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I might replace my rather naiive picture with something better in a bit - but it'll do for the moment as an accompaniment to these song lyrics. The collection was to be called "Old Bags of Britain: a sympathetic and whimsical catalogue of witches, wise-women and assorted fakes and fogies", but anybody who knows me at all well will be quite aware that I am always on the witches' side...

Please be forewarned: these are not children's songs, as they are somewhat rude, and the babies meet some quite shocking fates... And to put it bluntly there's none of that Wiccan fluffy-bunny stuff in here!


TWTTI GLYN HEC

Chorus:
If the widow discovers
I’m Twtti Glyn Hec,
The sprites of Glen Mawddwy
Will wring my old neck,
Wring my old neck, Wring my old neck,
The sprites of Glen Mawddwy
Will wring my old neck!

The sprites of Glen Mawddwy worked ill deeds galore:
They robbed from the rich and they stole from the poor,
And if ever they failed her, she beat them full sore,
The horrible Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
The horrible Twtti Glyn Hec.

A widow named Mari, she had a wee son,
And she sold her cow for a good little sum,
Hid the gold in her chimney, and gaily did hum,
For she knew nought of Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
She knew nought of Twtti Glyn Hec.

Chorus

When she looked the next morning the gold wasn’t there;
Poor Mari went white and she tore at her hair,
“What villain would steal it, what scoundrel would dare?”
‘Twas the sprites who served Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
The sprites who served Twtti Glyn Hec.

Mari was weeping, she knelt on the floor;
There presently came a sharp rap at the door,
An old woman walked in, who she’d not seen before,
For she’d never met Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
She’d never met Twtti Glyn Hec.

Chorus

Grey was her hair and green was her gown,
Trimmed with bright scarlet from ankle to crown,
Her forehead was furrowed with dubious frown,
The wicked old Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
The wicked old Twtti Glyn Hec.

“Take comfort young woman, take comfort from me,
For four times your loss will I give unto thee!”
And poor Mari smiled for she failed to see,
‘Twas the scheming old Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
The scheming old Twtti Glyn Hec.

Chorus

She poured out the gold on the table rough-hewn,
“Now here is your payment,” the old hag did croon,
“In return, your wee baby I’ll take as my boon!”
Cackled mad Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
Cackled mad Twtti Glyn Hec.

“Now dear, don’t you think this a diverting game?
I’ll make him my plaything, molest him and maim,
Unless, my dear girl, you can tell me my name!”
Laughed the terrible Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
Laughed the terrible Twtti Glyn Hec.

Chorus

“Tomorrow I’ll come for this child of your womb!”
She chortled, and then she swept out of the room,
And she flew away, legs astride a black broom,
Did the evil old Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
The evil old Twtti Glyn Hec.

Poor Mari’s relations said, “Nought can be done
To save your wee babe now the witching’s begun!”
And into the forest distraught did she run,
A-searching for Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
A-searching for Twtti Glyn Hec.

Chorus

But then Mari stopped: ‘mid the green forest light
She saw buttercup faerie and poppy-clothed sprite,
They cavorted and frolicked, a wonderful sight!
The bondsmen of Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
The bondsmen of Twtti Glyn Hec.

In a dim, dappled glade did they dance in a ring,
The faeries who gathered to gyrate and sing,
And high in the air yellow primroses fling,
The sprite-slaves of Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
The sprite-slaves Twtti Glyn Hec.

Chorus

And as Mari hid there at the edge of the glade,
The wicked old hag leapt out from the shade
And into the darkness the faeries did fade,
For fear of old Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
For fear of old Twtti Glyn Hec.

And then, up and down, on the wet, ferny ground,
The old witch went stalking, she hobbled around,
And she sung her grim song, ‘twas a horrible sound;
And thus did sing Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
And thus did sing Twtti Glyn Hec:

Chorus

And in the morning, by crimson sun-rise,
The witch came a-knocking, to claim her wee prize
But Twtti was in for an awful surprise:
The undoing of Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
The undoing of Twtti Glyn Hec.

“Come! Give me your babe, for to beat ‘til he’s dead,
And then I shall suck the brains out of his head!”
“But wait just a minute, witch!” wise Mari said,
“For I know your name’s Twtti Glyn Hec , Glyn Hec!
For I know your name’s Twtti Glyn Hec.”

Chorus

And then, like a banshee in nightmarish dream,
Twtti Glyn Hec gave a horrible scream,
And about her prone form all the faeries did teem,
And they strangled grim Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
They strangled grim Twtti Glyn Hec.

So the sprites of Glen Mawddwy bore Twtti away,
And now they bring gifts to Mari each day,
And they do her great favours, their debt to repay
For outwitting old Twtti Glyn Hec, Glyn Hec,
For outwitting old Twtti Glyn Hec.


Source material: Welsh folk tale, from Eirwen Jones, Folk Tales o

I never realised just how S&M my old Brownie belt is.

When he was a young boy, 'Sir Stephen' snuck into his sister's room, whilst she was at gym practice. It didn't take him long to find it, - he held it in front of him in both upturned hands then slowly pulled one end, through his clasped hand til the worn leather end slipped through his fingers, he gave a firm yet quiet whack into his open left palm. His eyelids tightened and a smile emerged as he closed her door and walked purposely across the landing back to his room. His bookcase wedged behind the bedroom door, he indulged his furtive imagination, with Margaret from two-doors-down, he practised with the assorted stolen lengths of rope from last week's 'Knot Tying Badge'. He then formulated his plan for 'training' women for him to master.

Did the route of his evil stem from a stiff leather and shiny bondage-ringed Girl Guide belt? Is that why the film opening in the 70's coincided with the phasing out of the lovely, traditional Brownie uniform dresses and belts and the introduction of brown elastic waisted culottes, logoed sweatshirts and heaven forbid, 'bobble hats'?? Is it all the Baden Powell's' fault??

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