I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
Never rely on the glory of the morning nor the smiles of your mother-in-law.
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.
It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.