She does. She's not a Saint, however much she'd like to become a nun in some monastery. She's G_d. There's no more exact proof of Her existance either. In G_dess I trust.
I'm not contactible either, these days. I've mysteriously lost my SIM card the other day, but have found a Nederlandse Spoorwegen card valid for 2008, the one that I have never received before finding it in my wallet.
I never told you how I met, how I recognised Maria. I just told you (at the end of July) how I got to the Intensive Psychiatric Clinic, where I spent three days until the Judge set me free. Maria was there for months, she was supposed to stay until January this year. I was seeing her every day. She was transferred to on Open Clinic in the midst of Rotterdam's Sodoma and Gomora, in the West, couple of minutes away from Thirsty Garry's, the Dizzy jazz club, all the sex shops, coffeeshop, and whorehouses in the Nieuwe Binnenweg.
I'm not goint to tell you now either, I'm too drunk.
I'll just tell you that in my three days I was warned twice that physical contact between "the inmates" is forbidden. Maria and me were caught twice in varying degrees of nakedness in her room. When I put the palm of my hand on her stomack she began shivering, her body was shiverring. I never saw this before, except on film.
"You made me feel like a woman", she said. It's been months she's felt that way. What greater compliment can a man hear? Tell me, I want to know!
"We can walk together, we can talk, we can make love." She said. I like doing ANYTHING with her.
She told me in the clinic she may have AIDS. "I'm getting tested tomorrow." I never asked for the results. I didn't need to. I trusted her, I trust her. If I was wrong about her I wanted to die. If I'm wrong about her I want to die.
I am healthy. "You need a normal girlfriend", she would say a month later. She even tried to take me to a famous disco club to find a girlfriend for me. It's a mission. I took her home, we made love, I played Lhasa de Sela's "Living Road" and cried on every fucking verse.
"I don't like your mission!", I cried.
"You're sensitive, aren't you?", said Maria.
I KNOW she loved me, even when she announced her Mission. But what kind of woman in love wants to find another woman for the man she loves? An abnormal one.
I am normal enough for both of us, Maria.
MARIA!!!
Dime me la verda, goddamnit. Try. Set me free. I have set you free.
Post je objavljen 09.02.2008. u 14:25 sati.