Yet again
My dear friend,
I'm writing you a letter, public letter, to casually inform you that the gold thread between us has been permanently damaged.
You have affected me more than you will ever know. Or maybe you already do?
No matter how much I despised the thought, there is a strong possibility you have done this with a purpose. To make yourself feel better, stronger, more powerful. But it is not fair to be led by your past experiences. Not fair to those of us who have already suffered enough, those who do not deserve the treatment of that kind, those who are still innocent and good deep inside...
There is one thing that I cannot understand and I'm not sure if I ever will be able to.
Maybe it comes from my inexperience and not knowing how these dynamics work.
But the difference in your trifling...
Yes, I'm calling it that on purpose, for that's what it seems to me now.
Play, trickery...
I wonder how a mind of a liar works. Mind of someone who plays for his pleasure, selfishly disregarding feelings of others.
Yes, I must admit, feelings were involved.
Yearning for a friendly word, helpful advice...
Physical contact was just a bonus, that extra you earn when you do something good.
A reward.
At least to me it felt like so.
I enjoyed it. Thought I deserved to feel good.
I keep going back to said words.
I reread what was written and I wonder...
I wonder if I consciously knew what was waiting around the corner, leaving the door open for a masochist in me to appear its ugly face yet again.
It hurts.
I admit it again.
It hurts to be pulled like a ball on a yarn.
To have my feelings tumbled, as if I wasn't already confused as it is.
And you said you wouldn't hurt me...
Pathetic.
There might be few other words here dedicated to you.
But I think I will try to leave that part of my life behind me.
I will close my eyes and pretend you don't exist.
I will suffer, but I will get over.
Just as I got over everything else that skewed my path.
Leaving the dust behind, I won.
And I will...yet again.
Post je objavljen 27.07.2007. u 06:06 sati.