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PAIN & GLORY
srijeda, 20.09.2006.
Kad se zelim prisiliti da napisem nesto suvislo, ne ide…cudno jer sam vrlo kreativna osoba. Drzim da mi ovo nije dobro razdoblje za tekstove. Pocela je nastava pa sad uglavnom crtam. Razumite me, idem u gimnaziju. Ponekad zna biti malo suhoparno. Nemam knjiga, pisem sve u jednu biljeznicu…nije da nemam novca. Nemam vremena. Sve te skolske drke, bojice flomastere, ravnala i gumice….hehe…ne da mi se kupovat. Kupit cu samo ugljene stapice i mapu s hrpom listova. To je ono sto mi sad treba. Rasprsena fluidna linija i osjecajna tehnika. Ugljen. Crn i njezan. Dopusta pogreske….
Nemojte mislit da sam nemarna spram skole. Istina, trenutno pisem s olovkom koju sam jos prije tjedan dana posudila od susjede iz klupe i koju redovito siljim s njezinim siljilom i brisem s njezinom gumicom ali to sve iz razloga sto mi se ne da trazit kemijsku po kuci. Imala sam ju prvi tjedan nastave al sam ju negdje posijala…uf…
I smatram da sam uzorna ucenica.
Naucim ono sto me zanima, a iz onog sto je ukurcu mi je dovoljna dvojka. Pa da, ja sam bas skromno dijete. Samnom nema problema. Samo mi je bilo malo sranja prosle godine jer svi u razredu znaju da nosim noz a bilo je govora o nasilju nad profesorima i nosenju oruzja u skolu. Nije moj nozic neka mesarska nozina vec zadivljujuci i prekrasni, cudesni nozic, cisto za samoobranu. Moj najbolji prijatelj. Jednom mi je pomogao njegov prethodnik i otada sam ovisna o nozevima. Ne onim obicnim kucnim vec posebnim, obradenim bodezima zadivljujucih rezbarija. Skupljam ih. Uglavnom, prvi noz za samoobranu koji sam imala i koji me je ajmo rec spasio uleta tipa—hoces da ti uvalim kitu—sam unistila ja sama i to tako sto sam ga slomila zabadajuci ga u drvo. Bila sam ljuta. Sto mogu kad sam nagla….tako da mislite sto hocete. Pa bila ja po vama bolesna ili ne, bit cu sigurna dok god je uz mene. Ljudima bas ne vjerujem tako da sam prepustena sebi na odgovornost. I to mi je dovoljno. Uostalom, kako su me mogli razumjeti ljudi koji su se setkali po centru grada u krdima tapkajuci sarenim opancicima slozno poput cete po plocniku dok sam ja lutala po okolnim parkovim i sjedila po klupama na groblju trazeci miri odmor od svakodnevice? Ama bas nikako. Jer to je uglavnom proslost i za mene. Vise nisam sama da mogu sebicno odlutati negdje ne mareci za sebe….
Dosta za danas. Imam toliko toga da kazem ali odredene osobe znaju za moj blog i nema smisla da idem previse u detalje. Mogli bi me inkriminirati…osim toga, uskoro idem van. Polako pada noc…joooj sto volim jesen!!!
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petak, 15.09.2006.
Viaticum for the Marquise
In my dreams, I hold her still,
Angel, Lover, Mother.
And in my dreams, I kiss her lips,
Mistress, Muse, Daughter.
She gave me life
I gave her death
My beautiful Marquise.
And on the Devil's Road we walked
Two orphans then together.
And does she hear my hymns tonight
of Kings and Queens and Ancient truths?
Of broken vows and sorrow?
Or does she climb some distant path
where rhyme and song can't find her?
Come back to me, my Gabrielle
My beautiful Marquise.
The castle's ruined on the hill
The village lost beneath the snow
But you are mine forever.
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utorak, 05.09.2006.
Smrt…sasvim neophodna zivotu.
Pratiteljica zivih.
Gutacica dusa.
Progoniteljica.
Hirovita mladenka.
Harajuci vihor.
Tihi povjetarac.
Sjena zivota.
Sum lisca u krosnjama.
Buket krizantema.
Pjescani sat
Trenutak.
Slutnja.
Prah.
Pepeo.
Vjecnost.
Umrla mi je baka.
To joj je bila samo titula, naziv koji za mnogu djecu nesto i znaci.
Ne znam kako je izgledala kad je umirala.
Znam samo da su joj prije smrti doktori morali odrezati nogu.
Nisam bila uz nju u poslijednje trenutke njezina zivota.
Nisam ju dugo vidjela.
Nisam ju voljela.
Zapravo, nisam nista osjecala spram nje.
Mislim da ni ona nije spram mene.
Nisam nista osjetila ni kad sam saznala.
Nista.
Ni mrznju ni ljubav.
Ni tugu ni bol.
Mozda samo blago razocaranje u cijelu proslost.
Jos bolje.
Ne zelim potrebu za plakanjem.
Odgovornost.
Ne sumnjam da ce mi zivot ponuditi pregrst takvih situacija.
Situacija za plakanje.
Sutra je sahrana.
Ljudima cu konacno opravdati svoju potrebu za crninom.
Ne zelim sucut.
Ne zelim nista.
Ja tu zenu nisam poznavala.
Bit cu tamo ko drveni lutak.
Nepotrebna.
Vjerojatno ce mi bit dosadno.
Bar ne idem u skolu.
Rest in peace.
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Dnevnik.hr
Gol.hr
Zadovoljna.hr
Novaplus.hr
NovaTV.hr
DomaTV.hr
Mojamini.tv
thank you for your loving heart
but what is joined must now to part
go in peace, I set you free
as in my will, so it shall be
three times three
with love and light
I banish thee!
I will wait in this place where the sun never shines,
Wait in this place where shadows run from themselves.
"Father, Son, Holy Ghost!
Bitten sall they be,
Bairn, wha have bitten thee!
Care to their black vein,
Till thou hast thy health again!
Mend thou in God's name!"
I feel my immortality o˘ersweep all pains, all tears, all times, all fears;
And peal, like the eternal thunders of the deep, into my ears this truth--
--Thou livest forever!
BYRON
Hope is beauty,
personified
at her feet, the world,
hypnotized
A million flashes,
a million smiles
and on the catwalk
she flaunts her style
But in this heart of darkness
our hope lies lost and torn
all fame like love is fleeting
when there´s no hope anymore
Pain and glory
hand in hand
a sacrifice
the highest price
Like the poison in her arm
like a wisper, she was gone
like when angels fall
And in this heart of darkness
our hope lies on the floor
all love like fame is fleeting
when there`s no hope anymore
Like a poison in her arm
like a wisper, she was gone
like an angel
angels fall
GLAZBA KOJA MI ODGOVARA…
-Tristania
-After Forever
-Therion
-My Dying Bride
-Apocalyptica
-MM
-Cradle Of Filth
-Dimmu Borgir
-Limbonic Art
-Opeth
-Paradise Lost
-Eternal Tears Of Sorrow
-Galadriel
-…
uglavnom, metal.
Sto se tice hmm...komercijalne klasike volim poslusati CARMINA BURANU od Carl Orffa,
Lacrimosu iz Mozartova REQUIEMA,
Shubertovu NEDOVRSENU SIMFONIJU,
Beethovenovu MJESECEVU SONATU,
Vivaldijevo LJETO III. Stavak
I razne izvedbe na orguljama i cellima…
NEKI OD FILMOVA KOJI SU MI ZAKON IZ OVIH ILI ONIH RAZLOGA…
-Sanjiva Dolina (zanimljiva radnja i Depp koji je fora glumac)
-Bram Stokers Dracula (Coppola me uspio rastuziti s G. Oldmanom)
-Queen Of The Damned (hmm…Lestat? Ok, malo je pederkast pa sta? Nisu li svi hollywoodski vampiri takvi?)
-The Crow (prvi dio je najbolji al s obzirom na to da obozavam vranu ubrajam sva tri)
-Equilibrium
-Gothika
...
But first on earth, as Vampyre sent,
Thy corse shall from its tomb be rent;
Then ghastly haunt the native place,
And suck the blood of all thy race;
There from thy daughter, sister, wife,
At midnight drain the stream of life;
Yet loathe the banquet which perforce
Must feed thy livid living corse,
Thy victims, ere they yet expire,
Shall know the demon for their sire;
As cursing thee, thou cursing them,
Thy flowers are withered on the stem.
But one that for thy crime must fall,
The youngest, best beloved of all,
Shall bless thee with a father's name--
That word shall wrap thy heart in flame!
Yet thou must end thy task and mark
Her cheek's last tinge--her eye's last spark,
And the last glassy glance must view
Which freezes o'er its lifeless blue;
Then with unhallowed hand shall tear
The tresses of her yellow hair,
Of which, in life a lock when shorn
Affection's fondest pledge was worn--
But now is borne away by thee
Memorial of thine agony!
Yet with thine own best blood shall drip;
Thy gnashing tooth, and haggard lip;
Then stalking to thy sullen grave,
Go--and with Gouls and Afrits rave,
Till these in horror shrink away
From spectre more accursed than they.
G.G.Byron
Vino ubojice
Mrtva je! No to sam htio
Mogu piti dokle hoću.
Koliko je puta noću
Njezin glas me otrijeznio.
Kao pravi kralj se osjećam!
Zrak me može ponijeti...
Zaljubili smo se ljeti.
Tko kaže da se ne sjećam!?
Žeđanje me rastrgalo.
Toliko mi treba vina
Kolika je i dubina
Njena groba. - Nije malo
Leži na dnu jedne jame
I još sam je zatrpao
Kamenjem, kako sam znao.
-Možda je i nema za me!
U ime svih zaklinjanja
Danih dok smo se grlili,
Da bismo se pomirili,
Ispunili obećanja,
Još sastanak muž joj nudi,
Na cesti, kad noć je pala,
I došla je! - Luda mala!
-Svi smo više-manje ludi!
Ostala joj je ljepota,
Al je umor već bolio
Previše sam je volio:
"Spasi se od toga života!"
Tko od ljudi da me shvati?
Tko od glupih pijanica
Bolesna i gnjila lica
Zna od vina pokrov tkati?
Ološ sav u smradu gubav,
Ko mašina od čelika
Ne zna kako je velika
Jedna živa, prava ljubav
Puna crnih opojnosti,
S uzbuđenjem samog pakla,
S otrovom i sjajem stakla,
S lancima i lupom kosti!
Slobodan sam. O divota!
Noćas bit će opijanja
I bez straha i kajanja
Tu ću leći pokraj plota
I spavati kao pseti!
Kola s teškim tovarima
I kamenje sve u njima
Može bijesno doći, eto
I smrviti moju glavu
Ili me raspoloviti
Stalo će mi, bome, biti
Koliko za Božju slavu.
Baudelaire
Tale of the last vampire
coldness of the night
is smooth raping one of it's children
giving him the gift of the darkness
and the curse of eternity
the wounds on the neck
slowly dissappearing
while his sences are shapening
and his veins are beginning to long after blood
eye are changing color
from blue to red and violet
the wet hair curls up
becomes to dangerous snake locks
in the corner of the mouth
the sharp tooth now shines white
teaching the prey to come nearer
and become a stonestep to darkness
but none is more left
the last prey turned to hunter
but what is a killer without victim
conventing to a killer of murders
now to survive
becoming more than just one of them
becoming superior to blooddrinkers
slowly creating more of himself
bloody blood drinkers
doomed to die a painfull death
nomore they will se the blessing sunlight
and so the cirkle ends!
"And there was war in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the Dragon, and the Dragon fought and his angels, and prevailed not. Neither was their place found anymore in Heaven. And the Great Dragon was cast out, that old serpent called the devil and Satan which deceiveth the whole world, he was cast out into the Earth and his angels were cast out with him."
[Revelations 12:7-9]
"Through twilight, darkness and moonrise
My scarlet tears will run
As stolen blood and whispered love
Of fantasies undone"
"Come back to Me
I was born in love with thee
So why should fate stand inbetween?"
Hasten to the bridal bed -
Underneath the grave 'tis spread:
In darkness may our love be hid,
Oblivion be our coverlid -
We may rest, and nione forbid.
Percy Bysshe Shelley
This living hand, now warm and capable of earnest grasping,
would if it were cold and in the icy silence of the tomb
so haunt thy days and chill thy dreaming nights-
-that thou wouldst wist thine own heart dry of blood
so in my veins red life might stream again and thou be conscience calmed-
-so here it is –
-I hold it towards you.
KEATS
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