herself wondering more and more why the nanny left so suddenly years ago.

You know those kids you see in the grocery stores? The ones who always get whatever they ask for? The ones who throw fits sand scream: "I want that!" The ones you cringe at as you walk by? Well, Celia Meyers is one of those little girls. Which is why when she is no longer an only child, what starts out as magic and fantasies turns into a hellish nightmare. But soon, things get even worse when she's convinced her family has shunned her. So she remembers the one person whom always loved her no matter what - her old nanny, Millie. But Celia isn't even sure where Millie lives, and finds herself wondering more and more why the nanny left so suddenly years ago.