|
|
| veljača, 2007 | > | |||||
| P | U | S | Č | P | S | N |
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | |||
| 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
| 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
| 26 | 27 | 28 | ||||
Dnevnik.hr
Gol.hr
Zadovoljna.hr
Novaplus.hr
NovaTV.hr
DomaTV.hr
Mojamini.tv
I have a demon inside me.
And he likes to play.
My mind is his sanctuary.
My Pandemonium.
Blog.hr
Forum.hr
Monitor.hr
Nightwish
Full albums download
Brian Joubert Discussion Group
Eruanna
Libertine Noir
SHIVA-the destroyer
...Nightwish...
Akasha
Without music I would be long gone
A true bookworm
and so many more..
Movies that I can't stop watching (over and over again):
A dreamer.
The best description of who I am.
Don't belong in this world, yet I exist.
But, to more earthly subjects....
I'm 21 years old, a student...
Fighting my battles with exams,
Some lost, some... not.
My passions are: music, books, movies,
figure-skating (just for watching, I can't skate).
One man made me fall in love in figure-skating: Brian Joubert
His name is Joubert, Brian Joubert
I love: nature, walks, birds, cats, grey colour, snowdrops, winter, smell of fire and burning wood, puffy clouds, stars, moon, movie music (LotR rules), coffee, colours of sunrise and sunset, a touch of wind on my face, morning fog at the egde of a forest, summer rain, smell of pine,lemons, early morning birds song, a feeling after I read a good book, my comp, mp3, my room(my realm), my twisted mind and believe it or not, writing stories or poems (when my inspiration grace me with it's presence, mostly not, but sometimes....)
Look at me
See my sorrow
Touch my face
Take my sadness away
Stop those tears
That are falling on the ground
Hold my hand
Stand by me
Be my support
If I'm alone I will brake apart
Love me with the same fire
As I love you
Look at me
Take my sorrow away.
I really hate my life sometimes. I just want to die. I mean, every little thing that's good must be tainted with something foul. Why can't there be just one day for me that will be good. But no, if it starts good it will end in the most horrible nightmare. I'm just looking for moment of peace of pure stability. When nothing will happen. I need that. I mean ever since last June I am living someone else's life, not mine. It's like I'm on highway and I can't get to a normal country road. It's too fast. I can't come back from one blow when another hits me ten times harder. It so hard, now, even to try to come back. I just want to stay down and die. My cries for help have long ago stopped. Well, not all of them, but even those cries most of the time are left unanswered. I don't want to try, not anymore. but some 'thing' inside me won't let me give up. It so hard, not to let go, when actually all you want to do is, let go.
Od danas mi počinje praksa tj. već mi je počela. Nisam bila pretjerano živčana (imam naviku bit živčana kad se dašava nekaj novo) s obzirom da sam već tam bila na praksi 2 puta, al svejedno ovo će mi bit prvi put na duže vrijeme (3 mjeseca). I već od prije sam znala da su ljudi dobri tj. da ti priskaču u pomoć kad trebaš, ali danas sam ostala zapanjena koliko su mi izašli u susret. Prvo ne moram bit tamo 8 sati dnevno, mogu doć kasnije a ne točno u 8 ujutro (hvala Bogu jer inače bi morala ić s vlakom koji dođe dosta rano u Zagreb), i još kaj mi ne zadaju puno posla, ono kaj mi zadaju nije komplicirano (malo zbunjujuće, al to sad nije važno). I najzadnje, ali ne najvažnije, bit će mi plaćeno. Tak da sam danas doživjela jedno ugodno iznenađenje, i nadam se da će mi tak se nastavit sva 3 mjeseca ili barem većinu (ne smijem bit preoptmistična).
A sad jedna preporuka. Twilight (Sumrak) od Stephenie Meyer, morate to pročitat. Knjiga je fantastična pročitala sam je u roku dana i pol (ima 400 strana) i fakat je dobra. Naravno da se radi o vampirima, ali pomalo neobična priča, sve u svemu oduzela mi je dah i vratila moju nadu jer sam se već prepala da sam zapela u krizu nečitanja, što je za mene jako čudno, jer ja obožavam čitat knjige. Pa eto to joj je još jedan plus. Knjiga je stvarno dobra i naravno da će bit trilogija, tj. izašao je već drugi dio (na engleskom i kod nas ga se nemre nać ni za živu glavu, tak da ću je opet morat naručit) a treći bi trebal izać ove godine. Pročitajte tu knjigu, uživat ćete.
I feel so betrayed, so alone. I need someone to be by my side, just for a little while, not long. But I don't have anybody. I am alone. And no one understands me. What ever I do, no one understands me. I know I should give everyone a chance. But I did, more than twice, and all of them betrayed me. Over and over again. I try not to care, but it's too damn hard when someone you cared a lot about stabs you in the back. Doesn't it? Maybe that's why I like to be alone so much? But still sometimes I need someone to be my support. But ... I am left alone. I tell myself: never again. And I always come back fore more, like some junkie. Maybe somewhere deep inside my soul there really is a person who likes, no... who loves, who lives just for pain. To be hurt. Maybe that person isn't hidden so deep, who knows, I certanly don't. I think that all my life I will get to know myself and never really know myself for who I really am. Who knows what will become of me, or how long I will live. Maybe tommorow I will be hit by a car, or a piano will fall on my head, or I will live until I'm 80 (God, I hope not, that's too long). I really am twisted in so many ways and I like it.
Actually, you know what. I really do like to be alone, and I will go throught this hard time of needing someone, stonger (I hope so) and maybe one day no one could hurt me. Maybe one day I'll just stop to feel. What do you think?
Love doesn't exit. That's only pain clothed in deceiving happiness.
I can't believe what I just read. Brian Joubert hurt his foot
.When he trained his jumps one of his skate slice through his boot and now he maybe won't skate at World Championship in Tokyo in March
. So the injury wasn't little. I can't believe this. I really do hope that he will recover in time to got to Tokyo, and I wish him all the best couse he is the best.
Today on SLO2 I was watching, again, European Championship in Ice-skating, exhibition. I think that was third time I watched it (I don't wan't to count how many times I watched Brian Joubert's exhibiton
). And, as always, I was left without a word by moves from some skaters. But only one person can make me frightened and happy at the same time. Brian Joubert. I can't believe in what extant he can make a simple song into something so painfully beautiful. through his skating he shows just the right feelings from the music on which he skates. I don't know if that's because he lets the music take over him, or something else. But I know it always leaves me without a word to say or think. And, I really don't have to say that I'm in cloud 9 when he skates on light techno/dance ( I listen to techno and dance plus metal). I think in that moment I'm ready to jump from 10 th floor without thinking what will happen to me. No, that man really knows how to skate. So I really do hope that he will get better soon. But like the song from his exhition said, I say too: Don't give up.
I'm frightened what will I do in January next year when European Championship will be held in..... ZAGREB
!!!!!! I will get the tickets (even if I have to sleep infront of where ever the tickets will be sold). But I think I'm not going to be able to watch it, since either I will jump on the ice while he will skate or I will have to leave the hall. It will be just to much for me.
Now to something different. My friend told me that a new H.I.M. album will be out in July this year. Do you know what else will happen in July this year? New, fifth, Harry Potter movie. And new, seventh, last, Harry Potter book. I will lose my mind in July! No, it's better if I just sleep over July, or that I see, hear, read one thing at the time (yeah, right!) or otherwise I will get an emotional overload.
And I'm not joking. My feelings kinda get to me. A little too much. Expecialy when it's concerning something so important to me.
And now to more of my feelings on Brian Joubert's skating:
I watch you
But I don't want to.
The music starts
And my heart stumbles on it's too fast beats
You jump
And I close my eyes
I can't watch, but I do
It's just too beautiful to miss
A fairytale
The music stops,
So do you.
Arms high above your head
A big smile on your face
I smile too
A fairytale
Hands on your head
Eyes closed
And you probably want do desapair from here
I close my eyes
I can't watch your pain
I can't watch your sorrow
It hurts.
And everytime I watch you skate
I tell myself: you will be calm.
But I know that's a lie.
A fairytale.
This is something I wrote about a month ago. I was crazed from all the learning and wanted to give up on everything. Since I was writing on my computer I just closed Word in one moment and closed my eyes when a picture jumped in front of my mind. And that's when I wrote this:
Have you ever felt like your life is just sliping away? Even if you try to hold it, grab on to it, there's actually nothing you can do to stop losing yourself. Have you ever felt such despair that you thought the only thing why you are alive is to suffer all your life? Have you ever lost your hope, the only thing that holds you together, and just started to fall apart? Have you ever hold a blade in your hand and slowly lowering it on your wrist thinking that's the only way out? Have you ever felt the beautiful pang of pain as the blade sliced your skin and preacious red liquid started to flow out of your body? Have you ever felt any of this things? I have. And they are not the answer. Fight, sturggle, bite, do anything just to keep your head above the water, couse if you stop fighting you will drown. Life doesn't know for quiters. We don't exit. Life is not a game, but it is. Life is not a song, but it is. Life is not, but it is. Life doesn't make any sense so don't even try to understand it. Just go and make you way throught it in every possible way, or you'll lose. And you don't have three lifes. You have just this one.
And made a wallpaper that goes with it.
Now some explanation: I'm writing a story and this is one small part of it. Probably it will never be over but an idea is in my head. I have the end, I'm still developing the beginning and hopefully one day it will see the dark light of this world. But for now all I have is this bits and pieces.
My head is full of so many things and feelings.
This is my way of saving my sanity.
And you will read it all.
