ponedjeljak, 30.04.2007.
Evo me....
Evo konacno uhvatih vremena da se javim...
Tj. kod kuce sam pa mogu nesmetano tipkati bez straha da ce moja mala slatka tajna biti otkrivena..
...buduci da je netko mojim pametnim cimericama bacio jebenu bubu u uho, a posto su one tako dobre i brizne prema meni kotroliraju svaki moj korak...
...a zbog nekih sranja na fakultetu tj. zbog zloporabe racunala... sada se provjerava svaka sitnica koja se salje sa fakultetskog servera, a i postavili su kotrole u racunalnu ucionicu tako da ti guraju nos i ako zelis poslati privatni mail.
Sramota... na sta smo spali......
Dakle, kod mene sve isto...
Ne povracam. Od onog dana od kad sam obecala.
Radim.
Pa opet radim.
Pa ucim. (Dala sam jedan ispit nedavno. Dakle, jos 5 to go.. )
Dijeta?
Hm...
Ne znam... Kao da imam u sebi neki jebeni obrambeni mehanizam koji se aktivira svaki put kad dodjem do 50kg i onda ode sve u .... materinu....
Pocnem se prezderavat... i to traje 5-6 dana i opet skocim na 53 - 54 kg..
Onda se opet skuliram i tako u krug.
Zacarani krug....
No, danas sam obecala sebi... isto onako kako sam si obecala da vise necu povracati... ...da cu do ljeta opet biti lijepa, mrsava i sretna...
Drzite mi fige da mi uspije. (Po ne znam koji put vas to trazim,ali zato ste tu, zar ne? )
Danas sam bila u shopingu... kupovala sam hlace i skoro dobila kompletni slom zivaca...
To tako vise ne ide, jer ako sada ne stanem na loptu, opet cu doci na staro.
Jebeni yo - yo efekt i onda nisam napravila nista....
Mogu vam reci da redovito vjezbam. tj. ako se 3 puta tjedno smatra redovito, plus jos sto radim ponekad cijeli dan ili cijelu noc....
I dalje se hranim onako kako sam napisala u jednom od prijasnjih postova, ali eto, ponekad se zalomi i jebiga... pretjeram kolicinski...
U Afganistanu je bilo malih problema, dogodila se nesreca, no sva sreca, sa sretnim zavrsetkom tako da je sada sve pod kontrolom...
Sada cu prosvrljati malo po vasim blogovima da vidim kako vama ide.
Drzte mi se curke, javit cu se cim budem stigla i budem u prilici...
mislim na vas...
volim vas...
i ljubim....
- 23:02 -
Pljuni na blog ;) (20) -
Pljuni na papir ;)> -
#
subota, 07.04.2007.
Tu sam...
Opet me nije dugo bilo, ali to ne znaci da ne mislim na Vas i da sam odustala od svog nauma.
Razlog sto nisam dugo pisala lezi u tome da sam pocela raditi.
Ne, nisam diplomirala, nisam dobila posao u struci...
Radim jedan tipican studentski posao...
Naime, u jednom zagrebackom hipermarketu (gdje nasmijana lica guraju kolica) popunjavam police cokoladama i keksima, nutellama, cipsevima i ostalim grickalicama.
Da, dobro ste procitale... cokoladama i keksima.
Kad sam skuzila na koji odjel su me poslali skoro sam pala u nesvjest.
I tako nekoliko sati dnevno...slazem te jebene cokolade, bombone, kekse, bombonjere.... (posao ko stvoren za moj perfekcionizam )
Cokolade od 3 kn pa do 133 kn.... uf...
Prvi dan mi je doslo da pojedem cijelu policu, ali sad sam vec razvila takvu toleranciju da mi ni na kraju radnog vremena ne pada na pamet pojesti nesto takvoga.
Dijeta napreduje. Puno radim, krecem se.. Jedem onako kako sam vam napisala u proslom postu..
Ne vozim se vise tramvajima, osim ako je ruzno vrijeme...
Sada sve obavljam biciklom, pjesice ili na rolama...
Nisam jos pocela uciti, ali ispiti samo sto nisu, tako da i to planiram ugurati u svoj plan i raspored.
Popunila sam si vrijeme maximalno tako da na hranu ne stignem ni pomisliti. Od svih tih silnih obaveza jos stignem i 3 puta tjedno na aerobik.
U principu, zadovoljna sam i molim Boga da tako i ostane...
Vojnik se redovito javlja, cujemo se... to je sve ok...
Ako mislite da sjedim doma prekrstenih ruku i u najboljim godinama i cekam da se vrati - varate se...
Izlazim sve u sesnaest, zabavljam se, upoznala sam hrpu dobrih tipova, otkrila puno zanimljivih ljudi, dobila mnogo brojeva mobitela ... tako da me moja nocna mora ( -> citaj: Dosada) nije vec jako dugo posjetila....
Eh da, bila sam vaditi krv, gusteraca mi je stabilna za sada, malo mi jetra steka, secer i tlak preniski, ali nije strasno.. Bilo je i puno gorih nalaza. Osim toga, hranim se zdravo tako da mi je to uvelike pomoglo da popravim krvnu sliku.
Sad je Uskrs, planiram malo zgrijesiti, ali i planiram ne pretjerivati.
I jos nesto, od onog dana otkad sam obecala i sebi i vama - NISAM POVRACALA!
Zainatila sam se i rekla sam sama sebi NE.
NECES VISE! NE SMIJES!
I zbilja nisam. Bilo je jos koji put binganja, ali ne i prstiju u grlu.
Jedva sam se othrvavala potrebi da odem zagrliti wc skoljku, i uspjela sam.
I evo skoro mjesec dana nisam bila s Mijom! Sto mi je rekord...
Jebena Mia ne moze biti jaca od Ane i mene pa da ga jebes.
Ponosna sam na sebe curke moje. Ponosna...
Zelim Vam sve najbolje za Uskrsnje blagdane.
Nadam se da ce vam Zeko donijeti ono sto ste pozeljele i odnesti pokoji kilogram
Pazite na klopu, a ako i zgrijesite, nije to nista strasno.
Pravite se kao da se nista nije dogodilo i nastavite gdje ste stali.
Sad je lijepo vrijeme i voznja biciklom potrosit ce sve kolacice, jaja (koja ja nesmijem jesti) i kuhanu sunku (koju inace ne jedem)
Volim Vas i ljubim.... sve odreda....
- 16:26 -
Pljuni na blog ;) (21) -
Pljuni na papir ;)> -
#
Opis bloga
... a place where no one's lost,
...a place where no one cries,
Crying at all is not allowed,
Not in my
castle on a cloud...
I'm a surviver, I'm gonna make it.....
Visina: 163 cm
1. cilj: 50 kg - ostvareno ali i izgubljeno...sad opet ispocetka
2. cilj: 47 kg
3. cilj: 45 kg
4. cilj: STOP!!!
...Ana's on Earth,
are angels with broken wings,
trying to fly away
all the time...
S posebnom posvetom:
Endless
[Crematory]
The wind whispers my name
Rain drenches my skin
The chill suffocates my gasp
Darkness conceals my scars
Endless Love - Endless Fall - Endless Hate
Endless Call
Endless Love - Endless Fall - Endless Hate
Endless Call
Fear prevents lowly acts
Worriment diminishes secrets proplems
In danger of falling into a trap
The game to slake yourself
Endless Love - Endless Fall - Endless Hate
Endless Call
Let me be your everything - when I'm looking to you
Let me see you when I'm king - when you are my something
Thoughts circle and fade away
The heavens soaked in bloodred
The stars so far and distant
The power to relinquish
Endless Love - Endless Fall - Endless Hate
Endless Call
Let me be your everything - when I'm looking to you
Let me see you when I'm king- when you are my something
Endless Love - Endless Fall - Endless Hate
Endless Call
Endless Love - Endless Fall - Endless Hate
Endless Call
Skin ripened by many days
Lies give away hidden feats
The torso abused by many melees
The birth of a new game
Let me be your everything - when I'm looking to you
Let me see you when I'm king - when you are my something
Endless Love - Endless Fall - Endless Hate
Endless Call
Broken
[Sentenced]
I have come a long way where I started from
but I'm still not even close to where I'm going
(and now) I can no longer see the shine
that has been lighting up my way
I cannot feel its glowing
The fire in my heart is dying
and the zeal I had is gone
This path that I've chosen's a rocky one
Long, hard and frozen it has become
Each turn that I've taken on the way
has only led me back to Hell
I am dying down growing weaker now
It could seem that I'm doing fine
but I'm broken to little pieces deep inside
Why did I ever choose to go this way
The question I keep asking myself all the time
I guess it was my instinct for self-destruction
that pointed me down this way
The fire in my eyes is dying
and the dream I had is gone
This path that I've chosen's a rocky one
Long, hard and frozen it has become
Each turn that I've taken on the way
has only led me back to Hell
I am dying down growing weaker now
It could seem that I'm doing fine
but I'm broken to little pieces deep inside
Big In Japan
[Alphaville, Guano Apes]
Winters cityside
Crystal bits of snowflakes all around my head and in the wind
I had no illusions
That Id ever find a glimps of summers heatwaves in your eyes
You did what you did to me, now its history I see
Heres my comeback on the road again
Things will happen while they can
I will wait here for my man tonight, its easy when your big in japan
When your big in japan, tonight
Big in japan, be tight, big in japan where the eastern seas so blue
Big in japan, alright, pay, then Ill sleep by your side
Things are easy when youre big in japan, when youre big in japan
Neon on my naked skin
Passing silhouettes of strange illuminated mannequins
Shall I stay here at the zoo
Or shall I go and change my point of view for other ugly scenes
You did what you did to me, now its history I see...
Things will happen while they can
I will wait here for my man tonight, its easy when youre big in japan
Going Under
[Evanescence]
Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50 thousand tears I've cried
Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented...Daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again...
(Chorus)
I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
I'm going under
Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again
(Chorus)
So go on and scream
Scream at me
I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe
I can't keep going under
Bring Me To Life
[Evanescence]
how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
now that I know what I’m without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life
frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead
all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become
(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)
One Last Goodbye
[Anathema]
How I needed you
How I grieve now you're gone
In my dreams I see you
I awake so alone
I know you didn't want to leave
Your heart yearned to stay
But the strength I always loved in you
Finally gave way
Somehow I knew you would leave me this way
Somehow I knew you could never.. never stay
And in the early morning light
After a silent peaceful night
You took my heart away
And I grieve
In my dreams I can see you
I can tell you how I feel
In my dreams I can hold you
And it feels so real
I still feel the pain
I still feel your love
I still feel the pain
I still feel your love
And somehow I knew you could never, never stay
And somehow I knew you would leave me
And in the early morning light
After a Silent peaceful night
You took my heart away
I wished, I wished you could have stayed
A Question Of Heaven
[Iced Earth]
The time is close now, the end is near
My walk through the valley, trails of fear
I feel empty, my penance overdue,
I guess it's too late now to be with you
I'm extremely frightened of what will surely be
I sold myself, the death of me
I know you can't forgive me I know I'm on my own,
I've betrayed you I walk alone
What exactly is the meaning of this
Just pawns in your twisted game
Severe pain for the lie I'm livin'
For a love I never could betray
Question me not say the lord unto thee
You have chosen your own fate and your own destiny
Denied of this life is what you are to be
You have chosen your own fate and your own destiny
Lord I pound my fists at you
Won't you just let me die
Would I not suffer enough
No inner peace no after life
I did what I thought was right
All for the love of my life
I know it's sad but true
Something is very wrong
Condemned to suffer so long
For a love so true
The question that lies within
Is so hard to understand
It still tears at me
And in my dying breath
My heart holds no regrets
I wouldn't change a thing
My spirit begins to rise to the heavenly skies
Just to be shunned away by you
Now all I want is to die, no streets of gold in the sky
And I wash my hands of you
Rising to the heaven's light
Just to plead for death
Just to be denied
Rising to the heaven's light
Just to plead for death
Just to be denied
Ooohhh, I know you can't forgive me
I know I'm on my own
I know that I've betrayed you
You know I walk alone
You know I walk alone
I walk, I walk the trail of fear
I pound my fists at you
I'm shunned away by you
I wash my hands of you
Why won't you let me die
Why won't you let me die
Why won't you let me die