nedjelja, 20.11.2011.

Tips for single women, 1938


Hvala Magnes Agnes na slikama i inspiraciji!

Sve zene bi trebale postivati ova bezvremena pravila ako zele naci srecu i dom.
Kako originalna pravila sa samih slika, tako i - narocito - ova moja, dopisana.


BEFORE GOING OUT, administer your heroin shots into your thighs and other places less visible than elbows. Alternatively, wear long sleeves.



IF THE MAN ASKS for a pair of your knickers in a public place, give it to him in an inconspicuous manner, while reading SMS messages on your smartphone, or engaging in a similar common activity.



BUT IF YOU REALLY really can't chew gum silently, and want to pull it out and stretch and snap back into your mouth, divert his attention by spreading your legs.
IF THE MAN IS WEARING your silk stockings under his trousers, match him by wearing his shoes and shorts.



CAREFUL WOMEN on the other hand, never dance with both hands; they keep one hand always ready for a deadly karate strike at the root of partner's neck.



IF YOU'RE ON CHEMO, it's best not to comb your hair too much. Also, don't show your bald spots to your man, because men think baldness is contagious.
IF YOU DON'T comb your hair and don't take bath for weeks at a time, you'll be able to shy away your husband's sexual advances by just waving your armpit at him.



IF HE HAPPENS to be carresing your right-hand buttock just when red light stops you in front of a well-lit bar terrace, pretend to be fixing your makeup in the car mirror. That way he'll also have chance to whisper small dirty nothings into your ear even more intimately, while no one notices.



IF YOU'RE WELL ENDOWED, no amount of torture and phisical pain will avert a man's gaze from your breast.


IF YOU'RE SHAVING your beard in a bar, don't overdo it with soap. Men don't like women who shave beards, especially in public places.



IF YOUR BLIND DATE is a little shy, encourage and cheer him up by making a small show with your boobs. Start by pretending you've never seen them; act surprised, like "Hey what's this here? ...Look, there's two of them!!" etc. Then you can elaborate, like comparing their size and shape, complimenting them... You can talk to them, call them your new little friends, blow them kisses, etc... With a little imagination, possibilities are endless. This will cheer up ANY man, guaranteed.



IF YOU CATCH COLD, don't use handkerchief (men hate that) but instead ooze the snot out into your glass. Men just love that.



MAKE YOUR MAN PROUD by cleaning other men's scalps from head lice.



DON'T PASS OUT during a date because you might get a bad grade from your man, and upset Bobbi Marotti to the point of pulling his hair out.




ovaj-><-onaj