There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income.
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.
Music is essentially useless, as life is.
Many people weigh the guilt they will feel against the pleasure of the forbidden action they want to take.
Therefore search and see if there is not some place where you may invest your humanity.
You could get on a boat there, get away. That fit with the terrorism hypothesis.