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Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft

"Toddler Adoption" looks at the unique joys and challenges of adopting and parenting a toddler. When a child aged is adopted between the ages of 12 to 36 months, they often show signs of cognitive and emotional immaturity, which can cause behavioral and relational issues. This book offers support and practical tools to help parents prepare for and support the toddler's transition between the familiar environment of their biological parent's home or foster home to a new and unfamiliar one, and considers the issues that arise at different developmental stages. It highlights the challenges that parents are likely to encounter, but also gives positive guidance on how to overcome them. Written by a specialist in children's development who is also an adoptive parent herself, this fully revised and updated edition of the go-to-source on adopting toddlers is essential reading for both parents and professionals working with adoptive families.

Me: So tell me how you started the search for a third child.

Mom: OK, it took about two years for Bobby's adoption to become final. Then I sent this letter to Angel Guardian to apply for another baby. And they sent us the forms, and began the process. At some point, in the late summer or early fall of 1970, we were told there was a shortage of adoptable infants because of the pill and abortion being legal in New York state. And they asked us if we would consider an interracial or handicapped child. We decided to think about getting a child with a handicap. Then, in the middle of December, we were asked to take a little girl, one only three months younger than Bobby. In effect, they would've been almost like twins. She had a hip problem. But when I saw her picture, I felt she was meant for me because she was what I imagined what my daughter would look like. We did not know the extent of her hip problem. I wanted her, and Daddy was more cautious, and thought it was too much of a responsibility to take on. So we compromised and decided I would talk to my pediatrician — I'm trying to remember who he was, it wasn't Dr. Axelrod — and that whatever he said would have a great deal of weight in our decision. When I spoke with him, he sat me down and told me he was dead set against it. He said if it was my first baby, he would've been thrilled to help me. But I had two other children, and the attention needed to care for this girl would take away from their quality of life and their care. He went on further to explain that if this was my own baby, we would discovered the problem very early on. But since this baby was in a foster home, most likely this problem went undiagnosed for some time, which made it much worse — it was the kind of problem that was correctable when caught at a young age. He asked me to call the orphanage and give him permission to speak to the nuns to find out more about the girl's condition. And the nuns got upset, and said they would not speak to a doctor, because I had to take the baby on faith.

Me: You know, honestly...that's kind of fucked up.

Mom: It is. Well, when I disagreed with them — respectfully, of course — they told me that if this was my natural baby, I would have no control over what she was born with. And I countered that if she was born to me, I would've caught her problem at any early age. But they were adamant that there would be no medical records to share with a doctor. So in good conscience, and bearing in mind what the doctor told me, I had to weigh the effects the adoption would have on Bobby and Tommy. And if the problem was as bad as the doctor thought, there would be many trips into Manhattan for all the surgeries she would need — at the time, there were no Long Island hospitals that performed this kind of surgery. So Daddy and I decided against the adoption. It was one of the hardest and most hurtful decisions I've made in my life. And to this day, I still remember her, every middle of December. And it was almost as if a child died, to me. I actually...

Me: I'm getting emotional right now.

Mom: I'm getting emotional, too. It was really like losing a child.

HI my name is tricia gisewhite and this photo is my crew of 4 beautiful fur babies from left to right is chocolate lab Franklin who is 9.5yo and still looking fantastic thanks to petco and natural balance he was given to me via friend who wanted a better life for him then where he was at. Next is Roxy, she is my other senior who is 8.5 yo and a black lab/pitbull adopted outside of the el cajon petco when she was only 3 months old. The lil guy in the middle is Max he is 2.5 an aussie/Doberman mix and was found at about 3 months skinny on the side of the road and is the sweetest love bug you could ever meet. Last but not least is my big lovin Bubby a 5yo German Shephard /chow mix and has an all blackish purple tongue and was found at about 6 months on the side of the road skinny and a rope tied around his neck and is now a happy 90lbs. I love sharing their stories with people especially because I have breeds, although mixed, that people tend to think negatively about and I let them know the breed does not define the dog. When people meet my dogs it is hard not to smile and be taken in by all the love they have to give and it throws them off that 300lbs of dog all fit on a queen size bed at night. My best friend and I have dodged more cars, stopped traffic and rescued more dogs then we can keep track of and would not have it any other way. My best friend kevin also has 3 cocker spaniels, lady his lil girl was adopted outside of petco in el cajon after the passing of his 15yo cocker spaniel and he has had her for 8years and his lil boy was adopted from a local animal shelter. We try to advocate adoption and share our stories as much as we can after I found a stray on the side of the road 6 months ago not taken care of at all missing teeth, skinny and matted he let me scoop him up I called into work that night and brought him home. I was very fortunate through a friend of a friend to be introduced to SPOT organization in Oceanside ca who took Charlie (AKA stray pup) in and after much needed care was rehomed to a great las vegas home. Spot has used the Petco unleashed venue to help rehome other pets and I made them “ADOPT ME” vests and matching people aprons to help them stand out at the events. So thats my adoption stories and how the love of animals through adoption have impacted my life and still keep on giving!!!! Thanks and much love petco!!!

"This book calls attention to the pressing issues of abandoned baby girls in China, the result of a combination of historical and cultural prejudices against women and the current draconian, one-child policy. The Lost Daughters of China is an evocative memoir that will not only attract parents or would-be parents of Chinese baby girls but will touch the hearts of us all." (Chicago Tribune)

Proclaimed an instant classic upon its hardcover publication, The Lost Daughters of China is at once compelling and informative. Journalist Karin Evans tells the story of adopting her daughter, Kelly, who was once one of the hundreds of thousands of infant girls who wait for parents in orphanages all over China. Weaving her personal account with extensive research, Evans investigates the conditions that have led to generations of abandoned Chinese girls and a legacy of lost women.

With a new epilogue added for the paperback edition, this book will appeal to anyone interested in China and in the emotional ties that connect people regardless of genes or culture. In the words of bestselling novelist Amy Tan, The Lost Daughters of China is "not only an evocative memoir on East-West adoption but also a bridge to East-West understanding of human rights in China."

The Lost Daughters of China is that rare book that can be many things to different people. Part memoir, part travelogue, part East-West cultural commentary, and part adoption how-to, Karin Evans's book is greater than the sum of its parts. Evans weaves together her experience of adopting a Chinese infant with observations about Chinese women's history and that country's restrictive, if unevenly enforced, reproductive policies. She and her husband adopted Kelly Xiao Yu in 1997, and anyone curious about adopting from a Chinese orphanage--which houses girls and disabled boys--will learn about the mechanics and the emotional freight of the two-year process. Borrowing an image from Chinese folklore, Evans conveys herself, her husband, and their daughter as tethered by a red string that yoked them across an ocean and an equally awesome cultural divide.
The elegant prose is spiced with bits of ironic cultural dissonance. A discount shopper, Evans "felt more than a little strange buying China-made [baby] clothes with which to bundle up a tiny baby, one of China's own, and bring her home." On a bus tour through southern China, she is one of a "bunch of Americans with Chinese infants singing 'Que Sera Sera' in the middle of a sea of traffic. Will she be happy? Will she be rich?" To suddenly hear Doris Day over the horns of a Kowloon traffic jam is heady stuff indeed.
The Lost Daughters of China is at its best when describing Evans's tally of emotional loss and gain. At one point the bureaucratic adoption process is unaccountably delayed, but her father dies during that time and she's able to sit by his bedside. The most mysterious example of this emotional calculus is Kelly's birth mother. Evans invents many plausible scenarios that caused this unknown woman to abandon her three-month-old daughter at a market. These incomplete, necessarily provisional stories help give a face to the larger cultural processes that compel new parents to abandon 1.7 million girl babies annually. The stuff of headlines--human rights, infanticide, rural and urban poverty--is rendered personally relevant in Evans's compelling book. --Kathi Inman Berens