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METAL FAIRYTALES
POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives to the castle on a white horse with wings, avoids the dragon, saves the princess and finally they run away and make love.
TRUE METAL
The protagonist arrives at the castle and defeats the dragon in a terrible battle using his sword. Then he makes love to the princess covered with the dragon’s blood.
THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives at the castle, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives at the castle riding a Harley Davidson, kills the dragon, drinks some beers along with the princess and when they are both drunk, have sex.
FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives at the castle with several friends, playing the accordion, laud, mandolin, fiddle and other odd instruments. The dragon, after dancing the whole night, falls asleep. In the morning they leave the
castle with the dragon...forgetting the princess.
VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives at the castle in a ship, kills the dragon with an axe, cooks and eats him. Then he rapes the princess, ransacks the castle and sets it on fire before leaving.
DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess, kills the princess and leaves.
BLACK METAL
He arrives at dawn, in a deep fog, kills the dragon and impales him in front of the castle. After that, he sodomizes the princess, cuts her up with a knife and drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Later on, he realizes that the princess wasn’t a virgin and impales her besides the dragon.
GRINDCORE
He arrives, kills the dragon, climbs the tower, rides the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the princess again, sets her body on fire and fucks her one more time.
DOOM METAL
Arrives at the castle, looks at the size of the dragon, gets depressed and kills himself. The dragon eats the protagonist’s body and then eats the princess too.
NU METAL
Arrives at the castle and boasts about his fighting skills and his ability to beat the dragon. Then he is hammered by the dragon and gets deeply depressed. After, he runs away and finds the princess in the forest, and tells her about his tragic childhood. The princess slaps him in the face and goes to look for the "Heavy Metal" protagonist. The Nu metal protagonist tales some Prozac and records a "Best Of...".
ROCK N’ROLL
Arrives on a motorbike, smoking a joint, which he offers to the dragon, who he knew from a party. Then installs a tent in the rear of the garden, calls the princess and after a few hours of sex, drugs and rock and roll, takes some LSD, overdoses and dies, choking on his own vomit.
HARD ROCK
Arrives at the castle in a red Cadillac with two blondes with big boobs, drinking Jack Daniels. Kills the dragon with a knife and then has an orgy with the blondes and the princess.
GLAM
Arrives at the castle. When the dragon looks at him, the dragon begins laughing and lets him get in. When in the castle, our protagonist steals the princess's lipstick. Later on, convinces the dragon to paint the castle pink and to take some cocaine.
PUNK
Throws a stone at the dragon. Paints a big A on the castle wall. Shaves
the princess's head and sets up a fanzine and a merchandising stand in the
castle corridor.
PROGRESSIVE
Arrives playing a 26 min virtuosity guitar solo, the dragon is so bored he dies. After that, he goes to the princess and plays another guitar solo, exploring every compass technique and scale he learned in college. The princess runs away looking for the Heavy Metal protagonist
Post je objavljen 19.03.2007. u 23:40 sati.