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MAMA THE AUTO IS GOING TO POGAZI US!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE CROATIAN WHEN
All meals your parents have ever prepared contain one
key ingredient "Vegeta"
You were still in elementary school the first time you got drunk
You are never ever allowed to sit by an open window
for fear of catching pneumonia from the "propuh" (even
in the middle of summer)
There is a bar in your church hall that contains a 2
year supply of Brandy
You insist that you can spot a Serb from a mile away
The use of vulgar language at home is unacceptable,
unless it is Croatian
English words are acceptable if used with the ending
"A-T-I" which makes them Croatian..."play-ati",
"study-ati"
Your Dida mowes the lawn in knee high black socks and
sandals
Your Dida has a shot of Rakija for breakfast
At least one family member makes his own wine
"Sljivovica" is used not only to celebrate at all
occasions, but to cure illness and as a massage lotion
as well
At the age of 13, you are allowed to go out of town
with your friends for Croatian soccer tournaments,
folklore festivals and dances
Your parents were at the function where you got drunk
The majority of your friends are also your relatives,
even if they aren't your relatives, you refer to their
parents as "Teta" and "Striko"
You are the only kid in your class who doesn't get to
sleep in on Saturdays because of "Hrvatska Skola"
"Kuhace" are not only used for stirring when
cooking...they are also used by Mama to beat you when
there is no "siba" handy
At least once before you've told your parents that
you'll call the police to report "child abuse" and
your parents said "Samo probaj"
Mama beat you in public on at least one occasion
When leaving the house to go out, you always receive
the same warnings(regardless of age): -"Pazi sta
radis", "Pamet u glavu", "Nemoj me sramotit", "Nemoj
da ja sta cujem"
Sadly, if something actually does happen, somehow
Mama will know before you make it home
Mama gets pissed off at you for bringing home
McDonalds saying, "sta ce ti taj junk?"
Your parents insist that you'll end up a nobody if
you don't graduate from "fakultet"
Lunch on sundays have more courses than Amerikanci
have for Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner
You know that in addition to fruit flavoured Jello,
that gelatin can also be prepared with pigs feet
You love "pasteta", but don't like bringing it to
school or work for lunch because you'd be embarassed
if someone asked you what it was
There is a slab of fat in your fridge called SLANINA
Your mother washes the dishes before putting them in
the dishwasher
Vegetarianism is not a concept your parents
understand
All other action stops when you hear people speaking
Serbian in a store somewhere and your mom starts to
talk to you in english so that the serbian people
won't find out you speak "their" language and start
trying to be your friend.
You have at least one short-wave radio in your house
You smell garlic on the old man's breath behind you
sitting on the klupa in church on Sunday mornings
You live with your parents until you are married
Mama thinks that whenever you get sick it's because
you didn't eat enough
When upset, it isn't unusual for Tata to send you "u
pizdu materinu"
Baba and Dida wear at least 3 layers of clothing in
all seasons
Dida and/or Baka spits into a napkin at the dinner
table
Your parents turn the channel when there is a kissing
scene
Dida & Baka insist you are quiet while he watches the
news even though he doesn't understand a single word
they're saying. Regardless of the fact he doesn't
understand what they're saying, he knows more about
what's going on in the world than you do
You never got the "Birds and the Bees" talk from Mama
and Tata as you were growing up
Whenever your parents said "vidit cemo" you knew that
it meant "NO!"
Everything that goes wrong in the world can somehow
be traced back to Serbs
Your cousin in Croatia who calls you to send him
money had a cell phone before you and wears only name
brand clothing
Your relatives in Croatia think it's strange if you
are not married by the age of 18
You are only allowed to vacation in the homeland
You are only allowed to speak Croatian at home
You have 17 consenants in your name and only 2 vowels
Your 13 yr old sister can out drink any Amerikanac
You cringe when you hear the word BATINE and hide
Your parents still prefer buying cassete's over cd's
No one can pronounce your last name and every kid on
the block has a nickname for it
A CROATIAN wedding consists of a minimum of 1000
people, 2/3 of which you dont even know
Post je objavljen 19.01.2006. u 08:47 sati.