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Shalom Auslander, Beware of God: Heimish Knows All
It was Shabbos morning, and Heimish lay uneasily on his tartan dogbed beside the radiator, watching Shlomo furiously jerking himself off. Heimish's dark, wet eyes filled with loathing and contempt.
„Look at you,“ the dog said. „If it weren't so sinful it'd be pathetic.“
Shlomo was only ten years old and somewhat new to the whole masturbating thing, so he needed every bit of concentration he could muster.
„Ugh,“ growled Heimish, „have some self-respect“.
Shlomo angrily stood up, held a towel in front of himself and opened the bedroom door.
„Whoa, whoa,“ said Heimish. „Watch where you're pointing that thing.“
„Out!“ said Shlomo. „Go on!“
„Oh, thank God,“ said Heimish as he slinked toward the door. „I thought you wanted to fuck me.“
„Out!“
„Pig.“
Shlomo slammed the door. What a pain in the ass that dog had been lately. He looked down at the shriveling organ in his hand.
„You call that a penis?“ he thought to himself.
Shlomo felt ashamed. He worried that God would punish him. He had been told by his rabbis that if you masturbate you go to hell and they boil you in a pot filled with all the semen that you wasted in your lifetime. He wondered if the rabbis were right. He wondered how full his pot was.
He went back to bed, added a few more shots to his boiling cauldron and got dressed for shul.
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Post je objavljen 16.12.2007. u 01:32 sati.