Dark clouds started gathering, floating on the southbound wind. He sat on the beach, his bare feet buried into the fine sand. Kate looked at him for a moment and smiled. He tried to smile back. She looked almost happy, knee-deep in the cold water, wearing her funny orange shorts. Things, thoughts seemed somewhat muffled by the desolation and the absence of interaction with the rest of the world. The silence almost stifled the screams of death. James felt disturbingly emotionless.
Sometimes, only momentarily, he would forget about the year which was behind them, but still embedded into every pore of their lives. At those forgetful moments he could see hope, he could feel the future; at those moments he was able to dream.
She sat next to him; sand clung to her wet legs. The clouds shrouded the sun and obliterated the horizon.
- There’s no point, Kate voiced
He looked at he face; sunken cheeks, pale lips and tired, mirthless eyes.
- The sun is gone. I can’t find anything in the absence of light.
He put his arm around her and kissed her lightly; everything they did was done lightly.
- Don’t worry. The sun is up there. It will show up eventually.
He did not mention that the clouds will be back as well. They always came back. There was no escape. They brought the cold, the dark and the pain of the dead days with them.
The rain started dripping from the bruised sky. Kate got up no her feet.
- You go in honey. I’m going to stay here for a while.
They did not talk. Words were redundant and unnatural to them. Sometimes there was an implication of a conversation between the words which were actually uttered; however, the conversation itself never took place.
Raindrops felt like needles on his skin. How was it possible to monopolize grief? They both did it. They cherished the pain, kept it locked up. He cried. He hadn’t cried until that very moment when he thought it was sensible to break into bitter tears.
There was too much emptiness in both of them. They died that night, and those human remnants were not capable of love. The only thing they could resort to was consumption, an attempt to feel whole.
The old days were buried deep under the sorrow of the present. Days of blissful solitude; even when they had been among hundreds of glittering masks, even when the world had not been left behind – solitude. Their own little universe had existed far away from the throes of earthly reality. Had those days ever took place? Days spent between four walls while music and crooning danced through the same window on which they sat for hours, holding each other in amusement, watching people as they flowed through the city streets. Days spent between the sheets; getting to know each other in a different way; no need to steal moments to love each other with vigour and unrestrained curiosity. No more clumsy attempts at love. They had been free to be alone. Now they were bound in solitude.
They used to smile together, now they smiled at each other. Silence had never been belligerent before, it had never felt disruptive. They were supposed to overcome in solitude, but the solitude overcame both of them individually.
For the first time all seemed indefinite, ceaseless; all that remained was the past, tattooed, black history carved into their lives.
Even the warmth of Kate’s body felt cold, her skin was abrasive against his. Her suppressed moans pierced through his skull as painful screams.
Nothing was mellow. There was no gentle descent into the void of days to come.
"And death shall have no dominion"
Post je objavljen 18.06.2007. u 10:17 sati.