Pregled posta

Marketing

Pilot Barbie

You've come a long way, Barbie! Once upon a time, the world's most famous blonde was a flight attendant aboard her own plane. Now she's a pilot, and comes dressed for the wild blue yonder in a navy uniform with gold buttons and trim. Pilot Barbie also sports a dapper print scarf, pearl earrings and ring, and a nifty airline-style roller suitcase with handle and wheels. She even has her own cap (which comes off more easily than some budding pilots might like). Fasten your seatbelts, put your tray tables in an upright, locked position, and make sure you have the Barbie Airplane for this captain to fly.

I am about to get up. But I don’t. I can’t, because she is working her way towards me. She is stunning for her mission alone. Yes, I am about to receive the first class “moist towelette.” Surely I can hold it long enough to receive the tong held outstretched boiled towel that is the privilege of the upper class. Having traveled I have always seen this sacred rite from a distance.

Others amazingly DECLINE their towelette! This never occurs to me. Who declines a moist steaming towelette? This to me is like leaving a country, as Seinfeld says, where everyone has a pony. Why would you? I start to think ill of the decliners but this train of thought doesn’t last long.

The ipod, having shuffled through Queen, Matisyahu, Smashing Pumpkins and Sinead O’Connor settles into Morrissey for the imminent arrival. This strikes me as wrong for the arrival of pretty much anything. Yet the ipod is locked and inaccessible. So there it is; Morrissey becomes the sound track.

And she arrives. It’s my turn after my seatmate reveals himself a decliner. The tong reaches out and two more thoughts occur in this order. 1) It is mine! And 2) HOT!

Temperature notwithstanding I proceed to wipe my hands with the artifact. By the time I get to my face it has cooled just enough to retain the outermost layer of skin presently missing from my hands.

I would look back on this event realizing no recollection of the flight attendant’s features. My theory is the initial pain fermented the towelette memory and at the same time wiped out the 10 seconds prior. But that is then and this is now.

Besides the towelette, obviously, I start to add up the other benefits of my bump to first class seat 5A. It does not include the windows. Nope, same size windows as the rest of the plane. You would kind think big screen windows that are cleaner. (hint hint Continental! – can you hook us up?)

What definitely is a step up is the big chair. Big and plump like Bill’s chair on the Cosby show. Perhaps most important I realize the armrest is wide enough for the elbows and then some! The prescient designers of this part of the plane, the front part, must have expected these people to both have arms!

The last thought upsets me a bit when I think of my next flight back in armless class.

The tray the breakfast croissant, ham and egg, arrives on is nicer. Slightly larger with little rubber feet so it doesn’t slide all around. Like the trays of the accursed behind the mesh divider that lifts us up.

The bathroom, which I would have to call “le toilette” if I was writing a rap song and needed to rhyme with towelette, is not better. Same size. Same features. Same stupid sink. And the same stupid towel dispenser relinquishing pieces of what is presumably a stack of well-formed towels preloaded at 500 psi.

The silverware is metal. Flatter than it should be and cuter than it should be. But metal. I briefly ponder the rules on 1st class souvenirs. Which takes me back to a story of a friend practically strip searched entering the United States in possession of a flat and cute Air France spoon. I decide not to ask the flight attendant despite her non-Frenchness.

Looking around I realize the decliner to my right has rebuffed everything including coffee. On an 8:30 AM flight. I don’t trust him. Even if he is apparently completing Sodoku in pen. On the plus side I do not have to touch him at all given the magnificent width of the armrest.

I take a picture of my breakfast tray. With the wide-angle lens on the camera, and given I am too lazy to attach the external flash it leaves a half moon shadow on the picture. Probably the one attached to this post. So of course I have to take several shots hoping to move the crescent far enough down to crop the tray in its entirety. With the cute cutlery. At this point my seatmate is eyeing the armrest. Apparently this is unexpected behavior in first class. Who knew?

From my perspective declining everything in first class is far weirder behavior than photographing your flat breakfast croissant. But that is just me.

Having traveled frequently in my life it seems improbably that this is my first moist towelette. Yet it is. At 39. And it was good.

Now to land and put some more distance between me and the decliner….

The weather was hot and muggy, a nice change from the uber-cold Canadian
climate. J We stayed in Ft. Lauderdale with Daron and Brandy for a
couple of days before we all headed out to Miami to get on the boat and
sail for The Keys. We didn't make it to the Bahamas due to weather,
which we expected, but we did make it to Islamorada
in about 11 hours. Although, when we
got there the wind blew us out of the channel and sea-tow had to come
and get us and take us the rest of the way in. We can't say we didn't
have an adventure!

We stayed at the dock at Holiday Isle ,
which was practically a ghost town due to the weather and the fact that
they're tearing it all down within a month or so. We spent a few days
there doing nothing but hanging out. It was quite nice. J We wanted
to go parasailing, but the wind speed was too high. We made friends
with some of the locals - Brandy even convinced the convenience store
attendant to sing happy birthday to her. Hahaha!

After being relatively Blackberry-free (hey, I went a whole 24 hours!)
for a few days, we started to head back to Miami, but the parasailing
guy found us and, well, we couldn't NOT go. J I couldn't believe it -
it was beautiful. I thought I'd be scared because you're so high up,
but it was actually very relaxing and the view was gorgeous.

It took us about 16 hours or so to get back to Miami due to the winds.
We headed out to the Gulf Stream and went as fast as we could...into the
wind. Unfortunately we missed our flight, but were able to catch one on
another airline and actually made it back 30 minutes before we would
have with our original flight. We crossed the border coming from
Buffalo with no issues, and made it back without hitting too much
traffic.

That was Thursday. Friday we switched out all of our warm-weather
clothes with cold-weather clothes, and drove to Collingwood. We spent
Saturday and Sunday skiing at Blue Mountain
(I wish I had taken pictures). The last
run of the day on Sunday ended up in an injury for a member of our
party, we had to get the Ski Patrol and everything, and he's still
recovering... But he did learn! I took my little guy up the small
bunny hill once; we made it half way before he was too tired to go
anymore. I think I'll take him to the local tiny hill, Chicopee, and
get a two hour pass.

We got back from Collingwood Sunday evening and I packed up my hockey
stuff and played a game. Yes, I was exhausted!

Now everything is back to normal, and I'm resting up from having been on
vacation. ;)

HOT X-RATED EROTIC SEX STORIES
1. Paradise Beach Picnic
2. Pampering moments under the shower
3. Nice Double Penetration
4. Cop Got a Lucky Break
5. Wonderful Surprise
6. Sleepless Night
7. A Married Couple Plus One
8. Wet Teacher
9. An Unexpected Attraction
10. Understanding Boss’s Needs
11. Professional Secretarial Services
12. A Bizzare Request
13. Great Saturday Weekend
14. Totally Obsessed
15. Birthday Coupons
16. Football Match
17. Jamie's Pool Party
18. The New Neighbour
19. Blown Fantasy
20. An Early Arrival
21. First Time Together
22. Under Arrest
23. A Helping Hand
24. 10 Minutes Away
25. Darkness
26. Tied to the Bed
27. Behind Closed Doors
28. Change Of Plans
29. The Gift That Keeps Giving
30. A Ruthless Tease

This book contains sexually explicit material, and should only be viewed by adults of at least 18 years old of age, or 21 years old of age depending on your location.

HOT X-RATED EROTIC SEX STORIES
1. Paradise Beach Picnic
2. Pampering moments under the shower
3. Nice Double Penetration
4. Cop Got a Lucky Break
5. Wonderful Surprise
6. Sleepless Night
7. A Married Couple Plus One
8. Wet Teacher
9. An Unexpected Attraction
10. Understanding Boss’s Needs
11. Professional Secretarial Services
12. A Bizzare Request
13. Great Saturday Weekend
14. Totally Obsessed
15. Birthday Coupons
16. Football Match
17. Jamie's Pool Party
18. The New Neighbour
19. Blown Fantasy
20. An Early Arrival
21. First Time Together
22. Under Arrest
23. A Helping Hand
24. 10 Minutes Away
25. Darkness
26. Tied to the Bed
27. Behind Closed Doors
28. Change Of Plans
29. The Gift That Keeps Giving
30. A Ruthless Tease

This book contains sexually explicit material, and should only be viewed by adults of at least 18 years old of age, or 21 years old of age depending on your location.