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Oracle Insights: Tales of the Oak Table

Oracle is the enterprise database of choice for the majority of businesses (holding 42% of the Unix/Linux and Windows market in 2002). The intent of this book is to present a "big picture" of Oracle and Oracle development, covering:
• How Oracle (and Oracle development), has evolved over the years (from being used to achieve local tactical objectives to a corporate resource used for mission-critical strategic applications)
• Landmark projects with which the authors have been involved and lessons learned
• Key techniques and processes that emerged along the way, in response to the challenges thrown up by various projects, and their relevance today.

07 - Goldfish

There once lived an old man and his good-wife on the shore of the deep blue ocean. They lived in a tumble-down hovel for thirty-three summers and winters. The old man used to fish for his living, and his wife spun yarn on her distaff. He once cast his net in the ocean, and pulled it up with mud from the bottom; He again cast his net in the ocean, and this time caught nothing but seaweed; When he cast his net for the third time, one fish was all that he landed; No common fish, though, but a goldfish. Now the goldfish began to implore him, and it spoke like a real human being: "Put me back, old man, into the ocean an I will pay you a right royal ransom -- I wilt give you whatever you ask me." The old man was astonished and frightened —
He'd been fishing for thirty-three summers, but had not heard of any fish talking.
So with care he untangled the goldfish and tenderly said as he did so:
"God bless you, my dear little goldfish!
Thank you kindly, I don't want your ransom. Go back to your home in the ocean, and roam where you will without hindrance."
To his wife the old fisherman hastened to tell about this great marvel.
"I caught only one fish this morning —
a goldfish it was, most uncommon;
It spoke like a Christian, and begged me to put it back into the ocean,
and promised to pay a rich ransom,
to give me whatever I asked for.
But how could I ask for a ransom?
I released it without any payment." His wife started scolding her husband:
"Oh you simpleton! Oh yon great silly!
Couldn't make a mere fish pay a ransom! You at least might have asked for a wash-tub, for ours is all falling to pieces!"
The old man returned to the seashore,
Where the blue waves were frolicking lightly. He called out aloud for the goldfish, and the goldfish swam up and demanded: "What is it, old man, you are wanting?" With a bow, the old man said in answer: "Forgive me, Your Majesty Goldfish! My old woman has scolded me roundly, won't leave me alone for a minute. She says that she wants a new wash-tub, for ours is all falling to pieces."
The goldfish murmured in answer:
"Do not worry, go home, God be with you —Very well, you shall have a new wash-tub."
To his wife the old fisherman hastened, and behold — there it was, the new wash-tub. But she scolded him louder than ever: "Oh you simpleton! Oh you great silly!
To ask for a tub—a mere wash-tub!
What good can you get from a wash-tub? Return to the goldfish, you silly,
Bow down low and ask for a cottage."
Again he went back to the seashore, and this time the blue sea was troubled. He called out aloud for the goldfish, and the goldfish swam up and demanded: "What is it, old man, you are wanting?" With a bow, the old man said in answer: "Forgive me, Your Majesty Goldfish! My old woman is angrier than ever, Won't leave me alone for a minute. The old scold says she wants a new cottage." The goldfish murmured in answer:
"Do not worry, go home, God be with you! So be it! You'll have a new cottage!"
So back the old man turned his footsteps; Not a sign did he see of his hovel. In its place stood a new gabled cottage, with a chimney of brick, newly whitewashed, a fence with oak gates stood around it; and there sat his wife at a window;
When she saw him, she scolded him roundly: "Oh you simpleton! Oh you great silly! To ask for no more than a cottage! Go and bow to the goldfish, and tell it that I'm tired of being a peasant, that I want to be made a fine lady."
The old man then returned to the seashore, where the ocean was restlessly foaming, He called out aloud for the goldfish. The goldfish swam up and demanded: "What is it, old man, you are wanting?" With a bow, the old man said in answer:
"Forgive me, Your Majesty Goldfish!
My old woman is madder than ever,
She gives me no rest for a second,
Says she's tired of being a peasant,
And wants to be made a fine lady."
The goldfish murmured in answer:
"Do not worry, go home, God be with you."
To his wife the old fisherman hastened, and what did he see? — a tall mansion; On its white marble stairs — his old woman.
She was wearing a rich sable jacket,
And a head-dress, in gold all embroidered; Her neck was with pearls heavy laden; She wore golden rings on her fingers; She was shod in the softest red leather; Zealous servants bowed meekly before her,
As she cuffed them and rated them roundly.
The old man then approached his wife, saying. "Greetings, your ladyship, greetings, fine lady! Now I hope that your soul is contented!" She angrily bade him be silent and sent him to serve in the stables.
First a week slowly passed, then another, the old woman grew prouder than ever. One morning she sent for her husband, And said: "Bow to the goldfish and tell it I am tired of being a lady, and I want to be made a Tsaritsa.&

Dear Santa,

I know it’s a bit late to be writing a letter but I just got word that I’m on your list this year. Hell, talk about surprised, when I first heard that I made the A team I knew then and there how Saddam must have felt when he was pulled out of his hiding hole a few years back. Except! That I was like surprised in a good way. So before I present you with my register of wants I would like to get set a few things straight that may have occurred since you last updated that good boy / bad boy thing.

First of all I would like to clear up that little mishap with the Swinging Jesus venture that I had going on a few weeks back. At the time it seemed like such a great idea. I mean, being half Mexican/half Irish and living most of my young life in a Hispanic neighborhood I figured that kids having birthdays in mid December were getting a raw deal. You know one present now and in a few days when Christmas rolls around they would pick up the rest. Well, to tell you the truth being born in December sucks because that dog doesn’t hunt and as a rule “the birthday present” is usually a cheapie and definitely not electronic.

Unlike other birthday months where a kid usually has a rocking theme party and presents up the wazoo and all his/her friends are there and as a rule it turns out to be a great all around good time: December sucks.

So I thought. “HEY why not have it set up so that kids born in December can have a Mexican theme party that would tie birthday and Christmas together into the same celebration.

And I REALLY thought that the Jesus Pinata thing would work.

The first party was rolling around at a pretty damn good clip if you ask me. We had egg toss games, water balloon fights. We even had an Ozzie Osborne version of the pin the tale on the donkey where the kids would lay on the table and get fake tattoo administered by one another with indian ink and an electric toothbrush.

So when we ran the Jesus Pinata up on the old oak tree I thought for sure it would be a success but nooooooooo. As soon as the kids started whacking at JC (who happened to be filled with Lady Godiva chocolates mind you) some of the parents just went ballistic and the next thing I know I was tumbling across the front lawn trying to protect was not yet aching. I mean for Catholics these people were just plain violent.

So anyway Santa, all in all, you can see it was not intended as a malice act on my behalf. And besides I had to come up with my own bail. Try doing that when you only get one phone call.

Oh and I’m also sorry for telling the kids in my second grade class when we were on our last field trip to the cemetery that the statues were really kids that got long detention time. Other than that I’m think I’m still cool on the list eh?

Now if that is the case, I think it would be really cool if you could fix me up for a weekend with Angelica Huston. If not could you Photoshop an image of her on the inside of my eyelids.

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Statue photograph taken at Inglewood Cemetery - Inglewood CA 2005
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Announcing a new book from Apress and the OakTable Network:


Oracle Insights: Tales of the Oak Table presents eleven world-renowned industry specialists proffering their own highly experienced views, input, and insights on Oracle&emdash;where it's been, where it's going, how (and how not) to use it successfully, the software and techniques that they've introduced to help people achieve their goals, and some frightening tales of what can happen when fundamental design principles are ignored.



The collaborating authors have solved many of the worst Oracle performance problems in the world, and they've each saved at least one doomed flagship project. Over many years they've been sharing their unique knowledge with each other at conferences, around the OakTable, and in coffee shops, restaurants, and bars on five continents. Now they want to share their key insights with you.



A major focus of this book concerns the ways in which you can avoid common and debilitating mistakes when building Oracle software projects. From these stories, you'll learn the simple steps that will help you avoid real pain on your next (or current) Oracle project.

Announcing a new book from Apress and the OakTable Network:


Oracle Insights: Tales of the Oak Table presents eleven world-renowned industry specialists proffering their own highly experienced views, input, and insights on Oracle&emdash;where it's been, where it's going, how (and how not) to use it successfully, the software and techniques that they've introduced to help people achieve their goals, and some frightening tales of what can happen when fundamental design principles are ignored.



The collaborating authors have solved many of the worst Oracle performance problems in the world, and they've each saved at least one doomed flagship project. Over many years they've been sharing their unique knowledge with each other at conferences, around the OakTable, and in coffee shops, restaurants, and bars on five continents. Now they want to share their key insights with you.



A major focus of this book concerns the ways in which you can avoid common and debilitating mistakes when building Oracle software projects. From these stories, you'll learn the simple steps that will help you avoid real pain on your next (or current) Oracle project.