Hey, come over here. Meet her. She is special. Look at her. She is everything you need. She will fix everything. Just let her do the work. She will give you everything. All your dreams, hopes, everything you’ve ever wanted.
Everyone admires you. But the best part is, you can say stop. When you become too happy. You can stop her. You know you can. Can you really? She has given you so much. But, you want more. But she won`t give you more. You think it is just a short crisis. You keep on living like she is still with you. All of her.
But, no, there is something missing. The key part. The main part. The part that kept you together. The part that made all the pain worth while. Where is that part? Who is the one that remained? Now you see the different side of her. The ugly one. Oh, yes, you are not a fool. You knew about the ugly side before. That is not new. But, you are special. You could control her. Could you? You didn’t let her take your identity. You are still the same old you. Same but improved. She helped you. Of course she did. So why is she doing it now? No. Is she doing it? Or is it you? Is there “a she”? Or was it you all along. No, there is a she. Everyone knows about her. But not everyone knows her. You do. You really think you do? Form all the millions who couldn’t fight her, you think you are the special one who can control her. Use her for your own good and give nothing back? Well, you know, nothing comes for free. Capitalism. Random thoughts. No, clear your head. Focus. Find the answer. Why are you still sitting here? Sitting won`t help you. Do. Do something. DO!
No. I wont. I will find the answer.
Bullshit. Bunch of bullshit.
Oh, here you are.
Yes, here I am.
You were here all along, were you?
You know I was, so why asking?
Dunno, I guess the poet in me thought it sounded well. Poetic. Meaningful.
Special maybe?
Maybe. You are distracting me right?
Yes, I am. We are talking for the first time now. You know that’s more interesting than just another boring self revealing essay with no conclusion.
Oh, but we did talk before, just not like this. Stop it. Don’t do that.
What, stop it? I did not came here by myself. You know it. I know it. You invited me. I didn’t want top come. You were such a pretty girl. You still had a chance. A bit messed, but still in a good shape to crawl out of the pit. But you didn’t want to. You thought I will make you special. And you kept calling me. Week after week. So I came. You thought you were still in control, did you? Silly girl. But, you knew who I am. What I bring. You were the smart girl. Smart girls fail first. So full of your self, you thought you could just take the best and run, ei? Well, you got it. You were special. Wearing that victory smile all the time. I was your little secret that kept you going, was I? I made you special. I was the shining talisman in you that kept you going forward. Forward to my arms. And so you came. Not completely , I must say. But close enough so I could grab your arms and hold you thight. You felt it, did you? These few days. So you got a bit afraid, you then first time saw that I maybe still control you. So you told someone about me, did you? Of course. Who else? he is your rock. You knew he will know what to do. And he listened for a while. He was such a good listener. You felt better did you? Yes you did. You thought he was gonna help you? Well, he didn’t. its your fault. No one else`s. yes, deep down you knew it. You tried to accuse everybody else. but it was you. It was you who let me in. it was you who made me part of you. And that is the hardest is it? To kill a part of yourself. Still, you think it could go back like before. Few times, you actually thought you finally got rid of me. Stupid. You paid for that, didn’t you? Yes, that should made me go away, shouldn’t it? Yess, I let you think that. Wallow in your own hell. In the dark. But, someone came and hit the light. Yes, it was he. But he was here before. A noone. How possibly he could help you? Actually, he might could. But, for that, you would have to be honest, right? Yea, we both know it ain`t gonna happen. You know its your own battle. Fight it. I am not the evil. The part of you is. Don’t do the same mistake again. I know what are you thinking. Just like the old days, ei? But honey, don’t fool yourself. It was so easy only because I let you control me for few minutes. I gave you a second chance. Or is it a third one? Sorry, I lost track. Now you know, sweetheart, you cant control me. Sooner or later, I shall grab you. But not just your arms. And when that happens, I wont give you no chances. There will be no easy way to run away. You will be mine. I will control you. You know that, you’ve read about that. I have done it before. Oh, but you are special right? Look at yourself in the mirror and then see for yourself if that’s true. But you are a smart girl. You don’t need a mirror. You can feel it. You can feel the cost you paid the first time. It was not a good was to get rid of me. But you have learned. Use that. Im not the devil. Im not the demon. You called me here. you want me to go? Then start acting like that. Take control. Make me go, and I shall go.
Post je objavljen 22.04.2008. u 19:58 sati.