Jack Bauer facts:
1) Jack Bauer can break anyone and anything, but he will always break the protocol first.
2) Jack Bauer asked for a gun and a can of Red Bull. He ate the gun and killed five terrorists. The purpose of the Red Bull remains unknown.
3) Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
4) Don't ever ask Jack Bauer what is going on. He'll explain in the car.
5) Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English.
6) When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.
7) Jack Bauer arrested RoboCop.
8) When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."
9) Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Jack Bauer would meanwhile do something important.
10) Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
11) Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
12) Bauer is not word, it is a sentence...A death sentence.
13) If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.
14) A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.
15) The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
16) When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
17) Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
18) Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."
19) When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload.
20) If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
21) Jack once shot himeself 10 times, just to prove 50 cent is a bitch.
22) If Jack Bauer was president, he would protect the secret service.
23) Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
24) When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
25) ...and on the seventh day Jack Bauer said, "I'll take it from here."
26) Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He has a Bauerwall. It's basically just a JPEG of Jack Bauer.
27) Jack Bauer does not let women on top during sex. Why? Because Jack Bauer never fucks up.
28) Jack Bauer once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
29) When playing "Truth or Dare," Jack Bauer dares you not to tell him the truth.
30) Jack Bauer once won a game of Monopoly by torturing the other game pieces until they went into jail.
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Kad vas policija iduci put zaustavi, probajte neke od ovih stvari:
1. Ako policajac prica s tobom, pretvaraj se da si gluh.
2. Pitaj ga mozes li vidjeti njegov pistolj.
3. Ako neda, nego te pita zasto, reci da hoces vidjeti da li je veci od
tvojega.
4. Rukuj se s njim i stalno ga dodiruj.
5. Pitaj ga gdje je dobio takvu ludu odjecu.
6. Pitaj ga da li ti posudi svoj kostim
7. Pitaj ga za ime i prezime i onda ga oslovljavaj samo imenom.
8. Pretvaraj se da si peder i pitaj ga hoce li izaci s tobom.
9. Ako kaze ne, pocni plakati.
10. Ako kaze da, prijavi ga nadredjenima.
11. Ako te hoce pregledati i kaze da moras rasiriti noge, reci mu da te ne
zanima.
12. Reci mu da ti se svidjaju muskarci u uniformi.
13. Potkupi ga slatkisima.
14. Probaj istovremeno s njim reci: "Dobro vecer gospodine, vozacku i
prometnu molim."
15. Ako ti da nesto za potpisati, prvo se pocesi po guzici pa onda uzmi
njegovu olovku u ruku.
16. Ako ti da kemijsku u ruke, skrivaj je, rastavi i izvadi ulozak.
17. Pitaj ga ima li kcerku. Ako da, reci mu da ti je poznato njegovo
prezime.
18. Nek ti sve objasni dvaput.
19. Ponovi potiho sve sto on kaze.
20. Pricaj sam sa sobom.
21. Probaj mu prodati svoj auto.
22. Pitaj ga, hoce li ti prodati svoj auto.
23. Ako te hoce voditi u policijsku postaju, pitaj mozes li ti sjediti
naprijed.
24. Ako moras sjediti straga, probaj ga pipkati po glavi kroz resetku.
25. Prije nego krenete provjeri jeste li svi vezani.
26. Brzo uzmi limenku piva i otvori prije nego dodje do tvojega auta.
27. Nek ti pridrzi pivo dok trazis dokumente.
28. Reci mu barem dvaput da prtljaznik ne treba pregledavati.
29. Pitaj ga je li on jedan od Village People i pitaj gdje su ostali.
30. Pitaj ga je li ikad ubio covjeka.
31. Ako odgovori da, pitaj je li to bilo na poslu.
32. S osmjehom na odlasku mu reci: "Pozdravi zenu i moju djecu"
33. drzi gajbu pive na suvozackom sjedalu, naravno vezanu
34. kad mu pruzas vozacku, uvali unutra mito od 2 lipe.
35. pitaj ga ako moras puhati, hoce li prije dezinficirati svoju zvizdaljku
36. glumi da nemozes otkopcati pojas, pa ga zamoli da ti pomogne. Ako on
lud to i ucini, pa kaze; eto uopce nije bio blokiran, reci da to nije remen
na koji si mislio.
36b.reci da ti se zablokirao volan. Pa ga pitaj jel on zna spojit zice da
se upali auto bez kljucha i otkljuca volan.
37. ako je vecer, stavi sunchane naocale. Ak pita da skines, reci da imas
ruzne podocnjake nakon tuluma.
38. dok kopas po pretincu, ponudi ga upotrijebljenom pepermint zvakom i
pitaj jel treba rabljene baterije za svoju svjetlechu lizalicu.
39. u prometnoj drzi upakirani prezervativ. ak pita zasto to, reci da ne
ides u promet bez zastite.
40. kad ti se priblizhi, ukljuchi brisac zadnjeg stakla. ak te trazi da
iskljuchis, pitaj ga hoce li ti on onda tjerat muhe s dupeta.
41. kad te pita imas li vozacku, pravi se da ne cujes dobro, pa kad se
priblizi da ti ponovi, reci; digresija gospodine, morate pit
kvalitetnije vino. od ovog vam smrdi iz usta na kilometar.
42. kad vas zaustavi odma recite da niste vi i da vas je cinkao pravi
krivac.
43. pitaj kak to da neki policajci imaju bijele rukavice/narukvice i
pokrivala za kape, a neki ne drze do higijene i jel to onda kaznjivo?
44. prvu pomoc izvadi iz kutije i drzi u koristenom papirnatom skarniclu iz
mesnice.
45. ako imas elektricne podizace stakla, dok ti prica, igraj se njima. pa
se pohvali: a jeste vidli? bez ruku! A da samo vidite automatski servo
volan!
46. Pitaj ga da ti objasni kad je vec tu, kako to, da ti skrguche mjenjach
kad oces prebaciti u Reli brzinu?
47. Kad te zaustavi, pitaj jel moze samo trenutak pricekati, da se ides
pomokriti.
48. ne stisavaj glazbu. i reci da su novi tapecirungi u vratima zbog novih
zvucnika a ne zbog sverca droge od prosli tjedan.
__________________
evo, malo glupavih finti....
-=antonio=-
Post je objavljen 14.06.2007. u 21:43 sati.