If you're trying to take a roomful of people by surprise, it's a lot easier to hit your targets if you don't yell going through the door.
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
Cheese - milk's leap toward immortality.
My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.
A joke's a very serious thing.
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.