Juppiii!!!!!!!!!!! Danas mi je bas biloo kool u skoli!!!! Dobio sAm 5,5 iz povijesti, 5 iz vjeronauka (teska stvar =) ) i 5,5 iz fizike!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kak sam sretan... No ipak mislim da su od mene sretniji Juventus i njegovi navijači jer su sinoć nezasluženo (čak i po meni) pobijedili Werder 2:1!!! Pogotke su zabili Trezegeut i Emerson za Juve, a za Werder Micoud!!!!
NEznam sta pisat pa evo nest o Chucku Norrisu:
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Noris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris thought up some of the funniest Chuck Norris facts ever, but he hasn't submitted them to the site because he doesn't believe in any form of submission.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Most men are OK with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing. Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.
Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses. 505 7.537
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris 459 7.524
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. 405 7.500
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants. 322 7.488
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. 419 7.482
Chuck Norris once killed 5 people in less than a second. The only thing he said after this incident was, "Damn it, when Chuck Norris doesn't want Girl Scout cookies, Chuck Norris doesn't want Girl Scout cookies." 142 7.473
Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person. 455 7.459
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 537 7.458
Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings. 514 7.449
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 341 7.413
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris 437 7.406
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down. 466 7.396
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club. 392 7.396
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. 605 7.378
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live. 140 7.368
They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Niether does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to. 529 7.347
If you try to introduce your mother to Chuck Norris, she'll introduce you to your biological father. 205 7.321
The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Chuck Norris" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!". 438 7.300
If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying. 416 7.298
Chuck Norris once survived a suicide bombing. He was the bomber. 175 7.291
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis. 517 7.281
Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved. 466 7.281
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident. 393 7.277
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper. 298 7.268
Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris. 298 7.268
Every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy boot on its jaw. Scientists are baffled, but we know damn well why. 356 7.265
Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off. 376 7.230
During a prostate exam, Chuck Norris' doctor found 3 severed, gloved index fingers in his rectum. When the doctor asked what the last 3 doctors had done to earn their fate, Chuck Norris explained that they all said "You're not so tough now are you?" 224 7.225
Contrary to popular belief, George Bush is a great speaker and rarely mispronounces words. He appears incompetent because he knows Chuck Norris is watching. 1197 7.210
Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Chuck Norris so he can scare the shit out of them. 489 7.191
Chuck Norris once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, "Who is Chuck Norris?" to every question. It was the first and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every single question right. 445 7.177
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids. 480 7.164
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. 451 7.158
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Chuck Norris. 229 7.156
Chuck Norris gave cats nine lives so he could kill them more. 236 7.151
Microsoft has released a new Anti-virus removal tool called Chuck Norris. The tool dares the virus to enter the machine. 193 7.148
In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris. 400 7.142
Chuck Norris once won the Gold, Silver and Bronze in the Women's Bobsled. No one ever questioned how he did it. 200 7.142
If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris. 271 7.131
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. 399 7.125
Bigfoot does exist, he's just hiding because he cut off the Chuck Norris at an intersection. 57 7.125
Chuck Norris once had a near death experience. Needless to say, Death now refuses to come near him. 235 7.121
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef. 242 7.117
Chuck Norris uses Viagra eyedrops so he can look hard. 249 7.114
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris. 355 7.100
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. 362 7.098
Chuck Norris was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run. 326 7.086
Chuck Norris can divide by zero. 623 7.079
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian. 481 7.073
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris 353 7.060
Chuck Norris can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Chuck Norris is. 367 7.057
Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven. Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat." 302 7.023
If you come home to find Chuck Norris doing your wife, it's probably best to go fetch a glass of water and stand there in case Chuck gets thirsty. There ain't no future in any other course of action. 421 7.016
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack. 371 7.000
Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days. 329 7.000
Women never say no to Chuck Norris. Even if they don't want to, they know its eventually gonna happen. 308 7.000
Only Chuck Norris is capable of consecutively firing a six-shooter seven times. 84 7.000
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush. 307 6.977
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once ate a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. 432 6.967
Chuck Norris raped Tony Danza and Bruce Springsteen simultaneously one day just to make them aware that Chuck Norris is the fucking boss. 174 6.960
Heart disease may be the new leading cause of death in women age 45 to 65, but Chuck Norris is still the leading cause of death in men age 0 to 125. 299 6.953
When Chuck Norris laughs too hard while drinking milk, he accidently shits a cow. 285 6.951
When writing "Romeo & Juliet" Shakespeare originally thought about Chuck Norris to play Romeo but in the end this could not happen because no poison could kill Chuck Norris. Ever. 187 6.925
Chuck Norris ends every relationship with "Its not me, its you". 367 6.924
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris. 339 6.918
Chuck Norris loves playing Horseshoes. But nobobdy has ever built up the courage to tell Chuck that throwing midgets at gigantic piece of rusty metal is not the way everyone else plays. 166 6.916
There are currently 5 viruses in population that could eradicate the worlds' population in less than a week. They are lying low because Chuck Norris does not like competition. 159 6.913
Fatality: (noun) ability to cause death disaster, or destruction. See also; Roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris. 152 6.909
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost. 345 6.900
The first lunar eclipse took place after Chuck Norris challenged the sun to a staring contest. Chuck Norris always wins. 310 6.888
Chuck Norris' spice rack contains, in order: Cayenne pepper, Tabasco sauce, blood, essence of pain, and weapons-grade plutonium. 117 6.882
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone. 192 6.857
Chuck Norris thought Arnold's movie "Commando" was lacking in senseless killings. 377 6.854
Chuck Norris was actually James Cameron's first choice for the Terminator, but backed out after saying the character would ruin his "toughguy" image. 82 6.833
Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you. 389 6.824
The "C-section" is named after Chuck Norris, for when he roundhouse kicked himself through his mothers stomach. 116 6.823
Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. 346 6.784
Not only does Chuck Norris talk in the third-person, he sees in the third-person. 318 6.765
Chuck Norris's friends once threw him a surprise birthday party. Unfortunately, when Chuck Norris unexpectedly saw all those people in his house, his mind involuntarily went into "defense/kill" mode. Chuck Norris lost many dear friends that day.
ZNAM DA VAM SE NEDA ČITAT, AL NEĆETE POŽALIT AK PROČITATE SVE....
KOMENTIRAJTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OBAVEZNO!!!!!!!!!!
Post je objavljen 08.03.2006. u 20:28 sati.