As life would have it, yesterday, on the 11th anniversary of my arrival in the Netherlands (it was Thursday that day in 1997, too) two of the most troubling issues that were fueling my crisis were resolved, once and forever. I now have a clear idea where do I stand and what do I need to do to leave these grueling, awful 20 months of the most serious, the deepest personal crisis in my life behind me and re-establish that old (but better!) fun-oriented, life-loving Ptitchitza that some of you (still) remember.
One issue was work, the other was Maria.
I had a meeting at the Tribunal and was told clearly that they do not want me back so I can forget about working there again. They are moving to dismiss me on medical grounds, which means that I will, later in this year, be officially retired (age 41) and enjoy (pretty much) half of my salary every month until I live. If I live until the age 95 (not a likely prospect if I continue smoking as much as I do) that actually makes me a millionaire! Half of my salary equals an average salary in the Netherlands. With another job, that means I will more-or-less be able to count on my current (rather high) income. And so I have become free at last. Like the Prince, after he was wearing that "SLAVE" word on his cheak to mark the nature of his contract with his then record company, I have emancipated myself.
Unfortunately, I will have to move out of my apartment and pack all that shit lying about again. I will use this disgusting exercise to get rid of some of that shit, so that I can "travel" and live lighter in future. I will let out the apartment and move back to Croatia, where I will recover and forget this crisis in peace and establish the fundaments of my future life. I plan to polish up my Dutch, while in "exile" (in my own country) and learn elementary Turkish, then come back to the Netherlands and start again, with a clean slate and a possibility of making myself a normal part of this (very socialist and organised) society.
This blog is coming to an end. I will be starting a new one soon, where -- hopefully -- many of the already mentioned episodes (and new ones) will be able to be described not in a factographic, linear way but (if my talent will be sufficient) as more interesting stories, with some literary value and a clearer sense of narration and drama.
Post je objavljen 07.03.2008. u 12:42 sati.